A Christmas Carol
G.K. Chesterton

The Christ-child lay on Mary’s lap,
His hair was like a light.
(O, weary, weary is the world,
But here is all aright.)

The Christ-child lay on Mary’s breast,
His hair was like a star.
(O, stern and cunning are the kings,
But here the true hearts are.)

The Christ-child lay on Mary’s heart
His hair was like a fire.
(O, weary, weary is the world
But here the world’s desire.)

The Christ-child stood at Mary’s knee,
His hair was like a crown,
And all the flowers looked up at Him,
And all the stars looked down.

the oddity of us

Being called the square this weekend, was quite an odd thing to be called. Usually I'm the weird one, or the black sheep of a bunch. I don't blend in well. I make bizarre decisions to a passerby or even to a semi-knowledgeable relative. Fortunately, I found the crazy zig-zag to match me, Keith. To any other person, my ideas would be thought of as just plain dumb, too dangerous, not financially stable enough, or wasteful of my education. :) I smile at this because I think of how many times people have thought that I was doing this or that for a boy. Little did they know that Jesus was the main component of my decision. But then again, how would a thinking woman ever put her sole trust in Jesus? Why would a thinking protestant become Catholic? Why would a thinking woman with a soon to PhD choose motherhood over career? Why would a thinking woman want a smaller house in a less comfy neighborhood instead of a big house in a sweet neighborhood when her husband gets a promotion at work? Why would a hopefully one day mom want to move with her husband to a developing country to have less, than to stay in the flourishing first world? If you haven't gotten the trend yet, the answer is trust in Jesus. I remember this wise saying a lot, if it doesn't point to Jesus then it isn't what its supposed to be. So amazingly, I found a crazy kid who lives by this as well (though at times we both struggle with it) and we are on a lifetime adventure together because of it. I love it, even when I get frustrated that it is going God's way and not my own (like last night :), ). God is just so cool, and the realization that he is out there in every person just makes you want to smile, and to help as much as you can when needed. To move would let us do this more, it would help us to stay on the straight and narrow, even though it is gonna be rough. I'm ready for the rollercoaster ride. :)

if you are a pro-lifer check this site out

http://www.virtuemedia.org/portfolio.htm

you will love it.

mother

A mother is the most important person on earth. She cannot claim the honor of having built Notre Dame Cathedral. She need not. She has built something more magnificent than any Cathedral -- a dwelling for an immortal soul, the tiny perfection of her baby's body. -- Joseph Cardinal Mindszenty

run

To want to make it all better when it cannot be done, is hard thing. Someone always gets hurt and not in a good way. I think that impossible requests are made on both behalves, more on the one than the other. I want to run, to run far, far away and not come back. To shut out the people that make me sad and angry and the ones that are just annoying. I hate who I am perceived to be by others sometimes, someone who isn't strong enough to stand on her own, someone who is mean to the person that she loves most. I don't want to be that weak, hateful person. But I am becoming so. If I were to run to the ones that raised me and say it was all a big mistake, then I would be lying, but somewhere in my head I think that would make them happy. Why? why do I think this, why do I think that by giving in that would make them happy, or really, me happy. It wouldn't. It would make me so miserable because I know that I would have turned away from truth, from Jesus. I think the comments sometimes crush me, they suck the life out of me, that I am not living up to expectation. That I don't do this or that. And indirectly I take it out on the one person who has stood by me. Why? Again why? I don't want to, but it is easiest. And when he asserts my discord with the half-truths and the mean thoughts but wants to stay away it makes it all the easier. Devil run away. I want to fight. I need to fight. I need to fight for the good, for Jesus. For who He really is, not for giving in, not for pleasing others, but for truth. For choosing life in all cases. It just gets to me sometimes and I hate it. I hate that it has to be so hard, but it is. The only real hope I have is that Jesus loves me unconditionally and keeps me on the straight path to heaven as long as I take part in his graces - his sacraments.

you know....

Granted I'm sick of politics, but I have a few observations. It seems there are many out there that have not connected the dots and loved others. Though we all know that we are commanded to do it. A lot of folks have decided to care more about what someone can do for him/her rather than the opposite. I think the result of this election will prove that either we are a nation that is silent but will rise up to the task of caring for the weak and the marginalized and the media is wrong, or that we are a me first society. I don't want to have the defeatist attitude of the second, but I think that it is leaning towards the second. People are proud to be caring about themselves and whats it in for them. We have forgotten God, and the care of others. The value of teaching a person to make a right choice instead of protecting them so that they make the wrong one. I am all for change, if its a change that is going to better us as a people, this one isn't however. This one is just going to make it easier to fall and harder to stay on the right path. But no worries, we will fight to stay on the right path, because when you know how good it can be, why settle for less. I won't, will you?

So today was good

Today was a good day. I'm hanging in there being a fighter and loving life to the fullest. I love God and know he can get me through anything. Changed some settings on here so no more crazy stalkers come a running this way. I can't wait to be a mom and live out my vocation. And I totally think that my brother is the coolest house designer ever. Fun stuff. It was also great to talk to the other brother because he is just a great guy and I hope that he finds the best girl ever that will one day be his wife. And as for my husband, well yeah he just rocks because he runs toward Jesus everyday in his life and is such a good example for me. And he gives the absolute best hugs and compliments. Lets just say I love him more and more everyday.

and you have got to be strong....


my life:

1.) my mom still thinks I am an idol worshiping Catholic.

2.)I have an attacking sciencism/secular humanist at work, who would love to tell me that I am stupid for believing in God once again.

3.)I am war with the lack of respect for women in the world that just wants to make us be more like sad men.

The Root of it all

So to my knowledge, when an average person views a problem, they try to make the symptoms better versus actually getting to the root of the problem. Before I dive into more complex issues, let me discuss an simple one.

1.) Take the common cold, we don't have the ability to knock out a cold once it has hit us it actually has to take its course. Granted we can make it better by not aggravating it by sleeping a lot, eating healthy and taking a lot of vitamins. However, when most of us get a cold we take cold medicine to mask the symptoms of the cold so that we don't have to deal with it. Instead of slowing down to get rid of the cold quicker, we treat the symptoms and mask them and then wonder why it takes so freaking long to get rid of a cold, when really if we had slept a little more our body would have the ability to overcome it. Believe me I'm definitely guilty of this even though I know better

2.)The problem of cancer. While cancer does suck, and sometimes the cause is very difficult to pinpoint, especially in a society where everything adds to the cancer factor. And yes, it is great that people can overcome it with treatment, I am not undermining that it good to research drugs to help people overcome it. However, I do think we need to do much more research on what we can avoid or change to prevent more cases of cancer, and you know what actually follow through with these changes in habit.
A.) Wear sunscreen! If you are gonna be outside and its not pouring rain or dark, apply regularly. The sun is a major cause for skin cancer, so yeah protect yourself, and if you don't like sunscreen where more clothes, it wouldn't hurt to be a little more modest anyway. Getting that perfect tan is just going to cause issues later.
B.) Stop taking hormonal birth control! It is a known breast cancer causing agent. The risk is not worth the promiscuity. And it will also has the potential to mess you up once you decide you want a child. (think of how much money goes into fertility treatments, that we could be saving the starving of the developing countries!)
C.) Take public transit when possible! It reduces all those lovely hazardous chemicals that our body takes in that are foreign to it that it has to fight off to not become degenerate cancer cells. More research definitely needs to be done here, I hope that I am somehow part of that initiative.
D.)Don't smoke! Yeah this is just a given with lung cancer, really you are missing part of your brain if you smoke and don't think its gonna effect you later.
E.)Don't get drunk! Want to keep that thing called a liver, well you know, then really limit your alcohol consumption.

And as you can see I could go on, but I won't on the cancer effect. I just sometimes think its amazing how many bad choices people will make and assume there are no concequences.

3.)My final point, valid for the election season, is the dignity of Life. Apparently the majority of our culture seems to have little value for the smallest and the weakest of us all. It reminds me of a quote "First they came for the socialist, and I did not speak out--because I was not a socialist. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I did not speak out--because I was not a trade unionist. Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out--because I was not a Jew. Then they came for me--and there was no one left for me." -Pastor Martin Niemoller, in reference to his holocaust experience. Pretty much we have a eugenics, holocaust going on again and it is masked as choice. And at the same time most people are in the attitude of caring for self over others as well. We see all these problems that basically have stemmed from the lack of value for life. Money becomes more important, pleasure becomes more important, the environment is more important, health care is more important, bragging rights are more important. Anything is more important than defending life. Its a sad culture we live in when we can only think of how to stop the fruits of God versus embracing them. When we turn so far away from the design that God gave us and we wonder why there is so much pain the world, why so much crime, why so much poverty, or so much greed. My husband makes a good point about social security, that we have ourselves eliminated it as being anything due to our greed and misguides with the dignity of life. Now to abortion, while abortion isn't the only life issue, you have embryonic stem cell use and euthanasia and the death penalty, all of which when practice devalue life greatly, it is something we can do something about. Because at the root of it is how we value the life of another. We need to defend the littlest and the weakest among us to begin to change the current culture of death into one of life.

rights...lets rethink that

women's rights, for some reason everyone labels this as rights versus right which ultimately it is one right that they are focused on in this election, abortion at any stage and even infanticide. But the irony of it is that to carry out this right if a man did it he would be charged for murder. Granted there are male doctors that carry out the murder, and thus should be charged for it. But really why did we give ourselves as women the power to murder? I don't want that power, each life no matter how old is worth something to me and deserves protection. It's crazy that we have decided thru messed up eugenics that certain lives are more important than others. I mean I guess that people want to be in control so much that they don't understand what the consequences are to their actions.

