Thursday, June 25, 2009

a liturgical clarification

Just wanted to let you know, that the holding hands during the Our Father isn't really considered an acceptable liturgical motion. Due to the fact that it takes away from the focus on the real presence of Jesus present at that moment.

When I was taught about this part of the mass, the Our Father and the passing of the peace were explained like so:

First during the Our Father, we are supposed to lift our hands up and towards Jesus, in a way of recognizing him and acknowledging him being right there. We are trying to fill ourselves up with the peace of Jesus.

Then during the passing of the peace, it is not a time to say hey how's it going, but you are supposed to be so filled up with Jesus that you want to share his peace with others.

Just thought I'd share that, was listening to an old podcast and it was talking about how this time gets abused in the mass.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

"spiders in the corners that are never there.."

A prize to the person that gets the song and artist that was quoted in the title. The disclaimer is that you can't Google it, because after all that's cheating.

So this is kinda a dumb topic, but I just wanted to say that I have seen so many spiders in my daily indoor environment lately. I am not usually scared of spiders, but certain kinds freak me out. And most of those being the deadly ones, like the brown recluses and the black widows. However, a less harmful one that really freaks me out is the wolf spider, for some reason the fact that is daunting and furry really kinda makes me scream everytime I stumble upon one. Let's just hope that I don't have to wake up to find one these frightful creatures on top of me.

So given that I am generally not afraid of spiders, there has been one case where I should have been. When I was in high school and in Mexico on a boarder town trying to build a roof for a women's shelter, I was staying on the floor of this semi-school/semi-church place. I woke up one morning to find that the girl sleeping beside me had been bit. We didn't think it was anything out of the ordinary, just a normal bug bite that happened sometime during the night. But then it swelled and made her disoriented. So well, after this she was taken to the doctor, and the doctor right away knew it was this special kind of spider bite, apparently common enough in the area to know how to site its bite and treat it. And the doctor reprimanded us for not taking her sooner to the clinic apparently she was close to death from the poison and we didn't even know it.

So that should make me scared of spiders, to an extent it does, but not as much as snakes, maybe sometime I should tell all my crazy snake stories.

Monday, June 22, 2009

belief in disbelief

Maybe today I will attempt to do two entries, due to missing yesterday. At least I will try to keep the thought of doing two. If I get time tonight, it will happen.

Anyway this weekend seemed like a rollercoaster to me. I was up and down about things. For what usually happens at the end of the cycle of me feeling bad or inadequate was happening a week or so early. There are a few things that set me off that led to this point. First, I started reading a book about other women's stories about miscarriage, one would think this would help and to some extent it did, but I think it left me on edge. It seemed there were too many contradictions in these women's minds. Like they used every type of birth control under the sun, or that they were pro-choice with contradicting views about life, or that they thought it was fine to have a kid without a spouse. I guess that's what you get when you read a secular book about miscarriage. Oh well.

Next, I went to see the movie Up. Now it again was good, as I told you in an earlier review. But they struggled with infertility. Yes, lovely infertility. The word itself makes me so angry sometimes. So that had my emotions going.

And then next I went to a baby shower for a dear friend. And honestly I am ecstatic about her being able to have a baby, she too went through miscarriage earlier. But something about the atomosphere made me uneasy. Like motherhood was just out of reach, something that I couldn't touch or have. So I left happy for her, but saddened for myself.

And then low and behold a family member blatenly states, "you should have a baby now" and I'm like yeah, working on that. And so she gives her advice on how to have a baby, unknowingly that I have been trying this for about 8 months now, with a miscarriage in between all of that. And as much as I love her, this just tipped me over the iceberg.

But then there was the homily at church, it was off of the scripture Mark 4:35-41 A scripture where we see the apostles not really having the full out faith about what Jesus, God himself, can do. Instead they worry and fret and try to do everything that they can themselves to make it work.

