Wednesday, December 15, 2010

The Verdict Is In

The craziness is over.  The verdict is in.  I have passed my Ph.D. defense. It feels good to be done.  I can finally enjoy playing with my son without something big lurking over my head.  And now on to other things.  Probably looking for a job as a part-time tutor.  Just enough to keep my hands in it all. But that will happen in the new year.  Because as of now, I have aquired a lovely cold, that both Ben and I have.  So, for now we are focusing on recovering and getting prepared for the Christmas season.

For an unrelated topic, I have been thinking about sleep issues a lot.  I think sometimes, and now by my reading, that my expectations are not reality.  One my baby is not formula fed, so he isn't going to sleep 8 or more hours straight till he's older.  Two I have to own up to those around me that I truly am a co-sleeper, and that its okay that my baby sleeps in our bed a lot of the time.  While I may think things are greener on the other side sometimes, I have to know that going with my gut here is what is best for our little family. Also, as many others see this subject differently, I am not saying that everyone or even anyone has to do it my way.  Simply, that this is the choice that I have made, and I am no longer going to feel guilty about it, despite criticism about it.

And as for advent, though I don't think I have gone all out in preparation for the Christmas season.  I have done little things like say the St. Andrew prayer throughout the day, light a new advent candle each Sunday, and follow the Busted Halo advent calendar. But for now these are helping us prepare for Jesus' birth. What are some of your traditions or things of new that you are doing for advent this year?

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Interesting tidbit on conversion

So I had the TV on in the background while I was feeding Ben some fruit for breakfast this morning, and Good Morning America was on.  A segment of an interview with Mark Wahlberg and his new movie The Fighter.  I overheard him being made fun of for having 4 kids under 7 years of age, and a refreshing response from him saying that he loved his kids and was very pro-life.  He also then ended the segment saying he started everyday on his knees thanking God for his life and making it through his troubled past.

So I started to do some research, on his life, because this isn't what I usually hear on TV.  Usually its some celebration of some playing house or anti-Christian issue. This was a change from that.  So I found in my research that this man had a troubled life, and is by no means perfect.  But what was most interesting about him was that it seems that he is having a life-long conversion in his faith.  Apparently, a life-long friendship with a priest is a major contribution to igniting and continuing this conversion.  This article at gives a more accurate description.

So what I drew from this, is a real-life example of how a conversion is not a one-time experience.  It is something that is constant in our lives.  Because if it was a one time deal, then our faith would be stagnant.  And the scripture from the book of James would call us out.  But this man, who has made very public mistakes along the way, is on the journey of a lifetime conversion. I wonder, and sometimes think that a constant conversion may be more of a Catholic idea than a Protestant one, but at the same time I hope that Protestants understand this is true in their faith as well, if their faith is genuine.

With Mr. Wahlberg, his life is in the spotlight, and so we can see the big mistakes he has made.  But in his life, he has seemed to learn from his past and make a conversion in that area to a new self.  While some things seemed to take longer to get over than what one would think they should, we don't know the full story behind it, so we take it with the best intentions. Especially knowing that some of the conversion milestones do require some true faith.

Thus, as the other blogger states, while the man may not be a saint, he at least is no longer a prodigal son to the Nth degree.

btw...If this blog post doesn't make sense, I blame it on not being able to think about anything other than fuel cells.

Friday, November 26, 2010


Honestly, I've been spoiled with having a good sleeper for the first 7 months of his life, so my current situation in retrospect probably could be a lot worse.   But I am beginning to wonder when its going to end.  It seems that the little one has decided not to sleep a good 6-8 hour stretch anymore with a 4ish  hour stretch to follow and instead is screaming every 1-3 hours at night instead.  The only way I have found to get him back to sleep is by nursing.  While usually I can sleep thru the nursing, I can't seem to do that anymore it hurts much more because of the teeth.
So my first intuition is to blame it on the darn teeth, but there are a lot of other factors that have been added or changed.  First, I am much more stressed these days, I have 2 weeks till my PhD defense and I wonder if he is feeling the extra stress that I am carrying.  Next, he started crawling, but he really wants to walk, and I think partly is frustrated with this. He can furniture walk, but not on his own yet.  And its turned cold.  So we can't spend all day outside, which is something that he loves to do.  So, with cutting teeth, (2 are here finally!) and all these other changes we have a rough sleeper.  So I am just wondering if you have any advice.  Since this is my first, I am in the dark with experience here.
I am not into letting a child cry it out, it just doesn't seem right to me, but any other advice would be great. Thanks.

Monday, November 15, 2010

Quick Takes first of the week addition

1. We have a crawler, and it is so much fun.  Probably 'cause he's not super fast right now, but go Ben.

2. Defense day and time set for December 13th at 11am.  Prayers for perseverance, clarity of thought, wisdom, knowledge and to be well spoken are much, much, much appreciated. Oddly still have to remember what my darn title is.

3. We have half of a tooth out, waiting for 2.5 more to pop out as they are so close.

4. Prayers also for good interactions with my advisor would be of the utmost importance, because if you know me then you know its been a bumpy ride.

5. I am super excited that Arwen is having twins.  Send some prayers her way if you can as well.

6.  One more thing, we are getting a new fridge come Friday.  Considering it half died on us back in August and parts of it have never been working since we moved in last November this has been a long time coming. w00t all the way.

7.  I am awaiting news on little Jack Campbell being born, I hope he comes before the doctor's decide his mama has to be induced.

Thursday, November 11, 2010


Just a quick update here.  We are working on having a tooth pop out here, and finishing up paper editing.  On top of that we just returned from a long weekend trip to Memphis, TN.  It was a great trip, and I shall have to recap it sometime soon.  For now the paper editing must continue and thus the blogging will be cut short.  Here is a pic from the trip of Ben meeting his first llama.  If you know how he was called baby llama all the time he was in the womb, then the significance of this will make some sense to you.

Sunday, October 31, 2010

Happy Halloween!

Happy Halloween from Baby Mario and Yoshi.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

little frustrations

You know those moments when you become frustrated with your little one because it seems he or she is in a lull of wanting to do anything, and when you encourage him to take the next step they don't want to take it. The past week has been full of that, or maybe the last month I dunno. So I have kept encouraging the little one to keep at it, but it seemed futile. The funny thing is that nothing happens the way I want it to happen. The little one has surprised me none-the-less and is starting to take steps in his own way to accomplish things. And as my husband keeps reminding me he will figure it out eventually, and all will be okay.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

life as we know it

Small Successes.

You know, I never actually did one of these, because I never felt qualified enough as a mom to do them.  But today I will.

1. I handed in my thesis on Monday to my advisor and am awaiting his final edits. Some of which finally just came this morning.  One step closer!

2. I got Ben out of his anti-crib mode by putting a super fluffy blanket over his crib sheet to sleep on. It's not loose so it won't add to SIDS at least not IMO.  Anyway, I am glad to have my own space in my bed again.

3. I finally got the baby backpack about 90% of the way to perfectly fitting on my back.  I was such a Bjorn girl for the last 7 months that this new device was flustering me greatly.  Thus even though something has the most excellent reviews doesn't mean it will be super easy to maneuver.