I guess in an ideal world we would be responsible people who respected marriage and the marital embrace, but we don't live in an ideal world. Therefore, we want the pleasure of it without the responsibility, to grab at the high of something without the understanding, and I am not saying that every time you have sex a child is the product, because that is untrue. But the fact that you should be open to that should be true. Most people have found a way to disconnect sex and the responsibility of children. It's crazy sometimes to me what lengths people will go to to alter their natural states of their bodies so that they don't have to accept the idea of a child. When these methods fail it is called an accident. Pure insanity, for me I know that every time I engage in sex with my husband, there is always a connection of this act could produce a child, no barriers are drawn up to eliminate the divine chance of God granting us a child even in the barren parts of the cycle.

Most of the time that a women agrees to an abortion there is some moral act that been compromised, either the man who married her said "what your birth control failed, we can't afford another child", or in act where a teenager wanting to be dangerous and not willing to wait has one of those so called "accidents", a women with a scewed version of love hooks up with a guy one night and finds her self pregnant with no father in the picture at all, a woman has an affair outside of her marriage and her version of birth control fails, or the most seen example I am betting is when a women who is co habitating or habitually sleeping with the same man outside of a committed marriage has a failed birth control incident either by her will trying to get him to commit or again in an "accident" situation where the birth control method fails.

All of previous situations mentioned deal with situations where a women finds herself vulnerable would consider abortion because she knows that it would be hard to take care of a child in her circumstance. Granted I want to get rid of abortion, as it is intrinsically evil, but at the same time I want to be able to council these women that find themselves in these situations and get their standards back on track no longer detaching sex with child. There is a whole other slew of wrong things that go along with the methods used for birth control, as they cause many illnesses later on down the road, along with many broken families. I still have my issues with breast cancer because I know a lot of it is caused by methods of hormonal birth control.

I am sure the argument for birth control is simply so a woman can have a child when she is ready, and as nice as that argument is, it just doesn't hold up. And the lengths that people go to try and have it hold up are completely wrecking our society, one child at a time.

lalalalallama

Just a few thoughts here on the election. My husband and I have a lot of political discussions mainly on who we think would be the least evil candidate when it comes to upholding the dignity of life. Most issues today are early life debates as abortion and embryonic stem cell research are on the forefront (not trying to ignore the importance of end of life issues, they just don't seem to be what people are chomping at the bit about). And to look at the two main candidates today, you have one that is pretty evil along these lines, but trys to say that he is going to try to improve this and that so there will be less abortions and such and still supports embryonic stem cell research as if it is totally unrelated, its not by the way. Then you have the other major candidate who supports life when it comes to abortion, but has somehow disconnected embryonic stem cell (ESC)research from the issue of abortion and is in support of ESC research. ESC is something I think is reasoned by justification that you have people already doing the wrong thing with sperm banks, freezing eggs and in-vitro fertilization so why not use peoples wrongs for the good of science. Doesn't make it any more right, just means we have moved further and further away from the root of the problem and really are on shaky ground these days as a country. To add the VPs into the mix, one is a Catholic who apparently treats his faith like a cafeteria line picking and choosing what is he likes a hamburger and a cookie and staying away from those vegetables which are essential for a healthy faith in Jesus. And then on the other hand you have someone who is very strong in her faith, but really sucks at her knowledge of the job. As much as I respect her for her values, I am not sure I can trust her lack of knowledge of running the country. So ruling out the guy that is most intrinsically evil with his pseudo-Catholic running mate, does one vote for the lesser evil candidate in hopes he will defeat worst option or throw in a third party candidate that really lines up with the principles that are important to me as a Catholic christian? I really don't know.

Second, one note on the financial crisis. I think its a bit crazy that our country is so founded on money that is not there. Makes me think a little more about the fall of the US empire happening sooner than we think.

hmm, emotional but why?

After liking the sound of the song on the radio, and then watching the video on youtube,Hush by Automatic Loveletter I wonder why I like it, maybe its because I had thoughts like this before I met Keith. But what is this song about? Really when it comes down to it, its about the fact that a relationship has died and the video makes it out to be a relationship where there is sex and no value of commitment in marriage. What culture has accepted as normal, but for me its not. Because by the grace of God I got the real thing, and I should thank God more for that everyday. I don't have to go through the pain of having a loveless relationship that is full of inconsistencies and is searching for something more always, so that when they engage in sex they are left empty because they don't have that love there. So thank-you Daddy God. Thanks for Keith. Thanks for helping me through my struggles so that Keith and I can have a strong marriage in you. Thank-you for not having the culture sway me into thinking that Keith isn't worth it, but instead for you showing me that he is worth keeping around for a lifetime. Thank-you for giving me the grace to keep our relationship in your hands and keep it pure and chaste. I love you for that.

its not that he's black

Is race an issue?

I really don't think it is at all for me? At least I would hope to think so. Someone wise (Lance Roy) once told me that there are two kinds of people in this world good and bad. Now knowing a lot more these are intertwined a lot. But in general it holds up, would you want a president who makes good decisions when it comes to life or one that is afraid to impose the fact that life begins at conception to people. It is not a faith matter. And to me its not because he is black that I won't vote for him. Its because he doesn't have an regard for humanity at its earliest stages or even when they have been born alive through partial birth abortion. There have been many before him that haven't been able to decide on a scientific fact that I chose not to vote for as well. And will continue to not vote for them until they get it right. Granted Mr. McCain doesn't understand why the death penalty is wrong and why embryonic stem cell research is wrong, but he at least gets that the Roe V. Wade case was totally wrong. And so ultimately he is the lesser of the two evils. And as a take along he has a brilliant woman who is poised, feminine and strong, and will fight inside liberal mentality of womens' rights. I think that whoever came up with that term really had fallen hard into the trap that women must be in competition with men instead of being a woman with all her glory and honor. And that is something I am trying to fight within me daily. But back to my real point. You either choose to follow someone who stands up for what is right or someone who makes bad choices just because they don't want to offend someone. I want to to choose the person who makes the right choices.

Yes they are afraid.

And they are defensive because of it.

Fox explains why the Left is afraid of the right

Setting me Up to be Catholic and the Power of Women

So two unrelated things that I want to address today. First, maybe another link as to why I am a Catholic convert. And Second, women can take a whole lot more than you think society and some prominent males think they can.

1. So today after reading a Lisa Hendey post on Faith and Family Live , I was looking at Catholic Names which is a site that gives you an appropriate name for a Catholic child born on a certain day. I mean its not something that is mandated, but its something someone probably thought of so that the saints could be remembered even more and would be another way to teach your child about Catholicism. So I was looking up what it would have been for the day I was born. I looked in the girls names, but there was none given for Sept. 13, so I then looked in the boys names. And oddly enough Aime came up. So google the meaning of the name, and it brought me to a page that said Aime or otherwise spelled Aimee, and if you know me then you know that's my middle name. And then looking more into the month of Sept. Names, the 9th of September was Kieran. The boy version of Kiera, my first name, so odd. So I just wonder if my parents knew what they were doing when they named me. God works in mysterious ways.

2. Reading an article in The Los Angeles Times about Sarah Palin making a mistake by being thankful for her downs syndrome child, made me think about the power of women. In this article a Canadian doctor promotes first Eugenics, by saying that Downs children are not worthy of living. But really what gets to me in this is that the reason he says that they should be aborted is that most women can't handle a Downs baby. Well first of all most women don't have downs babys. God gives them to a select few, and you know what these women are much stronger than you think Eugenics promoting doctor. I think that for some reason we are told that we can't handle anything but the normal, or even better anything that is painful. Really we can. We are women. We a built to be multi-taskers and pain takers and are built for the tough situations that arise in motherhood. We can take care of a disabled child or a child that has an extra chromosome. So stop saying that we can't. I'm sick of it. I am sick of people saying that oh you can't have a kid why you are still in school, that kid will be screwed up. Or oh you can't have a baby because you don't have a steady income. What about all those women in developing countries that handle so much more than we do in their lives and are mothers as well? They can be mothers and good mothers at that, so I think us posh americans can do it too. Women have the ability be amazing when they live the lives that they are intended to by God. So society please stop making us be a man instead of a woman, and stop telling us we aren't strong enough to rise up to the occasion of dealing with the abnormal, or even the non-pampered normal. We can!

finally

So there have been many things in the last few weeks that have come to mind that I would maybe want to blog about. Usually though I would think about them at times that I couldn't write about it. So I wouldn't and would just shove the ideas in the back of my mind. So today I needed to write.

Why is the sex industry and porn so acceptable in our society? On the one hand its thought of as a bad thing, but then every single person has their experiences with it. And even if someone intends something to be for the romance aspect. Well, it still creates feelings in the person watching or reading, that shouldn't be happening in that setting. I think that we want to think the best of people at times. We want our heroes to be people that are not involved in the culture of death. Death of the pure and holy things. But then all of those around us are proud of their experiences with these degradations, these piles of cow crap. It makes me angry but also makes me sad. There was a guy today that said that when he is around porn and such he gets nauseous, well honestly I think thats a better thing than being stimulated by it. It actually makes me think that guy has a better grasp on how terrible we have made sex out to be. Why haven't we taught guys what sex is really about. Why haven't we learned ourselves as women to respect ourselves enough to say no or to not dress like a slut. I guess its cause we suck. And I blame the people that want to pull others down into the dumpster because for some reason that dumpster must be pretty appealing. Maybe it has a beautiful painting on the front of it or something, or a whole bunch of footballs.

