Something about his temperament and my temperament just kind of butt heads a lot. I think I have especially learned a lot about myself from parenting him. I always think that being his mama will either be my downfall or make me into a saint. Hopefully it will be the latter.
Today, for a second I let myself wish that he would for once just say okay mama, instead of questioning my every decision and move. I thought wow, wouldn't that be nice. But then I realized that he wouldn't be who he is supposed to be and I wouldn't be learning and growing on this life journey.
Honestly, I do sometimes become short with him and I feel crushed that I do this automatically. I don't ever want to break his spirit or will, even if it is the hardest thing to die to myself when I falsely try to control these little people that God has entrusted to me. I mean to give an example, Benjamin finds no folly in being behind the counter making himself at home at the local corner farmer's market (don't worry the owners love him.) I don't think I could have ever been that child myself, but he is. And, yes he needs boundaries, I know this, but honestly figuring out those boundaries I think are definitely one of the harder things with him. However, to wish him to be different I cannot, as hard as he is. He is what God gave me and I love him.