If only...

If I was serious about getting a job, this would be perfect one:


The Department of Chemistry at John Carroll University (http://chemistry.jcu.edu) 
invites applications for a one year Visiting Assistant Professor position beginning August
2010, with a possibility of renewal up to three years. A Ph.D., preferably in physical
chemistry, is required. The successful candidate will teach 12 credits of a combination of
physical chemistry and introductory level chemistry lecture courses and lab courses each
semester. The Department is ACS certified, well equipped in chemical and biochemical
instrumentation, has a vibrant undergraduate research program, and is housed in the new
Dolan Center for Science and Technology. John Carroll University is a privately
controlled, co-educational, Catholic and Jesuit University located in the eastern suburbs
of Cleveland. A CV, undergraduate and graduate transcripts, three letters of
recommendation, and a statement of teaching philosophy should be sent to Dr. Michael P.
Setter, Chair, Department of Chemistry, John Carroll University, University Heights, OH
44118. Review of completed applications will begin immediately. Electronic versions
may be sent to msetter@jcu.edu for consideration until paper copies arrive. John Carroll
University is an Affirmative Action, Equal Opportunity Employer. The university is
committed to diversity in the workplace and strongly encourages applications from
women and minorities.

But the thing is, I'm not serious.  I really don't want a job so much right now.  I think it would hinder me from being true to who I am. Yes I would using my degree, yes I would be making money, yes it would even be at a good place a Caholic college, but it would mean in my mind missing out on some great moments with my baby boy, and those so far I have really enjoyed and he's just getting to that 3 month mark. So why do I feel bad about not taking it, because somewhere in my mind I'm letting someone down. Even if I'm not.  I just have that feeling, and I don't like to let people down. But I have to be true to myself even though being it makes me something that others think is beneath me. And I have to be ok with that.  That's the part I struggle with, the being ok with my decisions and not worry about what the world thinks of them. 

Ok on to paying bills and satisfying a hot cranky baby.