The part that has hit lately is the whole human trafficking thing. So many of these women are not in it because they want to be. Something or someone has made them be. And it sucks. I have to try not to cry at this because I would, I know how much a misrepresentation of sex can screw a person up. And its not fun, the thrill of it doesn't last if there is any thrill. It just sends you into a depression, at least it did for me.

I want to challenge those people that read this, the whole 2 of them, to really live out who God made them be, a sexual being, but not one that sees the opposite sex as meat or a humping post, and to dress in a way that is flattering but not revealing. Girls are beautiful to guys, and guys are handsome to girls. But lets not picture them naked, or obsess about them. Just treat them like your best friend, or your sister. I mean think of it this way would you want your sister or brother to be defiled by every man or woman she came in contact with. No. So don't do it yourself to someone else's sister or brother.

So I probably didn't have a real point. All I know is that this world is oversexualized and we aren't helping the matter by bragging about strip club experiences or porn experiences. So just stop. Read a Theology of the Body book and just start living life the way we are intended to do so.

Enough said...

rants

Ranting a bit because I am tired.

1. Soccer is a sport, so get used to it stupid Americans who don't get it. Once you are on the in with it then you can officially appreciate. If you still don't think its a sport then I retaliate by saying American football is not a sport.

2. I like being Catholic. I just do, there is so much about it that is awesome and the church that I was confirmed and married in is awesome too for being so true to the faith.

3. No sleep makes me feel old. I don't want to be old, nor look old.

4. In all actuality I wouldn't mind presenting my selenium stuff.

5. I think there is a reason that living together before marriage doesnt work for actually staying married, and that is because it carries out a culture of death and of selfishness. People are like oh we have to try this before making a commitment. But already you have two things going against you. One, there is a liberty of getting out because there is no benefit for the one person thus creating a relationship of use instead of love. Love is way more complicated than a feeling. Even I have trouble with this sometimes, but then I have the most excellent husband that reminds me what love is as he is Christ-like in his demeanor. So with the sense that there has to be some benefit for me, is selfish, pure selfishness.

Two, living together before marriage promotes a culture of death because most cases if you are living together that means you are having a non-platonic relationship, there is sexual arrousal or even, my gosh!, sex involved. And besides the whole emotional aspect that it screws up a girl, she has this disease of fertility that has to be cured so that we can pleasure without responsibility. So she either has to subject herself to having some polymer material stuck up her vagina, or hormones that make her sometimes have major complications or just depression and mood swings. And the death of it is, that the man and woman engaging in this act well they aren't open to life. Because life would make things complicated and screw up their selfish ways. So us women we have to cure this disease of fertility and we end up having a whole bunch of abortifacient chemicals in our systems. Death. lovely death. Why why why!!!!!!

6. And lastly when your friend tells you she wants to get an iud stuck up her what do you do? Reading about it, its primary form of birth control is early abortions. You try to promote NFP, but in a relationship of sex outside marriage, NFP is really hard to do, because its just completely contradictory to what is going on there. Craziness. So you think about it and you know what society tells you you can't tell her what to do, because its her freakin choice GRRRRRRR. Why do I want to promote selfishness. I want to promote selflessness, and life, not death. GRRRRRRRR.

Ok done ranting. Peace.

i wish i didn't see the effects of stress

Exactly that. I wish that I could do something and not be so stressed out by it and in the process actually feel God being in control, but I don't. For some reason I let stress get to me. GRRR. So pray for me if you read this. I need it.

Sometimes I wonder how do I eliminate the stress, but I think I simply need to see it differently. Because my new learned lesson is that prayer doesn't change God's heart, it changes ours. So yeah, I really need mine changed on this one. Really.

stumbled upon

I stumbled upon this prayer today in my morning time with God. Its so inclusive I think thats why it's entitled the Universal Prayer. But really makes one think about how everything not just how we deal with other, but everything, should include God. It makes me think about how NFP works with God, even though sometimes its tough to do so, or maybe thats a side note from my listening to Katherine and Mac yesterday.

THE UNIVERSAL PRAYER (attributed to Pope Clement XI)
Lord, I believe in you: increase my faith.
I trust in you: strengthen my trust.
I love you: let me love you more and more.
I am sorry for my sins: deepen my sorrow.

I worship you as my first beginning,
I long for you as my last end,
I praise you as my constant helper,
And call on you as my loving protector.

Guide me by your wisdom,
Correct me with your justice,
Comfort me with your mercy,
Protect me with your power.

I offer you, Lord, my thoughts: to be fixed on you;
My words: to have you for their theme;
My actions: to reflect my love for you;
My sufferings: to be endured for your greater glory.

I want to do what you ask of me:
In the way you ask,
For as long as you ask,
Because you ask it.

Lord, enlighten my understanding,
Strengthen my will,
Purify my heart,
and make me holy.

Help me to repent of my past sins
And to resist temptation in the future.
Help me to rise above my human weaknesses
And to grow stronger as a Christian.

Let me love you, my Lord and my God,
And see myself as I really am:
A pilgrim in this world,
A Christian called to respect and love
All whose lives I touch,
Those under my authority,
My friends and my enemies.

Help me to conquer anger with gentleness,
Greed by generosity,
Apathy by fervor.
Help me to forget myself
And reach out toward others.

Make me prudent in planning,
Courageous in taking risks.
Make me patient in suffering, unassuming in prosperity.

Keep me, Lord, attentive at prayer,
Temperate in food and drink,
Diligent in my work,
Firm in my good intentions.

Let my conscience be clear,
My conduct without fault,
My speech blameless,
My life well-ordered.
Put me on guard against my human weaknesses.
Let me cherish your love for me,
Keep your law,
And come at last to your salvation.

Teach me to realize that this world is passing,
That my true future is the happiness of heaven,
That life on earth is short,
And the life to come eternal.

Help me to prepare for death
With a proper fear of judgment,
But a greater trust in your goodness.
Lead me safely through death
To the endless joy of heaven.

Grant this through Christ our Lord. Amen.

the oddities of morality in Friday Night Lights

so again when we can't ever call someone out when they make a bad choice, then we have a society where everything is OK, and one full of hypocrisy.

Take the show Friday Night Lights,

While this is an exaggeration of what actually happens in the Bible belt south, it still represents some skewed views of what it is to be a Christian. And for someone to simply see this show and then say ok those people are Christians would be bad representation of what God wants us to be.

1. One of the Christian Moms, who is Black none the less, works for Planned Parenthood. (if the killing of innocent lives by Planned Parenthood isn't enough, then the eugenics of the organization should send you over the top).

2. One of the cheerleaders, Lila, is promiscuous and immodest who again goes to church and prays regularly but doesn't understand that God applies to her sex life.

3. All of these families have only 1 child, while some people can only have 1 child, but most of the people only choose to have one child because it would be too much work and sacrifice to have more.

4. Lila's father seems to think that anything less than the ideal for his not so good daughter and said that he would not support his daughter if she were to marry a crippled man. Because it would require too much sacrifice.

5. The boys in this "Christian" town are allowed to have as much sex as they want and in any way they want, and they are allowed to cheat with all schoolwork because they play football.

Many reasons why you can't just let things go. You need to be tolerant in the way that it is true instead of the live and let live philosophy.

lesson

lesson being taught to me by God...

"I wanna be I wanna be like that mountain
I wanna stand taller and bigger than rest
See I just wanna be it a guy who wins all the time
I wanna be a big star a king and rule my own life
And God I know that it's wrong
So please just make my heart right
Inside and destroy my pride"

the things that odd ones like me think about

1. If we don't uphold the commands that God gave us and continues to give us in our actions and how we deal with others what will the world come to. Why is it that if it hurts someone's feelings but its what God tells us to do that we go against God? It just bugs me that because we are afraid to hurt each other's feelings we become this society that allows the bad and turns away from the good.

2.Am I racist or a bigot of some sort when behind me the man turns on his cell phone mp3 player and I am totally annoyed, because it is so loud and distracting. But the man was black. I would like to think I would be annoyed with anyone that plays their mp3 cell phone, when the rules post that you have to use headphones, but for some reason on the train it is always a black person. I hope that I haven't become someone who is annoyed at a particular race, but only a particular trait of disturbing others.

3. So you always see parents reprimanding kids for swearing, the thing is that most of those parents will swear in front of their kids. So why do they get so upset for their kids for swearing when they themselves aren't being a good example. Kids learn stuff from their parents despite what some may tell you.

Sorry for the rants.

sometimes i wish people would remove the blinders

So. I think that someone close to me is making a really poor decision. He knows it deep down that it is bad, but he enjoys the company the pleasure of it all. It seems he is so lost that he has given up on God for a quick fix, instead of seeking the root of the issue. I wish more people understood true love. That sex isn't love. Love is so much more than that. And to limit it to that would be cheapening it. It's like cheapening grace, which people do all the time. And to some extent myself included. But I don't want to take love for granted. Love is hard, it includes suffering, patience, self-control, goodness, and kindness. All of these things very essential to love. At times it involves humility and sacrifice. But it always should have the intention of what is best for the other person involved. And should not be selfish. Unfortunately, most of the time we forget that we need to be self-less and not selfish in love. That we need to look deeper into our decisions and figure out how they will effect those around me that I love. Will I destroy this relationship by this. Will I create a false sense of security from this action. And overall by doing this will I offend my God, my savior and my Father.

grrrr....

So yet again, I get another link to join a group on facebook about gas prices. I am throughly annoyed with this type of response. Annoyance without action means nothing. If a person simply complains without having a response, something that they do to change this, then its like being a saved by faith alone protestant. Which completely misses the point too. Grr.