4. I ran twice this week, which was something I had been avoiding for a while, not sure why except for the foot issues.  Anyway, something about running in the cold gives that extra dose of runner's high/energy.

So those are them.  I hope you all are well, and I guess I should add the little logo for this, and if I wasn't lazy today then I would.  Take care. I would love to hear a small success for you as well!

Sunday, October 17, 2010

a day for a date

Since having Ben, actual dates with my husband have been limited.  But that is okay and I understand that this season in life is like this.  Little ones take a lot of your time, and that is okay cause its done in love.  We are trying to get them to heaven in the long run and if we aren't present there with them a lot of times teaching them, how will they learn?

Anyway, the point is that yesterday my husband and I did actually get to go on a date, and it was really nice.   In some ways, it felt like we were newly dating back as young 21 and 22 year olds.  It was almost surreal in that aspect yesterday.  It was like here we are as a couple, without others, just us.  And this wasn't our first post-Ben date, but for some reason it felt different than the other ones.  Maybe I finally was less worried about the little one, because we have a well established routine, or maybe it was just that it was really well need to have us time.  Whatever it was, there was a good vibe going on all around.

So on this date, first my husband got me flowers from one of our local florists.  A handpicked bouquet nonetheless, I was impressed.  I should take a pic of it and post it here.  In fact, I think I will.

So being given flowers and him actually putting them in a vase, we headed out to lunch at a restaurant more downtown from where we live in the city called Bricco.  The food was excellent, and the atomosphere just right.  We discussed personas on social media for a while and just had fun.

Afterward, we ventured on a walk to Cafe-Ah-Roma, and got coffee, one of our favorite things to do, at one of our favorite places.  Then we strolled around Cleveland State University, because that was where we were at.  Oddly, they have done a lot to the place and it was a pretty nice looking campus with a lot of nice new architecture and hidden walkways that make you feel like you aren't so consumed in city.

The one silly mishap on our date was that Keith backed into another car in the parking lot and left a nice dent in the driver side door.  A big whoops.  We left a note and are still looking to hear from the guy that  was hit. Hopefully nothing bad comes from it.

And that was it, simple and nice minus the mishap.  So I ask you the reader, have you had any nice dates with your husband or signficant other lately?

Saturday, October 9, 2010

7 quick takes lazy late Saturday edition

1. Our family came down with a cold, well at least Keith and I did, so we have been kind of out of it for the past 2 weeks or so.  I haven't gotten sick since last fall, so I guess I was due for another cold.

2. My mom came up to help with Ben this past week as I did some super paper editing.  Can I say I love that she is retired now and gets to help us girls out with our children much more than she used to be able to with her teacher gig.  It was a great help having her here.  I wish I could clone her so that she could be with my dad in PA, me in OH and my sister in TN all at the same time cause she's that useful and supportive.

3. I actually decorated for Halloween/fall.  I have light up jack-o-laterns that are awaiting a home since my husband decided its a good time to repaint the front of the house, and pumpkins inside, and a pumpkin on the door.  I guess I could do more than pumpkins, but that is what I have so for now that will do.

4. I am currently reading the last Harry Potter book.  Since Dumbledore died in the 6th book, I'm not sure what to think of this 7th book.  I feel like he kinda kept the story going cause he was the ultimate good guy.  But I will press on towards the end.  Sorry for the spoiler to those have not read it yet.

5. Ben's been pulling himself up on things, including a dresser, his walker, his playpen, and the dishwasher.  Next to tackle the coffee table, well, unless we have to move it so he doesn't crack his skull open on it.  Who knows.  If only I could get himself to figure out how to get up into a sitting position we would be good.  This kid seems to be doing it all backwards.  Oh well, we love him anyway.  lol.

6. I've been wondering about daylight savings time and children's bed times and if anyone has good advice on it.  I am totally not an early riser if I don't have to be.  So I kind of want to see if I can move his bed time back, to adjust for time change.  Is this something worth doing?  Or will he be non-compliant?

7. We've been volunteering to pray outside an abortion performing clinic with the 40 days for life folks.  The first time I went with Ben it hit me a little deeper than I thought it would because I was in my own backyard instead of DC. And for some reason that made it that more real.  Oddly, I haven't seen anyone go in for an appt yet, probably because we are praying when its closed, but our prayers aren't wasted right?   We always take Ben along, maybe his cuteness will convert hearts as well.

Goodnight and good luck.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

a quick note

Sorry, I haven't written a real post in a while.  Things are in full fledge editing mode of the thesis and prior to that we had visitors with a rocky sleep schedule which left little time for blogging.  Nonetheless, I hope to put up a real post once this round of edits are through.  I hope you are all doing well, and that you are enjoying the first few days of fall.  I know I am. I love my fall wardrobe especially, probably because its when I can pull off jeans and a hoodie and be completely comfortable.  I am sure those of you in the south are thinking I am crazy for being able to wear more than shorts and short sleeves right now, but thats ok.  You will get this weather later when we have our crazy winters up here (though winter is another season that I love).

Anyway, the husband, the little Ben and I are presently all doing well, and hoping (and praying!) to continue this good sleep pattern as of late. But as Jordana says, kids are tyrants (or is it masochists?) and change their minds all the time with their sleep patterns.

If you want to read an excellent post about birth and such, by the lovely Arwen. Then click here. Arwen's ABC family Blog

Saturday, September 18, 2010

a year older

This crazy girl turned a year older last Monday...

And now on to bigger and better things in the year to come...

Or at least we can hope. :)'

Friday, September 10, 2010

okay with me

The little one needed his mama to rock him to sleep this afternoon.  And you know what it was okay with me.  It's a rare occasion these days that I get to do that with him. He seems to want to be bigger than he is all the time.  And oddly enough sometimes I want him to be.  I guess it goes with the territory, but I really don't want to miss out on the sweet moments that remind me of that newborn that now are rare treats as a good sized infant. So we will let him be big when he wants to be, but he can be small too sometimes so his mama doesn't forget to love him with extra hugs.

A pic of the little one wanting to be big trying to stand and grab.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

lazy today

Well at least internet wise.  I did clean the house and grocery shop today.

So Ben turned 6 months old a week ago, and since then we have been having fun with him wanting to pull up constantly.  Here's a current pic for you all from our trip to the grocery store today. It was his first time sitting in the grocery cart, and he seemed to love it.

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Household chores

This is just a simple post to ask about household chores.  Being that I am at home more now than I have ever been in the last 20 some odd years of my life, I have become more on top of cleaning.  And its come to my attention that there are certain chores that I feel must be kept up with daily for me not to feel like I have a messy house.  Are there certain chores that are like this for you?

Mine consist currently of 1.) sweeping the kitchen floor and side entry way, and 2.) cleaning the kitchen counters of all dishes and crumbs, whether it be by dishwasher or hand.

