Sunday, March 22, 2020

Creative struggle in pandemic times

I am struggling to create. I am wanting to try and create. And perhaps I am creating little bits here and there, but the anxiety of the coronavirus epidemic going on is getting the best of me. I don't like not having freedom. I don't even use all the institutions like most people do. We homeschool, my husband works from home, we usually just go outside for our social interaction. We do weekly or more go to church. Overall, it is still hard, all the information and misinformation make me a little crazy. I just shouted at my husband yesterday because it was too much for me, this new way of life. And really I realize our lives are probably only 20% different.
In my mind I was going to do all these things I wanted to get done, but my brain cannot get there most days. It feels shut down and in panic mode. Maybe, just maybe it is coming out of it. I no longer have panic attacks every night and hearing that a dear friend's family caught the virus but still got through it. They had seven people in their family with kids ages 2mos to 12yrs old and they got through it. And not that they are an example of everyone in our world, but it feels like it gives a bit of hope for me. That we can do this.
But also I think that I feel like this is calling to mind how we as a society view death. It seems everyone is afraid of death. And perhaps we are afraid of our securities going away. We are afraid. And maybe we need to look to the Saints, and see how they got through these things. Maybe its harder in our instant digital age. Maybe we just want this to be over and it can't be. Not yet they say, and they don't have an end date known.
I do think we need to find a new sense of normalcy in this mess. Have a call a day with a friend or family member. Do something that helps your community. Do something that brings you closer to God. Do something that helps your stress be less, get exercise and go outside. These are all things that I have found helpful.
But still I can only create in small bits, and I think I will get there, but pray for me that I will be able to create more as we stay isolated and therefore healthy. Creating is how I stabilize myself among the chaos. I will keep you all in my prayers too.