Why don't we try to walk more, ride a bike, take more pubic transport (its free air conditioning with a low cost ride that helps us with our CO2 emissions!), buy local produce, eat less meat, use less high energy devices. Make lifestyle choices that cost less. Maybe getting something used instead of new. Maybe fixing something instead of getting new. And above all recycle!!! To make new of all things plastic requires oil, so just recycle and reduce that dependence. And you know what, it will make us a healthier nation as a whole. In many retrospects. Maybe we will have a better respect for what God gave us instead of taking it for granted.

it goes pop

So apparently a lot of americans eat a lot of popcorn. I maybe have it twice a year, and at that its kettlecorn.

Large Popcorn
1,283 calories
78 g fat (49 g saturated)
1,850 mg sodium

Yes, yes, it’s the custom; everyone at the theatre is eating popcorn. In fact, each American consumes more than 200 cups of popcorn a year, and it’s no surprise considering a movie theatre’s large bucket is 20 cups in itself! But snub the butter soak and you’ll save yourself from two-and-a-half day’s worth of saturated fat.

From a Yahoo Health Article: http://health.yahoo.com/experts/eatthis/8224/6-worst-things-to-eat-at-the-movies/

i want to sleep

So the caffeine has worn off. It's after lunch. I have to wait till the calculation steadies one more point. And I want to sleep. What a better way to wait but to talk about how much I want to have a baby and how I struggle with where I am at and what prevents me from doing so.

Well it is pretty obvious to both Keith and I that we are called to be parents. We really want children. And we usually joke that we want to raise little priests and nuns. So I guess that means no grandkids, but oh well. Anyway, I really want to be a mom. Because I want to be able to learn more about sacrificial love and understand what it is to love in another way different than husband and wife love and different then friend love. Sometimes I don't know how to verbalize it well enough.

Keith and I express aloud that we don't want to wait to have children, that we want to be generous parents from the get go (not the GE gas station, :)). Many people have told me that they see me being a mama. I see that right now that is what God intends in my future, however, there are obstacles at present.

First of all, I'm a student in a school without childcare. I'm in a field that is anti-kid, and I am not sure how those around me would react to me bringing a child to work with me, even though I know that it wouldn't be overtly a bad thing. Sometimes I think that would actually make me want to be here, instead of seeing this job as something I have to do so that I get be a mama.

So I have maybe a year or two left here. What will I decide to do. Well Keith and I have decided that for now we will be patient, until September, and then decide if this is something that we can do.

I know that I would not feel bad about making the sacrafices for a child. I don't need to have the latest everything. I actually think that potentially having a baby wouldn't be overtly expensive as long as I stick with attachment parenting, ecological breastfeeding and co sleeping. That means no crib, no constant diaper costs, no baby food costs. A lot cheaper. And all the hospital visits, well, I want a midwife and a doula. Not a doctor. I think that babies were born tons of times without a doctor, and not till the 19OO's did they have doctors for delivery. I don't think its needed that much.

Anyway, so I am a crazy girl, with a supportive husband, who wants to be a mom. Usually this is more than most people get. Probably why they contracept and abort. But yeah God is good, and I know he shares in my sufferings and in my joys as well. So the scary things about having children, well God's there to get me thru it to share in it.

But really in all this, I have learned that I need to pray for guidance. Probably almost daily, and to have faith that if it is God's will, then it will be done and done well if I have anything to say about it. So if anything, all the wanting a baby has challenged me to really think about God and remember that is my focus.

Studying Politics....

Apparently, I suck at debating politics. But I am ok with that. I am not very good sometimes at espressing my views. Or rather the views I have due to truth. But this is why I end up being a republican more often than democrat. It is from the priests for life site. http://www.priestsforlife.org/elections/voterguide.htm

FIVE NON-NEGOTIABLES

These five current issues concern actions that are intrinsically evil and must never be promoted by the law. Intrinsically evil actions are those that fundamentally conflict with the moral law and can never be deliberately performed under any circumstances. It is a serious sin to deliberately endorse or promote any of these actions, and no candidate who really wants to advance the common good will support any action contrary to the non-negotiable principles involved in these issues.

1. Abortion

The Church teaches that, regarding a law permitting abortions, it is "never licit to obey it, or to take part in a propaganda campaign in favor of such a law, or to vote for it" (EV 73). Abortion is the intentional and direct killing of an innocent human being, and therefore it is a form of homicide.

The unborn child is always an innocent party, and no law may permit the taking of his life. Even when a child is conceived through rape or incest, the fault is not the child’s, who should not suffer death for others’ sins.

2. Euthanasia

Often disguised by the name "mercy killing," euthanasia is also a form of homicide. No person has a right to take his own life, and no one has the right to take the life of any innocent person.

In euthanasia, the ill or elderly are killed, by action or omission, out of a misplaced sense of compassion, but true compassion cannot include intentionally doing something intrinsically evil to another person (cf. EV 73).

3. Embryonic Stem Cell Research

Human embryos are human beings. "Respect for the dignity of the human being excludes all experimental manipulation or exploitation of the human embryo" (CRF 4b).

Recent scientific advances show that often medical treatments that researchers hope to develop from experimentation on embryonic stem cells can be developed by using adult stem cells instead. Adult stem cells can be obtained without doing harm to the adults from whom they come. Thus there is no valid medical argument in favor of using embryonic stem cells. And even if there were benefits to be had from such experiments, they would not justify destroying innocent embryonic humans.

4. Human Cloning

"Attempts . . . for obtaining a human being without any connection with sexuality through ‘twin fission,’ cloning, or parthenogenesis are to be considered contrary to the moral law, since they are in opposition to the dignity both of human procreation and of the conjugal union" (RHL I:6).

Human cloning also involves abortion because the "rejected" or "unsuccessful" embryonic clones are destroyed, yet each clone is a human being.

5. Homosexual "Marriage"

True marriage is the union of one man and one woman. Legal recognition of any other union as "marriage" undermines true marriage, and legal recognition of homosexual unions actually does homosexual persons a disfavor by encouraging them to persist in what is an objectively immoral arrangement.

"When legislation in favor of the recognition of homosexual unions is proposed for the first time in a legislative assembly, the Catholic lawmaker has a moral duty to express his opposition clearly and publicly and to vote against it. To vote in favor of a law so harmful to the common good is gravely immoral" (UHP 10).

So, yeah, maybe there are a few democrats that get these things, but unfourtunately that is not the norm. However, I am willing to look for those that do line up with the church on these issues. And fourtunately, my family has taught me well for these to be non-negotiable things as well.

life

Since Keith's plane is delayed 30 minutes, I am gonna post here. First of all, I was not happy to be back. Because I know more and more that what I am doing presently is not what I feel called to do for the rest of my life. I am trying to discern that still. Many times on vacation, I was asked what do you do, what do you want to do with your degree. I have come up with the answer that I want to teach, though I am not sure that they understand that it probably won't be chemistry unless I have to. I would much rather help people with other things than teach chemistry. I did a spiritual gift test, and it was kinda funny, because you can see how things are gonna turn out like half way through. I knew I was gonna get the missionary gift. I have been told before that I have a missionary spirit. I think that is true. I love helping people that need me and that are not like me. I love helping others to understand God better and to just help with them with everyday things. Sometimes I think maybe i get in the way, but hopefully not too much. The other thing I got is Faith, which means trusting in God for everything. I hope this is true, but sometimes I let my selfishness get in the way. I can be quite a brat sometimes. And a little impatient. I kinda think that I want to work with women teaching them something sciency. There was an article in the Heifer Int. magazine, and it talked about a huge need for women to be involved in the development of clean water systems in developing countries. This would be a cool thing to do. Because this would unite two passions redeeming true womanhood and helping others in an environmental way. I think it would be cool. Anyway, that is all. I can't think too well right now due to lack of good sleep.

educated =liberal ? I don't think so

Click on the title to read the article referenced in this post.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080521/ap_on_el_pr/campaign_exit_poll


The author of this article seems to think that in order to be educated, one be a liberal. I beg to differ. If one was truly educated on truth, then they wouldn't be liberal at all. They would understand true tolerance, as described in a previous post.

Also even if you are uneducated, that doesn't mean you are a racist, as the author seems to imply as well. Yeah, so why are the bible belters voting for the democrats anyway? Oh right, I forgot that whole abortion issue isn't a big deal to them anymore. Hmm, the dignity of each human from conceptionforgotten (at least everywhere else but Colorado, go them for proposing a well supported ammendment!). Well, I will continue to pray.

honestly, I need to be me

So I have decided that I have become way too obsessed with the fact that people don't like the changes I have made in my life. Well too bad, get over it. I like being me, and I am happy being me. And enough is enough.
Today my arm hurts alot. Probably because I decided to vacuum and lift many heavy objects dig a few holes. and then carry a suitcase a good half mile or so. Fun stuff. I guess that I haven't explained why my arm should hurt abnormally. You see I managed to break my arm in the fall due to not knowing the proper way of falling. My husband is however, great at falling, so he dives all the time without a scratch. Anyway, since breaking my elbow in the fall, I have now in the spring discovered that my arm once again is acting up. So I went to see a doctor, they were like yeah you have a piece of your bone in your elbow joint that is causing you pain. So eventually when the insurance decides that it ok I will get an MRI and then probably have some sort of surgery to get the fragment out. So maybe, just maybe I can have a non-hurt arm again. In the mean time, I will try to attempt doing things as a lefty when it comes to the heavy lifting and the vacuuming and even trying to start the lawn mower, which I totally cannot do anymore, grr.