This is like me. I have worried, I have tried it all. I know how its done, I know my ins and outs of my fertility. If anyone could hit ovulation on the mark it would be me. And yet, since it doesn't work I am in disbelief that God can make us conceive. Crazy right. So today, I finally am able to get that tightness out of my chest a little bit, because I can say to myself, God CAN do it. I am not gonna doubt him. He gave me a glimpse of it before and he can do it again to the full extent. And because of that I am ok. Because I am not going to lose faith now in my God and my savior. I am just gonna keep telling myself that he CAN do it, because he can. So if it doesn't happen this cycle or the next, well he still CAN do it.

End with a smile.

Saturday, June 20, 2009

"if only it was saturday, saturday..." oh wait, it is

Last night I had the privilege of watching the movie UP with my best friend, my husband Keith. At least three times I was in in tears, tears from seeing the couple in the movie grow old together through some struggle and then when the woman Ellie died before her husband Carl did. So to a great extent this story of simply growing old in marriage with immense love is oversimplified in the movie. But we want that, at least I hope most people don't go into a marriage automatically wanting out of it. I hope they strive in marriage to fall in love more and more each day with their spouse. I know that for me watching this movie made me want to appreciate my husband more. Because life is pretty darn short. Learning to love my husband is a way I can love God, and appreciating my husband more is a way of loving him more.

Funny thing about appreciating my husband more, is that I tend to be the one with the short temper, who gets miffed over the littlest things. I know that I shouldn't, but somehow I always do. So going into that movie, I thought of all the dumb things that I had gotten mad at Keith for earlier in the week. They all seemed so stupid after watching that. The little things no longer mattered in the bigger picture.

So there was the adorable boy scout in the movie, and the dog Dugg but really the man's absolute love for for his wife held my interest. The way his wife had so much consideration for him in the way she filled out the adventure book and then told him to continue on without her on his own adventure when she had died. Maybe to those who haven't seen the movie are lost, or bored, so with that I will end this post. Have an excellent last hour of your Saturday.

Friday, June 19, 2009

missed yesterday, sorry

Hi guys.

I missed posting yesterday. For that I am sorry, I was cleaning up the basement, which to this point has been the dumping station over the past two years. So its on its way to being clean, at least its been dusted to say the least. Why do things collect so much dust?

Random topics today before I go to bed. The Cleveland RTA decided to change up the train schedule, so today I went at what I thought was the time for the train to come. However, I had missed it by five minutes. Apparently to accomodate track work and new stations being put in they rearranged the schedule. So the train that I usually get comes five minutes earlier. Kinda strange, because non of the other supposed rush hour trains were effected, just the one I take. Oh well.

Oh, and if you are my facebook friend, then you know that I got to eat German chocolate cake today. Exciting because of the coconut icing. I adore anything with real bits of coconut in it, except ice cream. and if you combine it with chocolate its even better. The only downfall of this cake today was that the chocolate was not the lighter german chocolate, but the devils food chocolate that you see in your normal chocolate cake.

And last, my name is on a softball roster. I should tell my mom this, she would think she would have misheard me. When I was growing up I avoided softball and anything involving arms like the plague. I really was terrible at anything with eye/hand cordination. I had to play duckhunt against the TV screen to be successful. So the fact that I was like sure you can do that, I don't mind being the sub is against the grain of my childhood. Maybe the sudden burst of coordination stems from the hours of playing tennis in college and soon there afterward.


Wednesday, June 17, 2009

newly born

Today I got to meet my friends 2+ week old daughter. She was absolutely precious. I am always amazed at how tiny a newborn is, though I know they have to be that small, it still amazes me. God is amazing that he creates life, and then its just the perfect tiny size when it comes out of the womb and then it can become huge like me. I'm 5'10"ish btw.

It seems that in the past 1.5 years I have gotten to see at least 5 newborns, and all of them have been absolutely gorgeous. I really don't think that God can make an ugly baby, and even if he did, the baby would still be cute to someone.

So if you are wondering, the desires still there to have children, and that means more than one. And each day I get more and more ok with God's timing for when I will have a child. I guess sometimes, I just get a little angry at the folks who don't give life a chance and then at the first moment they do they concieve. But maybe they need it as a wake-up call that God wants to be present in their lives making them more holy and closer to heaven by having children. At the same time I think that God wants me to be patient in not having children right now, and to learn to grow closer to him through this.