I am sure as my family gets larger laundry might crop up on here as well as daily bathroom cleaning.  But hopefully the little ones will get big enough to chip in eventually.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010


It's odd.  I shouldn't compare ... but I do.  I shouldn't get angry ... but I do. Why is this?  Is it my faulty human nature to do so?  Has it just moved on from comparing the way I look to all the other girls to now comparing what my child does to all the other similar aged babies?  It's weird.  Because I shouldn't, and yet I do.  I do even though I know its fruitless. I know I am much better off loving my baby the way he is, instead of comparing.  Maybe this is why Facebook or other forms of bragging media are a bad idea sometimes.  It makes us not love our babies, but instead make us want to beat out the other one, or force our kid to do more than he's capable of doing, or to question our working parenting techniques.

So what's the solution.  Should I shut myself out of Facebook?  Probably not. Maybe a solution is to turn off the feeds of that are causing me to stumble in my love though. Because while its nice to be friends with folks, sometimes its just too much to hear that their kid did this and this today and he's/she's so cool because of that.  And a friendship no longer exists but only a competition. To me, that isn't healthy.  We are to use new media as a communication device to strengthen friendships, not tear them down.  So I will continue to use this new media in a way that does help me be a better friend, a better sister, a better mama, a better wife.  I'm not going to let the bad override the good.  Because in the end, its not who has the most friends that's important, but how we treat each other in love.

Saturday, August 21, 2010

My little lizard

Just thought I'd post this for today.  It made me smile.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Our mass adventure

A quick post to see if you would actually do this yourself.  Or if my husband and I are crazy kids, I am betting the latter, but I thought I would ask anyway.

So, we decide to go to mass on Saturday evening instead of Sunday morning because Keith, my husband, has to work the Truth booth, or as other's would call it the pro-life booth, for the Feast of the Assumption at our church that evening.  So with that in mind, since the roads around our church are blocked off, and the parking lot is full of fair rides we decide to take the train, or the Rapid as some Clevelanders call it.  Though as soon as we get into the car to drive to trains station it begins pouring.  But we are headed east, so maybe we could outrun it right?  Well, sort of.

We made it to the train station fine, and it was only raining slightly hard there, and so with baby in tow we run for cover under the E. 55th train station.  Unfortunately this station is half under construction, so the blockage from the rain is minimal.  And what do you know the train is running late, by about oh ten minutes.  So Ben, Keith and I are chilling with the other soon to be train passengers on the stairs trying not to get wet.  It kinda worked, but the blowing rain kept getting us even with an umbrella.

The train gets there, and we speed on to it thru the first door, somehow in the 5 uncovered steps we get pretty wet.  But thats ok, as long as it stops before we get to the stop for the church.

Well we arrived, and low and behold its still raining, something about going east along with the storm maybe.  Hmm.  Well, with a delayed train we have to go anyway if we are gonna make it to mass on time.  So we decide to take our chances and go.  With the baby Bjorned up and an umbrella overhead, dressed in a skirt and sandals, I walk down E. 120th to mass. Keith without an umbrella kindly walks with me, but then I'm like you're a bit crazy, you should run not to get so wet.  So he does.

As we continue walking, there seemed to be an increasing amount of water on the street, and even on the sidewalk, till one point there is a good foot of water to tread through.  And my silly husband is running getting himself soaked more so, and I'm walking with Ben with my feet completely submerged in water. Fun. Needless to say we got there.  But I wonder are we crazy to have made this effort to get to mass?  We could have easily waited till Sunday to go without rain, and trains.

We did dry out throughout the mass and when it came to working the Truth Booth at the Feast, we were pretty dry except for Keith's feet since he had sneakers instead of sandals like myself. Ben even got to be the highlight of the Truth Booth.  Cause there's nothing like a cute baby to make you want to be pro-life right?

Friday, August 13, 2010

a post for the emo kid in me

I belong to the generation that is post-grunge, the one that was raised on emo.  We spent countless nights listening to Dashboard Confessional and the Juliana Theory; loving Jimmy Eat World before they got big with the hit The Middle.  And being that I was raised a conservative Christian, I got into bands like Mae, Bleach and Copeland.  Basically I loved anything that was on Militia Group Records.

So, this is probably not relevant to most people who read this blog these days, as most read it for Catholic and mommy stuff.  But this music stuff has been on my mind, so I thought I would post it anyway.  I was thinking about albums.  Certain albums when I first got them, it was like the best album ever, and others it was so-so. The odd thing is when that so-so album becomes the best album ever.  I think that Destination Beautiful by Mae is one of those albums.  When I first heard it, it was so-so, and actually didn't purchase it till after The Everglow came out because I really thought it wasn't worth a purchase, even though it would show up in my internet radio play that I did pre-Pandora. But now, it's like an amazing album to me.  The song All Deliberate Speed makes me smile everytime I hear it.  It's bizarre.

So my question is, to the music nerds out there, is there an album that you have had a similar experience with or is just me?

Btw for those of you in Cleveland my church's big Feast day celebration is this weekend.  Here is the link for more info: The Feast of the Assumption

Wednesday, August 11, 2010


You know those days when you have a million things running around your head but then when you go to write them down you forget them.  Well that is today.  Oh well.  I guess at minimum I can say that I am on to the last chapter of my thesis writing.  I don't want to be at a standstill with it, since I can't seem to find words for this chapter, so I am editing previous chapters in the meantime.  I can't wait for it to be done, but at the same time it totally freaks me out to have to go and defend.  But I can do it, I just have to not freak out and stutter so much.  Not that I have a stuttering problem, just a speaking in public problem for something big like this.

So besides that its my mama's birthday this weekend.  She probably wouldn't want me to tell you how old she is so I won't.  My grandmother, on the other hand I think is past that point, and her 85th birthday is approaching.  We are gonna take another trip to PA in a few weeks for that.  Hopefully its a fun family get together and to top that it is the first time will me that particular great-grandma.

Since this is a loss of words post, this is gonna wrap it up.  Though I am gonna use my stickies program to remember these thoughts a little better for the next post.  At least I am going to try to remember to use it. haha.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Devotions of the Catholic Variety

As the lovely Jordana tagged me in the latest chain post to hit the Catholic blogosphere. I decided I should actually respond to it. And it was a good thing to do as it made examine what devotions I really had as a Catholic Christian. I came up with three that I try to do regularly and two that I wish I did more. I am not sure they all are considered devotions but they are definitely things that I identify as Catholic that I wouldn't have done pre-conversion. So here they are.

1. First, a simple one with which to start. Nursing with Ben started out a little bit difficult, as I didn't know what I was doing and he was new to the world.  So we had to calm each other down in some way. What became the calming way was to say Hail Marys.  And not that this happens with every nursing session, but more times than not I need it more to calm me down throughout my day.  Praying to her helps me, whether it be to calm me, or to connect more with my son.  And for that I am thankful. 

2. The next is to read the daily mass readings While I would like to say this is a daily thing, it is more sporadic than I'd like it to be.  But I bring with me in being a convert my protestant love for scripture, and this makes me want to read more of God's word instead of relying on someone to tell me it. 

3. And the latest devotion that was added into my life was the Chaplet of Divine Mercy. My husband and I started praying this together in the evenings sometimes with Ben, though he just sits and plays with the Rosary beads in my hands.  It helps us to incorporate our petitions that others have given us and pray for those things on our minds as well.  And as a convert again, this prayer comes easier than the Rosary to me, as I was brought up in the Jesus only kind of world.

