Wednesday, September 19, 2018

September it goes so fast

There is something about September, that it moves so fast. Perhaps it's that school is into full swing an there is never a moment where there isn't something we could be doing. There are small moments where you get to gaze and think, and those are good in themselves, but a lot of it is beginnings and learning and harvesting.

Part of me wants to go back to lazy days, but did I really have them?  Maybe I did, I don't know. I know that I definitely didn't know what to do with myself even in those types of days, and perhaps, my reminiscing self wants to tell herself that those days when babies napped predictably were good and not days to fill with mindless things or worry.  But also I need to perhaps embrace what is now, the 4 children 8 years old down to 1.5 years old. To embrace them in that they are chaotic and there are only few moments where I can steal a moment and write like this. That I have to be more scheduled about taking care of myself. (I booked a haircut for tomorrow, woot!) But this is my life and even if it is fast, with many needs to be met, it is where God has me at. I can't wish for another. I can only embrace the one I've been given.

I don't mean to say that I don't like my life. I do. I like my kids, I like my work, I like my husband. I even like my house. I think sometimes I struggle with the expectations I put on myself to accomplish everything in one day. Perhaps this is why I feel like I am flying, but that is perhaps where I need to grow to remember that I am folding this shirt and it belongs to a little girl that I love that is growing up under my care, and its a very good thing for her to have that shirt. Or these socks were once white but now grey have seen many outside walks with mama saying put on shoes or take off those socks, or this map, it maybe a kids map, but its proudly displayed in our living room because thats where some schooling happens.

So as I set out on a transatlantic adventure next week with a friend and the toddler, I am nervous. But excited. It comes with my personality of okay, I'm probably crazy, but I'm going to jump and do it anyway. I think the jump is good, at least for me. When we bought the tickets for this trip last February, it seemed forever away, and now it is almost here, and I hope it doesn't go so fast itself. I hope I can maybe slow down and just breathe it all in, every waking moment.  And I feel like I will be awake a lot with my non-sleeper toddler I have been given. But again, that's okay. It will be good.