Honestly if I think about it, I prayed for what seemed forever for my now husband Keith to come along. And God didn't just throw the first guy at me to be my husband but gave me someone who I cannot imagine what life was like before I met him. He is so much more than who I thought I would end up with. God had him picked out and the right timing and everything.

So I know that God is doing just that with the blessing of children. I think right now he is teaching me patience, and also increasing my desire because at one point in my life I didn't want children at all. But now I know I am learning who I am, and who I want to be, as a mother. Because as a woman I am automatically a mother, a mother spritually, in my presence with everyone I come in contact with. So each day I learn, and I grow. Both in my desire for God and my desire for holiness through parenthood.


Tuesday, June 16, 2009


My allergies seem to be getting worse and worse these days. Not sure if its just everyone is mowing their lawns more often or that there is some other plant in bloom that is totally making my allergies go nuts. I am so tempted to get a Neti pot, does anyone know of a good online or drugstore that carries them at a decently cheap price?

I really don't like taking allergy meds because I don't ever feel like myself when I take them. Medicine, minus tylenol, has a big effect on me, so I try to avoid it unless completely necessary. Maybe today might be one of those days. Though a plus is that I got my glasses back with my new prescription in them. So finally I can give my eyes a rest from contacts after a month straight of wearing them. Some friends have said for them that their eyes itch less when they have contacts in them. But I am not sure if that is true for me. But maybe I just feel more free to itch my eyes with glasses and not worry about losing the contact if I were to rub my eye with it in.

Another non-drug remedy that I use is eating the local honey. Though not sure that I actually eat it but rather drink it in tea. I think it helps a bit, though at the moment I am coming off of a stretch where I haven't been drinking it with my tea in the morning and I think that is why I am paying for it. It is not a fast acting thing but something that builds up over time.

So my question to those of you with allergies, is a neti pot worth it?

Monday, June 15, 2009

15 minutes

A fellow blogger has the rule of devoting 15 minutes a day to blogging. I am going to see if I can keep up with this. I am sure there will be some days where a computer is out of reach, but generally I think I can do this. I figure that most of the time, I spend doing mindless quizzes on Facebook I could instead share my thoughts of today or at least talk about something more than which car fits my personality, or how common is my name in the USA. And yes, I did both of these quizzes today, which means that I wasted at least a good 5 minutes right there that I could have spent blogging. So lets see what to talk about...

Tonight I went to a Bible Study small group at my local Parish. A bible study is an interesting thing to me sometimes, because to me it took me a while as a protestant to actually want to go to one. Though once I did, and it was one where it was just fluff, I appreciated it. Which is one of the reasons when I became Catholic that since I enjoyed it so much and found it important to go deeper in my faith with study of the Bible, then I was going to find a bible study to go to.

Bible studies come under all different names, whether they be small groups, or a women's study or a men's study or a couples study, or prayer group. All essentially lead to the same thing, growing deeper in your faith through word and community of fellow Christians. Honestly, you learn a lot about your fellow Christians from Bible studies. Because faith is something that is deep and very intimate. Sometimes there is good reason why Bible studies are done of one sex, because you into a lot of issues that show your soul, which if that person isn't your husband or wife/soon to be husband or wife, then it might cause some major issues.

Granted this doesn't happen in every bible study, sometimes things are taken quite black and white, and co-ed Bible studies work in these cases. But none-the-less, I do see the reason to have sex segregated Bible studies. I also sometimes think because is just women or just men, the bonds that are made there are pretty cool. Men do need other men for brotherhood, women do need other women for sisterhood. And I am not advocating sororities and fraternities of the college greek variety, those I kinda hate, but not because of the sisterhood/brotherhood part, but because of all the other stupid stuff that goes along with them, the rules, the backstabbing and such.

And with that I am done, I like unfluffed Bible studies. The End.

get your readings on...

this struck me today, its from the daily readings of June 15, 2009

2 Cor 6:1-10

"Brothers and sisters:
As your fellow workers, we appeal to you
not to receive the grace of God in vain.
For he says:

In an acceptable time I heard you,
and on the day of salvation I helped you.