And to those devotions that I wish I did more. The first is adoration.  I love adoration, and that time before God and to just speak to him freely without distraction, but whatever it may be I don't get to do it nearly enough. The other is a firm devotion to a Saint. Even though I have a confirmation Saint (Anne Line).  I don't pray to her or to another regularly.  Though Saint Gianna Molla comes to mind more than others these days. 

And last to tag some folks to keep the blog chain going. First, new to the Catholic blogging world my friend  Dan, and then my faithful blog follower Andrea, and last my husband Keith to see if he will update his blog after a year of letting it just sit there.

Monday, August 2, 2010

harder for me

The little guy turned 5 months old today.  And while he still needs me a lot of the time, some things have changed.  As of late he's been putting himself to sleep.  No rocking, and no milk coma.  Just wiggles around a little vocally till he finds his comfy spot for sleeping.  It makes me sad though, even though this means less work for me.  Because this means that little by little as he grows he become less and less dependent.  Maybe this will help me to think and not dread the dependence times next time around.  I hope so.

This time around, I remember the first 2+ months of having to have a sleeping baby on me because he would not sleep any other way.  Now he's so different from that.  It seems sometimes that he will sleep better away from me than near me.  As he's semi transitioned to the crib, I wonder when the time will come for him to be in in own room.  I know I'm not ready, and with his night nursing he's still not ready.  But still  when he is ready, I don't know if I will be.  Sometimes these growing things are harder for me than him.  But it makes you want to love them more nonetheless, and to me that is a good thing.

A 5 month old shot for ya.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

a few updates

     The first is I started finally reading Harry Potter. The craze of those books came out at least 10 years ago, before I was in college. I read then, but definitely wasn't into reading that type of book at that time.  And I kinda was a rebel without a cause, so anything that was popular, I was a bit against in my teenage angst. I'm only a few chapters into the first book, but as of now I can say its better written than the Twilight series. Prior to this I read The Phantom Tollbooth, which is a really good book too, and I recommend it to child who is over-stimulated from media, as it brings out the imagination in you once again.

     Ben has been gaining baby skill points, as my husband would call it, as of late.  He's getting the hang of sititng up.  He still topples over a bit, but I can leave him sitting and do something small and about 75% of the time he's still sitting and playing with something.  Here's a pic from an adventure earlier in the week as semi-evidence.

We are trying to use less ac in our house, and thus build up our heat tolerance.  Apparently, if you are in constant ac then you no longer can deal with heat.  Sadly for most, this is the way we are becoming, especially since most work environments are kept at 72 degrees or lower.  So our plan right now is to set the daytime temp to 80 degrees and the night time temp to 74, and these are on days when the temps outside are greater than 85, because our house is good at staying cool and we have a basement.  So thus when its 85 or less outside no ac for us. Today it is 90, so its on, but not really, since its 77 inside still and it hasnt gone on since last night.  What are your philosophies on ac usage?

Well, I should play with the little smiler some more before his nap and thesis writing begins again. Hope this finds you well.

Friday, July 23, 2010

sleepless nights biting me in the butt

So as I stated as a facebook status.  That one should never say that your baby is letting you get sleep at night, because inevitably you will have a sleepless night immediately after.  I don't think its a karma thing.  But rather to keep you humble as a parent.  Because for some reason sleeping thru the night is something that parents get smug about.  And really its not that the little one sleeps thru the night, as in 8 or 10 hours or something like that.  But he usally does a steady 5 or 6 hour stretch and then usually wakes up to feed but then goes back to sleep until official waking up. More times then not there is a second waking time, but I move the little guy and he sleeps again.

But then there are the nights of the endless kicking from 3am on.  And these I have adjusted to zoning out a good amount of the time.  Because he's no longer kicking me but the crib beside me. I still do a bit of actual co-sleeping particularly when I fall asleep admist a feeding in the middle of the night.  But I've learned that I sleep better for the first bit of the night and so does baby when he's in his crib beside me and I am in the bed without him. And then when I have fallen asleep admist feeding and the kicking starts, well he gets put back in the crib to kick the crib and not me.

So once in a good while there is a night, like the last, where there is a ton of crying mid early morning. And last night from about 4am on there was tossing and turning and then crying from 5ish on. Inevitably ending in a 5:45 full out cry that made us all get up sleep deprived a bit to get him settled down.  About by 6:45 or 7, he did get back to sleep, for which i am thankful cause we both then slept till about 9am.  Yes, this means I'm a lazy mama sleeping in till 9am, but he lets me do it and I am so not a morning person if I don't have to be.

So I'm not looking for advice here, just wanted to say that I'm reminded that these hard bits of being a parent are reminders to lean on God, and to be patient with the little one.  To also be thankful for the good nights, and I welcome those good nights greatly! But that is where we are at.  We just went for a stroller ride mid post because these days that seems to put the little one out for a nap, so I can have some morning writing time.  So now on to the thesis writing. Chapter 3 here we come!

Tuesday, July 13, 2010


Since being a parent things that have changed perspective

1. Sleep
2. Rest Stops
3. Late Nights
4. Loud Noises
5. Germs
6. Car Trips
7. Vacations

I could probably go on, but won't.

Instead I leave you with an article about how kids apparently don't bring happiness. I think this incorrect, but maybe so far I have a different mindset about it. Yes somedays are hard, but its different. And its done out of love.  It's not a job but a vocation. And since the little one is waking up. Here is the Link
Why Parents Hate Parenting

Thursday, July 8, 2010

events of note

1. My younger brother is engaged!  His fiance is a wonderful girl and I couldn't have wished for anyone better for him.

2. Baby Esther is here, and her mama is recovering due to having to have a cesarian section.

3. My parents are back from their world trip to South Korea.

4. I finished a first draft of chapter 1 of my thesis (36 pages), and now I am on to chapter 2.

5. My baby boy is now 4 months and 1 week old, and he's 15.5 lbs and 25.5 inches long.

6. Next wednesday is my husband's and my 3rd anniversary.

7. We made our first long, long car trip to Wilkes-Barre, PA and survived.

Friday, July 2, 2010

Vote for Ben

Voting is open now till the end of July 2010.

So vote for Ben in Fox 8's Beautiful Baby 2010 contest.
By clicking here. Fox 8 2010 Beautiful Baby Contest

Your vote is much appreciated.


Sunday, June 27, 2010

bits of randomness. yeah.

1. I am back to really writing my thesis instead of reading and writing down tons of notes.  This means I am up to a little over 18 pages written so far, which is good.

2. Since the US is out.  Who should I root for?  I am picking Uruguay, since they are slightly underdogish compared to the soccer powerhouses that are left.

3. England getting out in the same round as the US makes me feel like the US is actually starting to play better.  Or is England just becoming worse?

4. Its hot here for Cleveland.  I think the high for today is 95, and for us up here that are not used to the heat, this is very uncomfortable.  We would rather have our snow, at least I would.  Luckily its supposed to be back to 70 in two days.

5. Ben is enjoying grabbing at things.  Especially when I sit him on my lap.  He will grab at anything including breakable things, so I have to watch him like a hawk or we will have many a broken glasses or at least spilled beverages.