Anyway, I had a good conversation with a friend last night about the line between helping and hurting someone by calling them out on something. This is a very hard line to stay on the helping side. At least for me because I observe things a lot. I observe people and read about the habits of people, so sometimes I want to be like can't you just learn to do this. Why can't you see that this is harming you. It becomes a crazy mess. Sometimes by pointing out the behavior in the way I do, I actually enable it. Other times, I just lecture the person till they feel bad about their behavior, but they don't know how to fix it, or to please me. But that totally misses the point. The point is that Jesus charges me to help people. And sometimes my human ways just hurt. Because most of the time the person needs to figure it out their self, because their own conscience needs to be convicted. They need to see the harm or the destruction. The pain that comes of it. If they don't see it they aren't gonna change. They are gonna think well thats nice and keep doing the same thing. I think really I have learned that most of the time, and I'm still learning this, that people just want you to listen to them. Only give advice when they ask for it. I have the tendency to have the know-it-all personality, so I want to put my two cents in constantly. Its a struggle to sit back and listen. But God wants me to do that and to be there for people when they need it.

My friend said for her she wants people to do as she would in a situation or with a certain issue. We concluded this was natural, and at times only due to what our preferences in life are. We forget that Jesus loved everybody. So it is a daily struggle to help and not harm. I mean I did it today. I sometimes think it crazy that my advisor's wife lives a good 15 hours away. But my co-worker reminded me that not everyone needs to have people surrounding them like I do. It made me think of those people that have to deal with their spouse being away due to military duty. I don't think I could do it, I mean maybe I could with God's help, but I think I would have to find a good group of friends to have companionship around me.

Anyway, I am glad that I am choosing to do youth ministry. I think it will help me to not judge, but to help, and sometimes to just listen. :)

Absolutely Brilliant!!! I kinda wish this was told to me when I was younger.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c800q53nysw&NR=1

how did I change really?

From college till now.

1.) I don't hate men.
2.) I understand more of who I am and what God intends of me.
3.) I speak up more about what I believe in.
4.) I actually go out and help people.
5.) I actually like church.
6.) I finally feel at home at church instead of being at a rock show or wierded out.
7.) I actually am in check with my pattern sins and trying to do something about them.
8.) I like a sense of stability and understand what it is be part of something bigger than me.
9.) I am more outspoken.
10.)I have looked into issues and have decided where I stand on them.
11.)I like trains. :)
12.)I enjoy watching baseball more than before, though I did go to games before in college.

what didnt change

1.) I still like soccer.
2.) I still like tennis
3.) I still want to help others.
4.) I still don't smoke.
5.) I still don't swear.
6.) I still don't drink excessively.
7.) I still want to be a missionary.
8.) I still am fascinated with other cultures.
9.) I still like traveling
10.)I still am conservative in the way I dress.
11.)I still read my bible daily.
12.)I still read books a lot.
13.)I still like to go outside for a good run when frustrated.
14.)I still like practical gifts.
15.)I still love emo music, and other various genres.
16.)I still like kermit the frog.
17.)I still like getting A's on things.
18.)I still like languages.
19.)I still like to watch video games and not play them so much.
20.)I still like art a lot.
21.)I still like architecture a lot and am quite fascinated with buildings.
22.)I still love saving the environment and recycling every chance I get.
23.)I still love silly B romantic comedies that make me smile and escape from reality.
24.)I still dress in my nerd punk surfer style.
25.)I still like being outside for good walks in the park.
26.)I still believe in Jesus as my savior.
27.)I still believe in a trinitarian God.
28.)I still go to church every Sunday not out of guilt or routine.
29.)I still enjoy acting like a kid to enjoy the little things in life.
30.)I still can be obsessive about blogging and being online.

I could go on for a while, but I am gonna stop. I think I am still me by and large, maybe just a little more defined me who isn't afraid to stand up for what she believes.

Conversion Part Deux

So in light that I never finish anything that I start on here. I think I am actually going to try this time, at least get part 2 down.

So recap, read about Catholics unknowingly, visited a Catholic Cathedral due to the beauty of its architecture, was contemplating the showiness of my current church, and I had spent the summers working with quite a few Catholics.

1.) Going back to working at HP, we had a lot of Polish and foreign students. I remember that not to say this was me, but simply a God thing, but since God was making me stronger in my faith after that first summer of college of being disoriented and falling. I had a revival in my faith, and I guess that came out. I remember hearing about the Polish and Slavakians coming back from mass on Sunday and being all excited about it. I think I thought to myself that I was like, well I guess that being in a former communist country would make you mighty happy about going to church, even though at the time it was odd to me because they were Catholic. But I thought, well Americans are lazy, and are disengaged about who Jesus is. To really be excited about it. And also I remember them saying it was the same mass as it was at home. I thought that was odd. I remember M telling me that this had to be really boring, and probably was why people were disengaged. ??? I also remember M telling me to date MF even though I remember saying he was a Catholic, maybe M thought he could be converted?

2.) Now to the defining class. NT Spring 2005. I took this class specifically as a senior for two reasons. It was going to be easy, and it would help me to exit the Union bubble, really understanding the meat behind my beliefs. Dr. VN was a compelling teacher who forced me to think. I took my daily responses very seriously. I tried to grasp all the things taught in that class, because it was who I was as a Christian. There was ideas about the authority of the church that really hit me. He expressed his ideals that the church should have more authority than it did. Maybe even to say that it should have its own judicial system, as it seemed to lack that presently within the baptist church. He also emphasized the importance of community and how if you weren't an active member in a church then you were missing out in part of God's graces. With scripture he emphasized that there was only one interpretation of it but many applications for it. And lastly, he emphasized communion, because this was something that was important enough to do every Sunday at least. I need to remember why he thought it so important but yeah got me thinking, why the heck do us presbys and non-denoms only do it when we feel like it?

3.) Nothing against my family, I absolutely love them, with all their quirks and insecurities, and graces God blesses them with. However, generations have emphasized an anti-Catholic theme in our extended family. I believe it all is based off of misinformation and fear of the unknown. So one aunt and uncle and cousins are Greek Orthodox, and they are kind of thought odd to the rest of our family. After really interacting with a true Greek young woman, I have learned that their behavior makes sense. Its a totally different culture, sometimes very hard to understand within my ideal of less is better. But there mannerisms were nothing against us, that is just them. Their culture is a big part of their life. And so what I want to say with this is that the rest of my family thinks this particular family is Catholic. I guess in the greater sense they are pretty close to it, but if you ask a Greek Orthodox person if they are Catholic and they will say they are Greek not Catholic in the Roman rite (what most American Catholics are, and a good portion of other places as well.) But yes, so this family is the representation of Catholics to my immediate family, they judge as all of us do, their faults many, but they are still people. But yeah, took a while to get this generalization that all Catholics are lapse Catholics. Not true at all.

Re-evaluate it all

First on a side note, I didn't get rid of facebook. I did however decide to use it as something more personal than I was. I decided that I would use it for more email like purposes and really seeing how friends were instead of just playing stalker.

Now to the main event. I came into the Catholic church last Easter, for the past two months, I have been thinking about that decision, trying to figure out where I have grown, what I need to work on still ( a lot) but really it came about from a classmate telling another that I became Catholic because of my now husband. As God is probably the only one that truly gets it, seeds were planted long before that.

1.)
Some of the first seeds, was that I decided to read a book by the famous protestant author, Philip Yancy. In this book he described how his faith had survived the church. Why would his faith have to survive the church, what was so wrong with it, why was it so unsatisfying? Well I know I was a disgruntled protestant with the church at the time. I could see so many hypocritical things about it. Like selectivity, or simple dissagreements leading to splits. But looking at this book again, I found something interesting, about half of these people that this guy found influential were Catholic, though I didn't know that at the time. People like Chesterson and Henri Nouwen were among a few of them. It now amazes me that this guy that was well known protestant had many Catholic influences and wasn't afraid to mention them. I think of how I grew up, how most protestants grow up, being anti-Catholic, because Catholics to us are the worst representations of Christians, they think that they can sin as much as then want and then go to church on Sunday or confession and be fine. And really a protestant as I was really could not understand what the deal with confession was, why some guy could forgive your sins.

2.) I took this class called Arts in Western Civilization with a sculpture artist, so passionate about what he did. He taught us about art, about how art showed what our culture held dear to our hearts, whether it be food, wealth, God, or in todays society pornography. He ultimately concluded that art was for God. This made me wonder what a lack of art there was in the churches I had known. I mean sure we had stained glass windows with scenes on them. But where were the paintings, the scenes showing the love of God, the acts of the apostles, the power of God, the grace of God. In protestant churches there is little of this, and to me this was sad. I was told by him that the St. Louis Cathedral was a place of worship that was so beautiful that it was a must see. He something along the manner of that if you can't worship there with all this beauty leading towards God, then I don't know where you can worship. And when I went to see it was beautiful, though believe me I felt very odd being there, because it was so grand, and a little overwhelming being that there were many things around that were foreign to me.

3.) A friend ES, made me think in my junior year about how church should not be a show. She said that she felt like the church I was going to her was leaning that way, to be a show. Something that they were proclaiming themselves more than God. This made me think, in someways it was true. Granted to have a beautiful voice and use it for God is not a bad thing, but to treat it like a stage was another thing. I remember, as I used this example earlier, how when I went to a Nashville baptist church a similar feeling was felt, that it was a show, and in this case a rock concert. The message was so simplified that I felt so disengaged. So ES made me think twice about production of things versus truth being preached.

4.)I worked at Hershey Park around a lot of Catholics. Some went to Catholic school and took their faith seriously, others while they had strong values, were disengaged from being part of the body of believers. It was an interesting mix. However, one person, MF, helped me to realize that Catholics did have more values than what I was taught, they did respect their families, and women more than I sometimes felt in my upbringing, though this was due to my own skewed view.