Behold, now is a very acceptable time;
behold, now is the day of salvation.
We cause no one to stumble in anything,
in order that no fault may be found with our ministry;
on the contrary, in everything we commend ourselves
as ministers of God, through much endurance,
in afflictions, hardships, constraints,
beatings, imprisonments, riots,
labors, vigils, fasts;
by purity, knowledge, patience, kindness,
in the Holy Spirit, in unfeigned love, in truthful speech,
in the power of God;
with weapons of righteousness at the right and at the left;
through glory and dishonor, insult and praise.
We are treated as deceivers and yet are truthful;
as unrecognized and yet acknowledged;
as dying and behold we live;
as chastised and yet not put to death;
as sorrowful yet always rejoicing;
as poor yet enriching many;
as having nothing and yet possessing all things."

Friday, June 12, 2009

why get married in a church?

Here's a question that I posed on Facebook that got really good responses:

Kiera Kurak: Not to offend anyone, but do you think one of the reasons that people no longer have weddings inside of churches is that the modern church is no longer made to look beautiful on the inside?

JG at 11:56am June 12:
I think that when the church doesn't have beauty on the inside, it loses the sense of tradition, which is probably one of the main reasons why people would have a wedding in a church. Tradition and faith. And let's face it, Americans are becoming more secular at times like this and they would probably have a wedding inside a church for tradition. So yes, I definitely concur.

But on the other hand, people have weddings at other places for a "once in a lifetime" feel. You can always be in a church, but can you have a wedding in Hawaii anyday you choose? Or because they just are not religious or it does not mean much to them.

MH at 12:09pm June 12
I'm glad you brought this up. The churches around here (at least the 2 catholic ones I've been in) are not pretty at all because they are modern. I think they were built in a time when the church was trying to show that it was with the times and not dogged down in tradition, but I don't like the more modern churches that much. Especially ones that are semi- circular. I like my rows of pews and stained glass windows. I know some religions think fancy stuff is too flashy and detracting from the purpose of church (worshipping God) and I see their point. But I think it shows that church is a special place. I think I would like to get married in a church, but I'd like it to be a traditional church. So I think you guys are onto something. Although there is something to be said for Hawaii =)

KW at 12:29pm June 12
I totally concur with you guys...but I still wanna get married @ St. Basils no matter what...Hawaii can be my honeymoon sounds too typical nowadays, wanting a destination wedding (like Hawaii)...sounds cool but too cliche nowadays

JS at 1:11pm June 12
I think that's part of it, but I think it is also because so many people don't have their faith as an important part of their life. If God isn't important and church isn't important, then why should a church wedding be important? I don't think many other faiths have the basis in tradition (whether that be good or bad or indifferent) as the Catholic church does, so I think a fancy church wedding is just traditionally more important to Catholics and htheir families than it is to many other faiths.

What are your thoughts on this?

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

checking in

so I haven't really posted about much in over a month. Must be a dryspell. Or just too busy. In the past month I have flown across the country to a conference in a cold but beautiful and transportationally efficient city, then went the city of my birthplace. That was a big deal, I hadn't been there since I was a few months old. I loved it too. If I had to pick somewhere to live in CA, that would be the place. My mom called later to check in and she said that Sacramento was the one place that she liked in CA too. It's kinda funny, up to this point, I thought I liked all of No. Cal. but hated all of So. Cal. Well, I still don't care much for So. Cal. visit and talk to the people and you might agree and the traffic is outrageous (someone needs to teach them conservation!) But now my No. Cal. likings have been refined. I like the areas of the redwoods, the area around Santa Rosa is amazing, and Yosemite is awesome. But I have ruled out San Fran, its just not appealing to me, too cold, too windy, too liberal, too expensive, too dirty. But Sacramento had more of a big little city feel to it. It was nice just to walk around. Anyway, so after that we hiked two days in Yosemite and then flew home. It was a lot of driving!! In a PT cruiser, a very odd car. If you want in another post, I can list the top ten reasons why I wouldn't get one. What saved the day is that my husband bought this amazing Euro phone for me a Nokia N79, and since we were in back country, we used the FM transmitter on it to play all my favorite albums. It made for a much better trip. So then I came back and have been painting and finishing up final corrections on my second journal article. w00t! OK, off to go paint. Love to all.