6. I think Keith and I are going to try to podcast again.  It should be interesting if we actually keep with it.

7. I finally got sleep last night, and it felt great!

8. We are headed to Wilkes-Barre, PA this week for the holiday to visit family, which is a 6.5 hour trip, normally.  So prayers will be much appreciated as we take this adventure with the little one, especially with his car crying record.

Saturday, June 19, 2010

7 quick takes lazy Saturday edition

1. Ben is now ticklish and its so much fun.

2. Discovered a new podcast called Catholic Family Journal that is super fun.

3. Been having sleep issues this week. And not Ben, but me not being able to sleep. So pray those resolve themselves.

4. World Cup frenzy is full fledge in this house and its super fun.  The US seems to have put together a pretty good team too.

5. I'm excited for a future event for a family member of mine, and that is all I am saying cause I don't know who reads this.

6. My parents are on a world adventure. They went to San Francisco, and are presently in Hawaii, and are soon to be if not already in South Korea.  They are going to visit the family of the exchange student that they have been hosting for the last 2 years and will host for another year till she graduates.

7. My brother had another world adventure to Ecuador and Columbia. The guy's first plane trip ever was to Japan, and since then has been to Brazil and Germany and now these two countries.  Odd thing was as bad of a rep as Columbia and Ecuador have for being unsafe, it wasn't till he was back in the US in Miami, that he hit trouble.  He had his car rear ended and totalled and then his digital camera stolen by the tow truck company that his insurance recommended.  But the good news is that he is totally safe and fine, and he gets to pick out a new car.  Car shopping is always fun, its like house shopping except smaller.

Ok.  Attempt for nap time now.

Take care all.

Friday, June 18, 2010

Shakira for the world cup

watching univision gets this stuck in my head.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

a favorite

Loving this smile today,

though it seems to be mixed with a lot of crying as well.
Oh the life in babyland.

Friday, June 11, 2010

just a thought

So a friend of mine from college announced she was pregnant again. She was shocked that she was because she was on artificial birth control, and said that God must really wanted her to have this little one because of that.  So this makes me think.

Wouldn't God have wanted her to have this baby even if she wasn't on birth control, and at the same amount of wanting if not more? Because if you think of it, in one way she was not trusting God by being on artificial birth control, versus not being on it and trusting God with the size and spacing of her family.

And honestly I struggle with this too, but this example makes me want to trust God more with this.  I have definitely worried about having my kids too close together, but the worry is fruitless, and just makes me appreciate the gift of life less.  I am working on trusting God with the size and spacing of my family while not doing anything to thwart his will.  I just have to get my head right.  And overtime, the trust will be there if I keep up communicating with Him.

On another note, I know some folks have to use formula for one various reason or another, but for those who use it for convenience sake.  Does this add yet another reason to be tempted to use artificial birth control?  From my perspective, its not really worth it.  Too many detrimental effects come from art. bc. whether it be a health reason or a strained marriage.  And if you disagree with me you are allowed to do so, but I definitely wouldn't want to increase my risk of cervical cancer and breast cancer just to having the feeling of more control over something unnaturally. (this does not rule out NFP)

Sunday, June 6, 2010

A lazy Sunday of pictures

Just thought I would make this a photo blog of things happening around here.
First proof of the new crib:
Next Ben in his new to him Johnny Jumper.  Though he hasn't figured out the jumping bit yet, he is enjoying that he can stand and look around.

And last but not least, a peaceful sleeping baby.  On the floor in the living room, 
since he tends to roll off of things.

Saturday, June 5, 2010

we bought a crib

So yeah, it took me till Ben was three months old, but we bought a crib.  The main reason being that Ben has become a roller and it was no longer safe to do co-sleeping in our king sized bed.  So now he has a crib to the side of our bed.  The one sides a little lower so its easier to get him in and out at night which is nice.  And for the the crib and mattress it was about 115$ total. Which is nice for me and my cheapskate mind.

We also had a three month old landmark pass this past wednesday.  So the 4th trimester as they call it is over.  Which coincidentally at the same time Ben started to put himself on a schedule of sleeping 10+ hours at night (with 1 to 2 feedings during the night) and actually sleeping on his own for naps a majority of the time during the day.

I am praying for you all out there being pregnant in the summer months.  This year, summer seems to have come early, so I feel for you in the hot and tiredness.  I was hot in January and February and it was about 25 degrees outside, I can't imagine dealing with 80's and 90's right now.   Best of luck on your deliveries. We will continue to pray for healthy mamas and babies.

Signing off now so I can maybe get some floors cleaned before Ben wakes up.


Monday, May 31, 2010

thoughts from the weekend vacation.

1. Suburbia should be more walkable.

2. No turn on red signs are annoying.

3. Cleveland needs a big fountain that kids can play in downtown.

4. Taking a vacation with a baby is a new challenge.

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

If only...

If I was serious about getting a job, this would be perfect one:

The Department of Chemistry at John Carroll University (
invites applications for a one year Visiting Assistant Professor position beginning August
2010, with a possibility of renewal up to three years. A Ph.D., preferably in physical
chemistry, is required. The successful candidate will teach 12 credits of a combination of
physical chemistry and introductory level chemistry lecture courses and lab courses each
semester. The Department is ACS certified, well equipped in chemical and biochemical
instrumentation, has a vibrant undergraduate research program, and is housed in the new
Dolan Center for Science and Technology. John Carroll University is a privately
controlled, co-educational, Catholic and Jesuit University located in the eastern suburbs
of Cleveland. A CV, undergraduate and graduate transcripts, three letters of
recommendation, and a statement of teaching philosophy should be sent to Dr. Michael P.
Setter, Chair, Department of Chemistry, John Carroll University, University Heights, OH
44118. Review of completed applications will begin immediately. Electronic versions
may be sent to for consideration until paper copies arrive. John Carroll
University is an Affirmative Action, Equal Opportunity Employer. The university is
committed to diversity in the workplace and strongly encourages applications from
women and minorities.

But the thing is, I'm not serious.  I really don't want a job so much right now.  I think it would hinder me from being true to who I am. Yes I would using my degree, yes I would be making money, yes it would even be at a good place a Caholic college, but it would mean in my mind missing out on some great moments with my baby boy, and those so far I have really enjoyed and he's just getting to that 3 month mark. So why do I feel bad about not taking it, because somewhere in my mind I'm letting someone down. Even if I'm not.  I just have that feeling, and I don't like to let people down. But I have to be true to myself even though being it makes me something that others think is beneath me. And I have to be ok with that.  That's the part I struggle with, the being ok with my decisions and not worry about what the world thinks of them. 

Ok on to paying bills and satisfying a hot cranky baby.

Thursday, May 20, 2010

The Frozen Banana

For all you Arrested Development fans out there, or those of you who like my husband have a Jason Bateman man crush.  Today Ben is a Bluth, as the outfit says he has his own banana stand.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Ben is now a little Catholic kid

It was a whirlwind weekend with family here from all over, and a baptism with a party to follow. Overall it was good, and the goal was accomplished. Ben got baptized.  Here is a little pic for proof.