And I will stop now for a moment, because it is podcasting time. Pray that I make a point.

Facebook

I am contemplating getting rid of my facebook account. As much as it sometimes can be a tool in keeping in contact with those around me. Other times, I think it becomes impersonal and almost stalker like. And if its not this, it can become something that is wasteful in time. I wonder if I got rid of this, how I would get along. Would I just call more people. I would hope so. Sometimes I like to have facebook to keep up with friends, but is it really keeping up with them in a way that they actually know that I care about them, or is simply being informed of their lives without their knowledge, which can sometimes be so removed from a real relationship that it becomes stalker like. So why should I keep this account? I guess I should do a Rory Gilmore Pros and Cons List. So I will
Pros:
1.) I get to see what Friends far away are up to in pictures.
2.) There are fun quizzes to take.
3.) There is an email account included on the facebook account which is nice.
4.) I can remember people's birthday that I would not otherwise remember.
5.) I feel more connected with those in my past.

Cons:
1.) I don't often communicate with my friends thru this form of communication and therefore actually feel less involved in their lives.
2.) It is a waste of time and can almost be a hindrance in productivity.
3.) When communicating thru facebook, it doesn't give a real sense of communication most times, especially thru the wall.
4.) I call people less, and sometimes get upset that those around me that use it call me less.
5.) It doesn't allow the personable communication that would be nice to have sometimes.
6.) Am I really friends with all those people?
7.) I like blogging better, its more anonymous.
8.) It detracts from the real sense of caring about those around me


yeah, I think I am gonna have to do something about this. I want to be authentic, and sometimes I think facebook in its entirety allows me not to be so. So if anyone actually reads this, I think I will be giving my two weeks notice to Facebook shortly and requesting real mail, at least accessing it for the wall and such. Because facebook is not helping in the long run.

~Kiera

Mary a mother example for all of us

I thought about this a few days back, though, I was busy with presentations and tests so I never had a chance to sit down and write. Hopefully, what I thought about then all comes back to me now.
First of all, my thoughts went first back to the film about home birth. It still fascinates me and I am determined to have a home birth now for many reasons, as long as I don't have any medical complications, which 80% of births do not.
But then I thought about motherhood, I thought about how I so badly want to be a mother, but society in subconscious and some conscience ways doesn't want me to be. They say that in order to have worth you need a career outside of the home, something that gives you fulfillment. Why isn't being a mom fulfilling enough. I guess when it comes without really understanding that we are made for each other, to have real intimate relationships with each other, and this is who we really are. (and I mean intimate in a way unlike the normal connotation, but maybe what one would say is a deep meaningful relationship) If we don't understand what we were made for then, we look for fulfillment elsewhere, and sometimes you do need to have a career to survive. This is the way that I look at work, something that I have to do to survive. Because for me it is evident that I thrive off relationships with others. I am gettting a PhD in physical computational applied theoretical electrochemistry, and you know what I am not going to be that. I am going to use my degree so that I can be the best mother that I can be. I will use all the skills and the knowledge that I have gained to rear or raise my children. I have many other passions and interests that amount to more knowledge than this and I will be able to use these in my motherhood. And some would be like well you can't teach a child electrochemistry when they are 2. Well maybe you can't at least not at the level that I know it, but that is a sacrifice to raise little lights of Christ that I am willing to take.
I think in someways, the way that motherhood is downplayed makes it all the more significant, because we will be looked at as uneducated in the western world's standards of intelligence for a woman. We will be thought of as women who are retreating away from what women's liberation has done for us. I mean honestly, if women's liberation has only done things that have made men and women be identical instead of being equal but separate. I don't want any part of it. I don't want to have to suppress what God has built me with to function as a man in society, instead of the woman that I am. I am going to be a mom, because through being a mom I am fulfilled in God's design of who I am. I will have the hardest "career", as I will be responsible for the fragility of tiny person and for the development of them into adulthood in many aspects. I will have to see that they grow into lights of Christ, never ceasing to what to serve their God and to seek to understand the world around them.
And lastly, I bring up Mary. This woman and I have had our issues as I became Catholic last year, mainly because as Protestants say she comes out at Christmas and that is it. But I have begun to understand her as more. Being the Mother of God, she has such a huge role in Christianity, that we really cannot deny or suppress. Why? Because she is an example of how all women can serve Christ. She was at his right hand, seeing him through all things, giving support, really just sacarficing her life for him. She had no idea what his life was to become, but she accepted the challenge, as a mother, a care-giver. She was so humble and not proud and really just pointed in her actions towards her son. and this is how we can understand motherhood through her example.

A song stuck in my head "Oh My God" by Jars of Clay

This song strikes me in a strange way. It's just a cry out to the creator. It's someone who sees all the wrong and the destruction in this world and is perplexed by it all. A reaction to going somewhere trying to do something short term about and realizing that isn't enough. I sometimes think that's part of the reason coming back from doing short term missions, I don't feel good about myself. My brother put it well when he was in N. Ireland, there was a group of people that came in for a week, and they got kids involved, cleaned up the neighborhoods, got people to come to church for a week, and then when they left it was back to what it was before they came. Low church attendance, little involvement, kids on the streets getting into trouble, lots of unemployment everywhere you went. I think that the one thing that I learned about it all doing these short trips was that you should appreciate everything you have. Most Americans have too much. We have the latest gadgets, the latest fashions, the best food to eat, the nicest cars to drive. I still tell my husband that our house is way too big for us. Granted we want a family and it was on the market cheap due to the housing crisis in America, but still its too much. It could house 5 families in a different country. There could be 15 people living in it. And most people would think I am quite the crazy one to think this way. Because most people just want to live comfortably, and sometimes I do too. But this is not what my life is about. Not one bit. My life is serving God. I think thats why I get so upset about the innocent being destroyed, and most don't get why because for most Americans they want this comfort. They are so lost in it all, and they may deny the want for it. It's sad to think about it. And why do we do it. I think sometimes its because we don't let God in enough, we aren't repentant enough, and if you are Catholic, we aren't confessing enough and learning from our mistakes. We need to see the power of God, the perfection of him in our weakness and we fail to do this time and time again. As the priest gave the homily last week on this, it makes so much sense. He sees it, and thank God for priests like him that do. Unfortunately, most will say it doesn't apply to them even though it does. For me its pride, God's mercy is made perfect everytime he humbles me. And believe me since I am an arrogant young person, it happens a lot. But I really should work, so I will leave you to decide for yourself what you think of the lyrics of this beautiful cry for help.



"Oh my God, look around this place
Your fingers reach around the bone
You set the break and set the tone
Flights of grace, and future falls
In present pain
All fools say, "Oh my God"

Oh my God, Why are we so afraid?
We make it worse when we don't bleed
There is no cure for our disease
Turn a phrase, and rise again
Or fake your death and only tell your closest friend
Oh my God.

Oh my God, can I complain?
You take away my firm belief and graft my soul upon your grief
Weddings, boats and alibis
All drift away, and a mother cries

Liars and fools; sons and failures
Thieves will always say
Lost and found; ailing wanderers
Healers always say
Whores and angels; men with problems
Leavers always say
Broken hearted; separated
Orphans always say
War creators; racial haters
Preachers always say
Distant fathers; fallen warriors
Givers always say
Pilgrim saints; lonely widows
Users always say
Fearful mothers; watchful doubters
Saviors always say

Sometimes I cannot forgive
And these days, mercy cuts so deep
If the world was how it should be, maybe I could get some sleep
While I lay, I dream we're better,
Scales were gone and faces light
When we wake, we hate our brother
We still move to hurt each other
Sometimes I can close my eyes,
And all the fear that keeps me silent falls below my heavy breathing,
What makes me so badly bent?
We all have a chance to murder
We all feel the need for wonder
We still want to be reminded that the pain is worth the thunder

Sometimes when I lose my grip, I wonder what to make of heaven
All the times I thought to reach up
All the times I had to give
Babies underneath their beds
Hospitals that cannot treat all the wounds that money causes,
All the comforts of cathedrals
All the cries of thirsty children - this is our inheritance
All the rage of watching mothers - this is our greatest offense

Oh my God
Oh my God
Oh my God"

Becoming a Mom

Just to set the record straight, at this moment I am not pregnant. A lot of people around me are, but I am not. Today I watched a documentary called "The Business of Being Born" by Ricki Lake. It was really good. It was about how 80% of births have no need to take place in a hospital setting where doctors are around. A midwife is more than capable of handling most births and from watching this film, I think they should. C-sections have become the way most women deliver babies now, and if not then they are heavily sedated that they cannot feel what their bodies are doing, or they are induced for doctor's convenience so they can get leave their shifts on time. Most OBGYNs have not seen natural birth, the way God set us up to have a child actually happen. That simply amazed me. Epidurals are almost standard, which to me is crazy. I want to feel my body actually giving birth. The other thing that amazed me is that the position that we see textbook births in is not the best position to have birth. Squatting is actually the best position, instead of being on your back. It helps the process to be so much better. It was amazing watching these births in this way, the woman seemed so much more comfortable, so much more relaxed and without drugs. Why do we woman think we have to be on drugs for all things concerning our fertility? I really don't get it. God really built us able to be in control of it ourselves without having drugs at all. One of the most amazing parts was seeing the part of the husband or the family members and the doula (which I will explain later). They all were doing things to help comfort the future mom, but also letting her being charge of her own body. And if you have a midwife and you develop complications during pregnancy they will help you to get to a doctor that can do something about it. They are trained to know what it to do. They know how to turn around breached babies, which is key. Basically I think as long as I have no complications in my pregnancies I am definitely going this way. It is so much cheaper too, and you have human interaction instead of cold doctors who aren't excited about the miracle happening. Granted not all doctors are programmed but I still think a woman seems to have a much better experience with a midwife than a normally trained OBGYN.