Saturday, May 8, 2010

bits of info

Two bad things in the fam this week happened.

1. My Grandma broke her hip in three places from a bad fall, while the recovery is gonna take a long time, she needs lots of prayers for patience, and that those around her will be willing to help her with what needs to be done. I believe she is now in a rehab facility and out of the hospital.

2. My brother-in-law who is also a chemist, but of the wet variety, had a nasty chemical accident, and has a burned foot because of that.  Never mess with full strength sulfuric acid.

Two good things:

1. I am done with researching and now just have to write my thesis, which means, working from home with Ben in tow. w00t!  Sadly, this means I no longer will have an income, but really that is just a minor detail and we will do just fine with my husband's salary.

2. I was a confimation sponsor for a teen in the Lifeteen program and she was confirmed by the Bishop last night, which is super cool, cause now she is a full fledged adult Catholic.

Monday, May 3, 2010


Today I start writing my thesis.  Apparently I am done researching.  I hope to be done writing by August.  Scary to think the end is really here.  All this being paranoid about having to deal with the boss for nothing.  Well I hope to get an hour of researching in today.

Also, pray for the Tennesseans they are all flooded out.  Hopefully they can get things back to normal quickly.

Friday, April 30, 2010

7 quick takes

1. It's my last day of my last week before I start working part-time from home. So I should enjoy it right? Good thing its sunny out!

2. We've been dealing with rash issues with Ben, thinking its a mix of cradle cap and baby acne.  He doesn't mind, but I sure feel bad for him.

3. Found a new show that both Keith and I like, called Better Off Ted. Reminds us of Arrested Development.

4. I hurt my back, or maybe its just my hips deciding its time to decrease to normal size again. Whichever it is, it sure is annoying cause I can't do all the crazy holds I have developed for holding Ben so that he is happy.

5. We are working on having Ben nap on his own, and also trying to space feedings out to at least 2 hours apart. The second is going better than the first. Not sure he is ready to nap for more than 30 minutes on his own, and this is after he has fallen asleep with one of us close by.

6. We made it out for many walks this week once the rain was thru early on, and they have been fabulous.

7. We are going out to our first dinner engagement tonight without Ben, hopefully it goes well.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Train success

I am attempting using public transit with Ben these days. Yesterday we rode the train (the rapid if you are a Clevelander) and we had no crying, and actually had a sleeping boy one way.  This is a rare occurrence in the car these days, so it was a nice change.  So we are gonna try it again as we are headed to a friend's house which is right off the train line.  I think he likes it because he gets to be close to me rather than in a separate seat, and it probably has a more even vibration about it too.  Who knows.  Anyway, I am testing it out so I can maybe see if I can really use the public transit for my transportation to and from schwork.  I know I will have a few bags to take in each day, but I do think so far it is possible.  Though I will definitely have to invest in an Ergo carrier, or maybe take the jogger stroller some days.

Pray today goes ok, it was kinda a restless night in the Kurak household last night.

Sunday, April 25, 2010


I think I need to progress from walks to some small runs, though I don't think Ben could go with me till he can be in a Jogger stroller.  That would be fun.  But for now we will see, maybe just walks and some ab workouts.  Does anyone have any recommendations for new mama workouts that can be done efficiently.  Granted since I have an active baby I get a workout from keeping up with him, but still feel like I could do a little more for my health. Who knows, maybe I am just crazy.

Friday, April 23, 2010

my little hopper

Ben likes to stand on his little legs a lot. So we have developed a hop walk. Here's a pic of that.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

black bean brownies

Just sub out the eggs and oil in the brownie mix directions for a can of drained and rinsed black beans by pureeing them with a 1/2 cup of water. From there simply follow the box recipe. And what to you get? Rich, chocolately deliciousness. Yum.  And because these treats have fiber and protein in them, you are less likely to eat 5 of them in one sitting.  Maybe an inventive way to curb a sweet tooth?

Hope all is well.  Many birthdays today of people I know, so Happy Birthday to all of you guys with April 21st b-days!  Enjoy the sun.

Thursday, April 15, 2010


So, yeah, we have this tiny, tiny half bath in our house. But we wanted it to have a sink, which when we bought it it did not. The only way to put one in with the lack of space was to get this. An eco-sink which totally jives with me being environmentalist girl. So yeah, just wanted to share that. And the even better thing is that Keith is installing it as we speak. w00t!

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

labor pains part 3:delivery

Hi all. Finally I am going to finish the birth story of Ben. Up to this point we were on our way to the hospital with my water broken. Ironically Keith told me it broke during the Rocket Summer song Walls, in which the lyrics go "break the walls down, we're gonna bust you out and take you home." Yea for Mr. Bryce Avary for adding to the moment. So we drove down bumpy Chester Ave to UH-Case and arrived at Rainbow Babies, last time we arrived I could walk in, this time there was no chance of walking to MacDonald. I gladly took the wheel chair and apologized in advance to the guy pushing it for making it all wet.

When we got to MacDonald the midwife saw me and immediately got me to a room. She knew I was already pushing. Thus I got to skip the 20 minutes of EFM. I still had the urge to be over the toilet, so I disrobed from the waist down, and continued pushing over the toilet. After a while I wanted to change positions, so I moved to the hospital bed and was on my hands and knees pushing, they then got out the squatting bar and had me try that. Ultimately I ended up between squatting and lying back with my legs up on the squatting bar. To get from one to the other, I would pull myself up cause I had a lot of adrenaline in my system despite only sleeping for 1 hour in the last 24+ hours. Needless to say, the next day my arms and pecs were super sore. The only annoying thing was the intermittent EFM that they did, it just seemed not to jive with the process of the whole pushing a baby out thing.

I think what got me thru the pushing because for me I couldn't tell how much progress I was actually making was that there was a nurse there that said she wanted to see the baby be born and she had to leave at 12:15pm, this made me think the end was in sight, and so it was. After a little more than 2 hours of pushing, Ben was born at 12:12pm. What was cool was that Keith got to catch him on the way out, and there was no intervention except for some EFM. I got to wear my own clothes, and they gave me Ben right way when he was born. Even though this whole time I knew I was carrying a baby, the moment they put him on me I was elated, it was really him my baby boy. Keith was crying at this point too, that kinda made me smile. So Ben was 8lbs 11ozs and 20inches long. A big baby boy. Apparently this shocked the midwives as they though he was gonna be a bit over 6lbs not almost 9lbs. So after this the three of us passed out for like an hour all totally exhausted, but a happy new little family.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

a Ben pic

just thought I would add a pic of my baby boy.

labor pains part 2

I am not sure how far I will get with this post as the sleeping baby on me is in turn making me a bit drowsy. But I wanted to attempt to continue the story. Ok totally took a nap with the baby, but now I am up again and baby is still sleeping. So I wanted to continue the story. I finished the puzzle around 7:30pm and then started to watch my discs of Gilmore Girls. I believe that I was somewhere around season 3 or 4 at this point. The contractions were between 3-5 minutes apart. Keith had downloaded a contraction counter app for his ipod touch and was having fun keeping track of them. Around 9pm we called the midwife and she called back telling us that she knew I was in labor, and that I could come in if I wanted to, but they didn't have a tub room ready for a water birth which is what I was wanting. So I said ok, I will wait it out here for a bit longer. So I did. I took a bath at home relaxed a bit, Keith took a nap, and we called the parents saying we hadn't gone to the hospital yet but we were getting ready to go. Thus we said we would go dark for a bit and call when we had news.

Well it wasn't till 1am that we went it, and at that there still wasnt a tub room ready. They hooked me up to the fetal monitoring and checked my progress. I was only 3cm dialated. So we were sent to walk around the hospital for 2 hours. So Keith and I walked, and again, Keith took another nap, so for a while it was just me walking thru the contractions. But then we got snacks and then returned upstairs. No more progress was made, so the midwife sent us home with ambien for me to try to sleep thru the contractions. This was around 5am so we had basically hit the 24 hour mark. I tried to sleep and I believe I did for about an hour, and then woke up totally disoriented thinking my bedroom was a circus tent. I was crying because of the pain and disorientation, and I definitely hit my breaking point then. Keith, once he figured out what was going on, calmed me back down. Since I only took one ambien he thought I should take another one, though it totally did nothing but disorient me. When I went to the bathroom in the morning, I found that my mucus plug had come out, so transition had started. I took a warm bath, and labored in the bath. In the bath I remember that the contractions I had were associated with different animals, all of the circus variety. Weird stuff that ambien is.

After the bath, I got up and had an urge to be over a toilet, so I ate my breakfast of oatmeal on the toilet and unbeknownest to me I had started the pushing phase. At this point we were headed into the hospital, but Keith called them again around 8:30-9am ish and had them talk to me. Again they said to stay home as long as I wanted to but, I knew we needed to go. So we went. Funny thing was that as soon as we got in the car and started driving my water broke. Like a water balloon popping. A strange feeling and sound I must say. And Ben is up so I must go. Part 3 will be later.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

labor pains part 1

So as I was telling my husband earlier today, I have a lot of thoughts these days but just haven't been able to get myself to blog about them. I guess partially its because I have been learning to be a mama to my sweet baby boy. But there are definitely times where all I am doing is reading the latest status updates on facebook or checking the weather to see if its changed in the last hour. Yeah, so basically wasting time. So today I am going to attempt to try to start blogging more regularly. Starting with the birth story of my baby boy, Benjamin Anselm. So here goes.

I woke up March 1st around 5:30am with pain, not too intense, but enough not to be able to sleep. My husband was already up doing work, as he usually is either up late or early getting some of his programming done. So made my way to the office where our guest futon bed is located, and said to him. I can't sleep and I keep having these pains. I am not sure if this is labor but they are definitely not going away. At this point they were like 12-15 minutes apart, and not too intense. But enough not to sleep, so I asked Keith if he would go for a walk with me.

And so at 6am we went for a walk in the cold with the snow covered sidewalks. The contractions continued. I called my mom and told her that contractions had started, which I realized was a bad move cause she didn't think it would take as long as it did, so we got a lot of calls that day asking if the baby was born, but it was nice to know she cared. So Keith went into work, and my friend Megan came over with snacks to eat. Oddly I remember my super dairy cravings that I had had suddenly went away. Megan said that this was because it was like a marathon and you wouldn't chug milk during a marathon. So for the morning we hung out me bouncing on the exercise ball that Kati had leant me (for which I am ever so grateful, it got me thru the last weeks of pregnancy and labor cause Ben was at zero station for a while) and putting together a 1000 piece puzzle.

My sister having read my facebook status, called in the late morning asking about labor and such. She had a much different experience, and so we were conflicting as to what was happening and such. She had no early labor since she was 6cm dialated without an contractions. But all in all I was glad she too was excited. So again puzzling, pandora station listening, and bouncing on the ball thru contractions was how I spent most of the day. We called the midwives office in the afternoon, but as I was still in early labor, they just gave me suggestions as to how to get thru back labor, and told me to stay home as long as I could stand it. Keith came home in the afternoon, and was like ok, this is really it, cause I was still having the contractions, but he was caught a little off guard since it was like 5 days early of the due date and this was our first baby. But early babies are normal in my family, and honestly the timing was perfect because I was so ready to be done with work after the escapades that had happened over the past month.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

good solid music

Just a random thought about music again. Bands that I would go see if they came to Cleveland and they weren't overpriced or still existed as a band.

1. Copeland - disassembled
2. Delirious- disassembled
3. The Rocket Summer
4. Cool Hand Luke
5. U2 - overpriced
6. Bleach- disassembled
7. Chris Rice
8. Snow Patrol - overpriced

So really I only have 3 options. lol. I am sure there are other bands I would go see if given the right opportunity, but these bands are solid and would not disappoint in a show.

Maybe the band that Jason Ingram formed with 2 of the Delirious members would be good to see sometime. We will have to see what becomes of them.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

had a baby

So really not sure who reads this, cause I don't have any followers. But for those of you that don't know, we had Benjamin on March 2nd. He's been an easy baby so far, and we hope he keeps being easy, though we will love him even if he isn't. While apparently I have an interesting birth story. I don't want to tell it here, because I'm kinda sleepy. I just wanted to say that Ben is doing well. And to comment on something odd. That every time a Rocket Summer album is released I have a major life event. May 20, 2005 graduated Rocket Summer "Hello, Good Friend" released May 17th. July 14, 2007 got married, Rocket Summer, "Do You Feel" released July 17, 2007. Had a baby March 2, 2010, Rocket Summer "Of Men and Angels" released February 23, 2010. Kinda odd, probably one of many reasons I like them.

Saturday, February 20, 2010

yummy food

Making homemade monkey bread today, yum.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

We are the World

Well, just a quick post here. I was wondering what you all thought of the updated "We Are the World" song. I happen to like it, even if it has Miley Cyrus in it. I think that the purpose behind it was good, and the song is a good strong lyrical message. Probably the only thing I could say is that I hope none of the artists are making a profit from it and that all of the money they get actually goes to Haiti. So here it is.

Ultimately it reminds me a bit of the "Do They Know its Christmas" song that was updated not too long ago at the 20 year mark. (I probably like this one more, but that's just cause I actually know the people in it, being a brit rock fan.)

Tuesday, February 16, 2010


First as I informed my husband that today is Donut day in my train of thought, due to the German roots and always making fausnaughts when growing up. He headed down to a local donut shop at 7am to get a dozen donuts. One super sweet husband is all I can say.

Though Fat Tuesday is super fun for indulgences, this year thinking about Lent has been a little more difficult. Basically because I have never had to deal with being pregnant during lent before. So cutting out something from my daily food intake doesn't really cut it. Though I have decided that I can do without soda, its just not that good for me anyway, and I can save a lot of dentist money by not drinking it.

In the last few years of being Catholic however, I have come to want to do something more than just diet from some treat, but to do something for God. So I think the two things that make sense this year are to pray the 40 Days for Life Campaign, and to do a Lent Prayer a Day. I would love to go to daily mass, and maybe I can still do this once a week, but I know when the baby comes its gonna be a big adjustment and I am not sure how quickly I will get out of the house to do so. So to me this isnt much, for some reason, at least last year I went all out, but this year maybe its just the little things that will be enough. Maybe I just need to treat them with a certain reverence as I will be convening with my maker in these prayers.