And now to how this relates to my pro-life self. I think that because having the ability to give birth naturally is a gift from God, it is essentially pro-life. By doing this, infants have a higher chance of survival, the mother has less chance of infections, or having later complications with future pregnancies. These are all measures of how being open to life in the way God designed it to be makes it pro-life. We aren't altering what already works. Supposedly with the way birth in hospitals is done with inducing of labor and epidurals we are creating more chances for the baby to be killed in vaginal childbirth, which is then why babies are delivered thru C-sections. Its kinda crazy. I think it has to do with the fact that we don't want to be inconvenienced in some sense, and in others, its all we know and so we think its the only way that it can be done as told by doctors. It's also amazing that due to being on massive amounts of drugs during childbirth, woman no longer feel that true connection their child, they find it hard to breast feed because of this. It doesn't come naturally. Why do we want to mess with these things that our bodies are designed to do. I wonder some day if some woman won't be able to give birth naturally anymore because of evolving in that manner. If this is the case it will be an even sadder world than it is today with many more lost people looking for love in all the wrong places.

To leave on a note of connections, which are always interesting with me. it has been proposed that having these drugs put into woman during childbirth may be a cause of the high amounts of attention deficit disorders, and problems of that matter. Researchers have not looked into this enough to know if this is true, but most birth drugs given do not see immediate side effects but only after several years of having them being used.

some thoughts...

Just so I get this off my mind. I have been beating myself up that I didn't answer the question correctly about the difference in being pro-choice and killing children. When you are pro-choice, it means that somewhere in your head you have disconnected the idea of when life begins from the scientific fact that it begins at conception. You have disconnected the fact that even though you may not understand what it going on in a woman's body during this time, she is forming a fully developed life. You are advocating that to suck out the brains of an almost full term baby and have it born as a stillborn is ok, because someone this prevents it from being a true life. You don't think about how a woman will be so depressed after this procedure, that she herself will take her own life many times. So think about it. What are you advocating in this measure. Think about all the wonderful people who want to have a child and can't. They want it so badly but it never happens for them. And then think of all the innocent who have been destroyed because of this viewpoint. There is a life there. A human, in its early stages of development, a stage you once were. I mean thats the part that baffles me. We once were these tiny humans, and we made it through. Why don't we want this for everyone. Think about all of your friends and if their moms had decided to abort them. Where would you be? What if your mother had an abortion and you are missing a sibling? Think of the dynamic lost. Its so strange to think about, and I leave you at that. To kill an innocent child is the same as having pro-choice views, even if you yourself could never do it.

Planned Parenthood upset about the rise in Birth Control Costs

So supposedly birth control went up 900% from what it was last year. I say good. Because maybe it will make people think about their choices. As we all know its about choice. lol. Anyway, just thought that was interesting. Found an add on campus about how we should be more upset about birth control than gas prices rising. It's kinda funny, I think that planned parenthood is an organization that only deals with symptoms of a bigger problem. Probably why the same people that support them also get annoyed with gas prices rising. They don't see the bigger picture. Granted I spent about 3 extra hours on public transportation in the last 24 hours, but I see there is more than just complaining about gas prices to solve a problem. We need to get rid of our gas dependency in general. As with birth control, we need to get rid of the idea that we need it to be intelligent about our choices. It's actually the most unintelligible thing to do about having sex.

The Two Lamest Excuses

The two lamest excuses that someone who is supposed to be an adult can give are:

1) Its complicated
2)I'm an adult and I can make my own choices.

Both represent a lack of control on the situation at hand and it proves that adults are just big kids with more problems. And since they don't want to deal with the situation at hand their responses are these lame ones. I mean adults use these excuses all the time when they no longer want to discuss something because they know that there is something that is ridiculous about their thinking. They are so caught up with the teenager syndrome where they cannot have someone else tell them what to do that they will object to just about anything. Its like the case for ethical neutrality where no one else can tell you what to do because only you know what is best for you. It doesnt work. As in True Tolerance it states, "No one is so poor as to lack a richly stocked storehouse of self-deceptions, often transparent to everyone but himself. The alcoholic who insists that he is indifferent to the bottle is merely a conspicuous example of the kind of dishonesty with self we all practice inconspicuously. Moreover, even when we do know what is best for us, we do not always pursue it. This di due only in part to pride and weakness of will. Defects in our institutions can actually make our best courses impossible to follow. Then again, without closing off any course completely, they may yet offer all-but -irresistible temptations to ignore the long-range consequences of wrong or foolish choices."

And I think that perfectly explains #2 so I will leave that one alone.

Now for #1
It's complicated, I mean can it get any lamer. Really well yeah we know it's complicated, but how'd you get there in the first place. Probably through a series of choices from #1 and so since you know you have made a little bit messed up choices due to your own pride getting in the way, well then you have to justify it. And your justification is simply its complicated. Why don't you do something about that, get your head on straight and make better choices. We all can learn from mistakes if we truely let ourselves be repentant.

Feminists for Life

"When a man steals to satisfy hunger, we can safely assume there is something wrong in society-so when a woman destroys the life of her unborn child, it is an evidence that either by education or circumstances she has been greatly wronged."
-Mattie Brinkerhoff

Why suicide?

Today, I heard of a former Union student committing suicide. Jonathan Stonecipher
This is not the first of suicides that I have been so incredibly sorrowful over. My high school principal shot himself late last year. A young sixth grader in the town that my husband grew up in killed herself over getting a bad grade on something.
It makes me wonder, what brings these individuals to this. Today I had a discussion with someone about how duplicity is very accepted in our society. You say Hi how are you to so many people. and the answer is always "fine," or if you are a grad student, then its simply "tired." but really are we fine everytime this is asked. No. Absolutely not. Especially if you have a personality like my own where there is always a problem to fix due to my analytical brain. (that and I want to fix the world all the time.) But that inner self, not many people if any really know what is truely going on inside. We can make guesses, we can think through actions of a person, but unless they open up and you actually listen, well then we don't know. And even if you think this is the relationship you have with your spouse or boyfriend, I am sure you still don't know everything going on inside. Only God knows. In some ways, I wonder if we open this up to God, we can then open up these parts of us to at least one person that is the dearest to us. Because we need to be accountable to someone. To truely be accountable to someone. I can see the beauty in reconciliation in this manner. It's a check to see what is really going on inside, not just that you did something wrong, but why you did it, and how you can go to improve in it to grow deeper in God. To feel less isolated, to feel more loved.

This former student that died, he had a wife and a child, a beautiful boy, who will probably never understand why Daddy isn't there anymore. At least not till he's older. It breaks my heart. I never want that for anyone. Everyone deserves to have a father. And the woman who lost her husband, wow. She definitely seems to be strong, and Thanks so much to Daddy God for that. Her strength will make this loss into something that God can use her life for something greater than she can imagine. And that is the one beauty of these unfourtunate trajedies. That God has something greater in mind for us even though we have absolutely no idea how something good could come from such loss. Let us simply not be apathetic to it all. Let us remember to pray for the soul lost in his sanctification process through pergatory, and for those that loved him dearly. So simply pray. Praying is what unites us all.

What would it be Like?

What would our country or world be like if we didn't have contraception. Due to environmental reasons of killing fish and making the cancer epidemic triple. We got rid of contraception. Abortion was banned due to the mental health impacts and the fact that the logic used to decide the cases for it was absurd. So what would we have, would we have a billion unwanted babies, I think not. Maybe a few, but think about this as not being the transition period of getting rid of contraception and abortion but as these two bans had been well established. What would our relationships be like. Would we be a dying race because of the preconception of the crisis of being pregnant was something that isn't accepted. I wonder. My fancy would be that people would all be NFP users, though I know this wouldn't ever happen. Because it definitely takes a committed relationship for this to work, (marriage hint hint). But wouldn't it be funny that to imagine in this alternate society girls all being aware of what their bodies are doing and when and when not they will get pregnant. Would they be like "Oh I'm in phase two check back with me next week." to guys trying to sleep with them. Or would these women understand who they really are, not in a spiritual sense, but it the complex biological creature that every woman is and stay away from these types of guys who just want a good feeling from them. For a woman to understand her body is such a great thing when it comes to health. Its amazing to me every time I chart my cycle what changes it, be it be a medication or stress or even different sleep habits with light exposure. I am constantly fascinated that I was made this way, my husband marvels at the beauty and complexity of me. But would all woman have this? In a contraceptive free world, I think there would still be some lacks of respect from some men, but ultimately I think all females would gain a greater respect for themselves and thus avoid most situations were lack of respect for themselves is the reason why they are there.

conversion story retold with more wisdom

Its a wonder how grown up I think I am sometimes. That I always know what is best for everyone else, but when it comes to myself I screw it up like a child. And granted there is always positive things out of child-like faith. But acting like a child when it comes to how I deal with others is not as positive. Today, I listened to a conversion story. This story was one from Mac and Katherine Barron about how they themselves as protestants became Catholic. They themselves had similar upbringing as myself, meaning regular church attendance, youth groups, summer camps, mission trips etc. They gave their conversion stories to Christianity in general first, and while they both had more open relationships about faith with their family, again it seemed similar to mine. I had my conversion at a church camp that one of my friends had invited me too. Listening to this story, I really began to identify with Katherine. The one thing was that her parents were still nicer than mine to me about this. But as I look at what steps I took versus, the steps that they took together, there were different circumstances, and I don't think at times the wisest steps were taken for family unity to still be there.