Sunday, February 7, 2010

note to self...

Do not get one's arm stuck in a home depot shopping cart, the getting it unstuck part hurts immensely...

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

thoughts running round my head

as this pregnancy gets to the last stages, it seems everything is heightened. The sinuses, the moods, the emotions, the heaviness, the wanting to meet my little one. To top it off, my hips have been hurting a lot more as they widen since I have never had that body shape that is hippy or as my sister would say "good for childbearing" But oh well, despite all the inconveniences, I think its totally worth it. With my emotions high, the people that upset me normally can so easily set me off, and then I end up crying in a terrible mess. But then for some reason I come home to this wonderful husband that just somehow makes it all better with hugs and kisses and reminds me that its all ok and really that some people are are difficult to deal with even if one isn't pregnant.

But really as these last few weeks have been a little rough on me I came to the conclusion today that I need to stop being negative and dwelling on the bad the hurts and pains and difficult people, but be positive. And in the difficulties to unite them to Jesus, or in this case because most things deal with pregnancy, I tend to lean more towards identifying with Mary on this one. Which even though I have my ex-protestant hesitations with Marian things, there are always little things that arise that make me identify with her. This being one of them. So when I do have something come up that is a hurt or something that makes me want to cry or run away, I have to think about Mary traveling to Bethlehem totally uncomfortable, but toughing it out. Another thing is that the end result a beautiful newborn baby, and that is pretty darn awesome.

Friday, January 22, 2010

3 simple reasons why I am pro-life

1. Human life, no matter how small, should have the right to live.

2. Even in bad circumstances of which the child is conceived, the innocent life created should not be punished.

3. All a child needs is love, and bringing to term is the most loving thing that can be done.

I could totally get into the medical reasons that its totally wrong but I think those aren't what's on my mind today about this issue.

Friday, January 15, 2010

w00t! Friday ed,

1.My Tennesseans are coming today! Should be a whirlwind of a weekend.

2. I slept upstairs last night and not in the basement

3. New carpet is super soft.

4. My padres come tonight as well.

5. Curtains make my house look nicer.

6. King sized mattresses are hard to move up stairs of a 1930's house with a bending staircase.

7. I'm adjusting to less sleep, hopefully this is practice for the years to come.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

ignorance sometimes really isn't bliss

So I apologize in advance for not blogging so much in the last month. Granted its been advent and Christmas and much traveling and celebrating have been done versus reasoning things out over the internet. And its good to be spending time with family instead of alone in a hole in a lab doing calculations and blogging about various endeavors. So honestly, while there is much updating to do, as in I am finally sitting in my living room on one of my couches that has been stored in the garage for the past 2 months, and a storage unit for a month before that. I had forgotten how comfy these couches are and how prone I am to sleeping on them. But I will save house improvements for a later date.

In the meantime, I want to go through my thought process after watching a TV show on ABC family. I usually watch this show and usually am annoyed with it, and you must wonder why do I watch it if I just get angry with it. Well for one thing it plays into the mind of some of the leading evangelical type thinkers who see Jesus as a savior, but don't have much to build on when it comes to moral dilemmas and how Jesus applies to them. The Secret Life of the American Teenager is a show written and produced by the same person that did 7th Heaven. 7th Heaven is much tamer than the secret life, but certain qualities of it are more in line with what is done on the Secret Life, the Secret Life just brings them out to the extreme.

When I originally watched it, I think it hooked me because I knew it was gonna be pro-life, in the sense that the teenager that discovered she was pregnant from a one-night stand that didn't even feel like sex to her wasn't going to abort the child within her. And it was interesting to see all the drama that came from this in her life. And in some ways there is a lot to say about the current state of American culture in what they portray. They have many broken homes, many live-in significant others, and an ok about sex outside of marriage, all reflections of todays current culture, at least in media portrayal. They even added a gay teen to the mix last season and he has carried out the typical role of sidekick and a voice of reason amongst the rest of them not knowing what they are doing as teenagers. (This annoys me that a heterosexual teenager isn't allowed to be a voice of reason in this show and in some recent movies as well, because for some reason us heterosexuals are just plain messed up.) My husband has named this show the Secret Life the American Sex Addict, because when it really comes down to it thats what the show is about. Everyone is in different stages of their sexual development, and apparently every one of the teens wants to have sex and sees little determent about waiting. The only one that has decided not to have sex in high school is the younger sister of the girl who now has a baby boy to take care of.

So with all that, lets dive into the portrayal of Christianity on this show. There are two distinctly Christian families on the show, and the rest are all nominal versions of some form of Christianity. The two distinctly Christian households are the minister's family and the Bowman's. The minister's family has a teenage son Jack, and the Bowman's have a teenage daughter Grace. Jack totally comes off as the kid that might look Christian on the outside, but in his everyday values doesn't live it out. He will do anything to have sex, and it even goes far enough that Grace twists prayer around to say that God told her that it was ok to have sex because she wanted to keep Jack from having sex with other people. And after this there is some family drama as her dad dies and she blames it on the sex. And so she becomes a born again virgin, which I have nothing against people doing, her situation is a little odd though. A few months later, Jack convinces her again that to have oral sex with him. And she doesn't really want to this time, but does it anyway. When her mom catches wind of this having happened, her immediate response is that she doesn't want her to get pregnant, so that she would rather her be doing this than having conjugal sex, but then she is worried about her getting an STD from that. So what does she decide is an ok way to prevent Grace from getting pregnant or getting an STD? Drumroll please. That's right people, masturbation. Lovely isn't it.

This made me think once again about the mentality of a lot of well meaning people, and at that well meaning Christians. They understand to say no to sex, they understand some of the major medical complications that could come of it. But they don't understand the reasoning behind the no. Why the no is meant to keep you from all the scarring that comes along with the out of context sex and to help you to see the beauty in the yes to it in marriage. The beauty of the renewal of vows with each time a couple comes together in sex. The beauty of making a child to show the world how much love is there, a tiny window into the love of God. But instead our culture is so mixed up, that Christians on shows are portrayed as people who just have to say no to sex for no apparent reason. And with that they can justify oral sex and masturbation because those aren't truly sex in their eyes. And since they aren't sex they have no ramifications on their virginity or their purity, or emotions or the biggest reason, how they treat their future spouse. I sometimes wonder at the statistic of how many wives put up with their husbands masturbating and porn habits. I wonder how many of them think its healthy. I wonder how many of them are secretly hurt by their not feeling adequate to their husbands sexual needs. I hurt for all those women and men that don't know that it can get any better than a contracepting/masturbating/porn viewing marriage. I want them to know more, to not be ignorant, but to truly be able to love their spouse completely in sex and in everyday life. And, so when this show portrays Christians as clueless people that aren't supposed to have sex outside of marriage but can get by with justification of other sexual acts, I want to yell and scream. But really I should pray for those out there that really don't know any better, and are in their daily life living with this lack of understanding and totally unsatisfied because of it. Because as I titled it, ignorance really isn't bliss sometimes.