I know I'm supposed to have a theme here and not just post songs in my mind, but this one fits.

"The First of the Century" by Straylight Run



granted the video has its own artist views. But they do have a point.

"You know, you can be
The first of, this century.
To bleed through, to find truth.
To know what, you should do.
You know, it could be, anything.

Sometimes (sometimes)
You might find (you might find)
A crack or (a crack or)
A fault line (a fault line)
But dressed down (but dressed down)
Or made up (or made up)
You'll find (you'll find)
A real love (a real love)
A place to, come home to, at night.

So what did we pay for?
And why did we care?
What were we after?
And why was it there?

Desire gave way to a false sense of hope,
And we fell for the lie that it's what we all chose.
And I yelled to my friends, "you'll all be okay!"
But they didn't believe me, they still don't today.
They never do anything they haven't before.
In the same solemn room with no lock on the door.

And over and over and over again,
The same failed solutions to all the same problems.
Scream, why! why!
I can't understand
Why the things that I do never go as I planned.
And the vultures begin
Their slow circling.
The dogs lick their teeth,
Bright, white, and gleaming.

But just hold your sun
We've barely begun.
To fight until now.

So, let's see what you've got.
This wide open shot.
Take it or leave it.
'Cause
We're getting out.
We're getting out, oh.

And you'll never find us again
No, never find us again."

Maybe I am am a crazy Pro-lifer

So, today I have been fascinated reading all the threads from the feministe blog that dawn eden mentioned in her blog as they were totally bashing her. I personally think Dawn Eden is great. I agree with her. The one thing that I noticed about the comments made by the people is how they don't know how to argue, they are so defensive in their arguement, that all they do is poke fun or reprimand those that are different than them. It is actually funny how wrong they are about the other side. They are very good at using extreme cases that prove their points while forgetting the majority that contradict them. There was one thing that I did agree with, many of those who say they are pro-life use contraception. Most of those who use contraception, however, are not aware of the effects of using it. They simply think of it as a way of planning out their families as society says too. Well to counteract this I want to explain Natural Family Planning. No one who commented on the feministe threads had any clue about it except that it was one way to get around using contraception. So what is Natural Family Planning or NFP?

NFP is a way of naturally using the woman's cycle to either achieve or postpone a pregnancy without contraception. There are times when a couple can have sex and there are times when they abstain if they are not wanting to get pregnant, if they want to get pregnant these times they abstain become the times that they partake in because they want to concieve a child. They know when and when not these times are by a few checks done every day. To understand this however, one needs to know about a woman's cycle.
The first part of a woman's cycle is called Phase 1, it has a more scientific name that i forget at the moment, but its when a woman has her period until the first day that she starts producing vaginal mucus. During this time there is little to no chance of getting pregnant if a woman was to have sex. The little chance comes from the end of the phase 1 where someone might misjudge whether or not mucus has started. It is why it is recommended that if a couple is first starting this they abstain for the first 3 months until a woman has a grasp on her cycle. It is important to take a woman's temperature every morning at approximately the same time to watch for temperature jumps and also to check for the start of vaginal mucus as the start of phase 2.
The second part of a woman's cycle is the fertile part of her cycle, phase 2. You need again to take the temperature everyday around the same time to see shifts in the woman's basal temperature. In this part of a cycle a woman produces a range of vaginal mucus, Though this may take a cycle or two to learn what the mucus does. You will at least know you have mucus, be it tacky or stretchy. The tacky mucus usually comes at the beginning and end of the phase while the stretchy more clear stuff comes usually for about 6-7 days in the middle of phase 2. If you are wanting to concieve the ultimate time to have sex is during this time, as this is the time a woman is ovulating.
About 2 days after a woman ovulates her temperature spikes up about 4 tenths of a degree and she is now into the luteal phase or phase three, the last phase of a woman's cycle. This phase is where a woman has no chance of pregnancy unless by divine intervention, or carelessness of phase boundaries. The first three days may have some tacky mucus present, but on the evening of the third day as long as the mucus has dried up and is no longer present, then the couple can have sex and have no chance of getting pregnant. This phase can be 9 to about 16 days long in woman. However, this phase usually is consist in a woman within 1-2 days, so if you find your luteal phase to be 12 days, it will always be around 12 days give or take a day. During this phase a woman's temperature stays high as she is producing progesterone. It may drop in the last day or so of the phase when the progesterone lowers for the period to start again.

So this is NFP in a nutshell, I have a few more things I need to do tonight, so I am going to leave it at that. I'll clean up any lose ends next time I post and explain why its so great to use this method. (Why even a man enjoys it let alone us girls who get respect from it.) Until then...

http://www.choiceusa.org/index.php

interesting presentation of a pro-choice organization. more later.

Destruction of my Alma Mater Union University

Destruction of my undergrad. Please Pray.

Experiences from the March

Here are a few videos from our experiences at the March. It was a great time. I hope you enjoy the video. Sorry for the slight shakiness of them. Also sorry for the delay on getting it up here, I have been under the weather most of the time since getting back from DC. Though, I am finally on the road to recovery, at least I think so.

Interesting Misuse of Privacy in Court Cases and the Degradation of the state of Marriage

I have been told by those that I love that I am someone that is such a radical that they cannot believe that I am who I am. They believe that I am an idiot for what I believe and that I need to learn ethics, and at this general ethics because Christian ethics has led me to be this idiot. Well I decided to read an ethics book. It is by J. Budziszewski entitled "True Tolerance: Liberalism and the Necessity of Judgement." Well from reading about a 1/3 of it so far everything I have read in it is brilliant. This guy is completely ethical, and did not alienate me or change my point of view. He actually made me feel like I had something to fight for, in that my rebellion against what society tells me is right, is what I should be doing. In Budziszewski's words true tolerance is a formula where "an evil must be tolerated in just those cases where its suppression would involve equal or greater hinderance to goods of the same order, or any hinderance at all to goods of higher order." To be truely tolerant is to walk a fine line of when to know to stand up for something that will help towards a greater good, and when to sit back because it will do more evil to stand up then to let it go. It doesn't mean not having an opinion or thinking everything has the same value, to be a neutralist. It means standing up for what you believe in when the timing is right, when you are going to work towards a greater good by doing so. I hope that with God, this is what my life will contain, these chances to make a difference towards the greater good. I think that by living the lifestyle that Keith and I have chosen being open to life and defending life through NFP in former and being pro-life activists in the latter, I think we are leaning towards true tolerism as long as we do not abuse others in doing so.

For a long time I have been trying to understand why society and those around me have certain views on what a women should be allowed to do with her baby and what a married couple should be allowed to do in their own lives. And in this book I came upon a section that what entitled "Abuse of the Concept of Privacy" Budziszewski explains how the martial and family norms have been so degraded by "eccentric Judicial interpretations of privacy." He explains that there is two types of privacy the first being the innocent form concerning what people should know about one's affairs and what one does with one's "things". This type of privacy fosters the intimacy of relationships in a good way. However, the second type of privacy is not innocent, Budziszewski describes it as "concerns not what others may know about my affairs or do with my things, but what I myself may do and whether others may discourage me in any way from doing it. Probably because jurists fail to distinguish false privacy itself from true, false privacy is often defended in the name of the same goods which true privacy nutures." (p.50 TT) This type of privacy slowly poisions marriage and what is good about it. The following four cases have been ruled in favor of false privacy.
1) Griswold v. Connecticut (1965), by use of false privacy somehow made it seem criminal for married people to not be able to use contraception.
2)Eisenstadt v. Baird (1972) used false privacy to be able to then distribute contraception to unmarried folk as so they could procreate as they liked.
3)Roe v. Wade (1973) used false privacy to allow a woman to kill her unborn child during all nine months of pregnancy, and a sister court cause allowed it for almost any reason.
4)Atkisson v. Kern (1976) used false privacy to allow unwed people to cohabitate in a manner that they had to be together for their children that they had been allowed to have as a result of case 2, and at the cost of our goverment dollars funding it.

It's a wonder to me that in fourty years we have come to think that all of this is so accepted in society. No one would think twice about telling someone that they can't use contraception. No one would think twice about unmarried people living together, especially not in gov't subsidized housing where it happens all the time. And the right to have an abortion and/or to use the morning after pill is what women want, right? Why? Why? Why? I must ask. Why have we let society degrade in this manner, what is the cause of it? Well, to try to understand why, I looked at the characteristics of the generations that made these decisions, and were a product of these generations. Well there were 2 crucial generations that were involved in the development of these defining political moments. The main contributor being the baby boomer generation, this generation was one that was politically active in its protests and its human rights movements. While they did some good with civil rights and rights of the handicapped, they set us back a ton when it came to what they thought was sexual revolution and women's liberation. The following generation, known today as Generation Jones, also had an impact in this, all I could find about this generation was that it was cynical and had a major distrust for governmental authority. They felt like they were lost in a way I think they were, as the generation before them made major decisions that would cause their children to feel even more alienated. Next, is the product of the sexual revolution and women's lib, generation X. This generation is known for its lack of traditional values and its general cynicism. Working amongst this generation, I find this very true. Probably why my generation, is the opposite of these people, we again are like the revolutionists of the baby boomer generation, except, imagine this, we are fighting for morality and ethics. Granted not all of us are in this boat, many of us are so disoriented from past generations propaganda that we are stuck in a rut that hopefully we will remove ourselves from one day. But even though we are stuck in these ruts, we want to help others and make a difference. The only dilemma is now how should our generation do it. I think that I am starting to see a way for myself. Thank God for that.