A reminder that he is with me

Perhaps I shouldn't be scrolling.  But in the scrolling there was a little bit of joy.  The joy of knowing that Jesus is with me everywhere.  You see the one day that baby Jesus from our nativity sets was to be blessed,  I forgot him.  I brought him to be blessed the next day,  and Father kindly blessed them for me.  But perhaps it was a bit of the foreshadowing for me. As yesterday,  yes,  it was Christmas,  but for some reason I again forgot to display baby Jesus in the nativity. I'm calling it my midnight mass hangover,  where some of the littles just weren't at rest with going this time and it just felt like a bit of a fog. 
But today,  the 26th, I remembered to look down and in looking down I saw my necklace, always with me,  with a Jesus fish staring back at me,  and with the words written in social media,  it made me smile,  as a forever promise should,  that Jesus is always with me.  Even if I tend to be a day late in my true acknowledgment.

Warm hugs

We were delivering Christmas cards to our neighbors and it happened to have snowed, so we took out the sleds. Stellamaris was delightfully being pulled on the sled, the baby sled that she barely fits into at two years and nine months, nonetheless we made it work and she loved going around as so. The snow was a delightful surprise two inches that somehow motivated us to brave what was with the windchill, less than twenty degree weather.

One friend's home had a blowup Olaf, at what would be an approachable size. It wasn't a giant, intimidating Olaf, but what would be what I think if Olaf could possibly be a real thing, what size he would actually be. The children had recently been treated to watching Frozen 2 with their grandparents, so they have been delighted with all things Frozen.

When we had pulled up to the house and delivered the letter, Helena, who was also with us, declared that she would like to give Olaf a hug. I said, sure, I think that would be okay. I didn't expect her to destroy Olaf, but reminded her to be gentle nonetheless. Then, Stella decided she had to give Olaf a hug too. So I unbuckled her from her little sled, the buckle a key component to her feeling safe in a sled, a bigger one she won't do because there is no buckle.  And she walked her little feet over to Olaf and gave him a hug. With the biggest smile, she walked back to me and got back in the sled, and we went on our way. This was my delightful bit of joy for the day.

The start of little bits of joy

I am in the midst of something that I would love to write about but can't online. It's kept me thinking that I shouldn't write at all on here. So I don't. But I think that keeps me in the darkness, and I need the light. So I had a long talk with a friend last night and she said that I should find little bits of joy each day. As yesterday was wonderful waking up to a fresh few inches of snow and just being surprised by it all, I was actually motivated to do things. I had prayed for motivation two nights ago and was given the grace of actually having it that day. But now for a bit of joy.

Ben had his first recital for his clarinet. He has only played it for about 3 months and so its still very new. However, he hemmed and hawed about performing and last minute decided that he would do so after his lesson the week prior. We showed up and there were only about 8 kids performing that day. A lot of them came later due to circumstances, so Ben became the third student to perform. He was very Ben in many ways, playing with the microphone, exploring the stage, putting together his instrument on stage when it was supposed to already be put together. But then he looked all around. He wouldn't start. I was trying to hang out in the back because Stella was being quite loud and angry as it was hangry tired toddler time. But I came into his sight and he sighed and said, "There she is." and then he started. It was a bit of a teary moment for me, to understand love in that way. Sometimes at almost 10 he is very tween like and wanting his independence, but in other things he still sees me as a comfort and this was one. Perhaps in his mind he just wanted to be able to play for me and for me not to miss it, but the whole sigh, that was my heart growth moment, and my little bit of joy.

To the forest musings

Today was another day in the forest. I usually hate fall, the darkness, the cooler weather. Somehow, being outside in it, appreciating it for what it is, helps me to enjoy it more. And not all the societal must haves like pumpkin spice everything, and farm parks. I do enjoy a good corn maze however. Perhaps, for me just being outside and noticing things outside my normal realm of thought, things that go on whether I am looking or not, things of beauty to marvel at, those have a quality to calm me and make me realize its going to be okay.

Today in the forest, I was fixated on making a leaf mosaic, I encouraged the children to pick their favorites to put in and we made it together. Somehow, making that art was satisfying. Perhaps, I am a maker at heart. Somehow if there is order and balance, I can be at peace. I think today that I needed that peace.

The children surprised me in their own way in their making, not in the way I wanted to be, but instead of their own imagination. There were leaf beds and rock drums and log hotels and it was marvelous to see the creativity that went into their play scheme. As it is through play that they learn and it is so neat to see them carry it all out.

I realize at times, that volunteering in the position of director for our Cleveland chapter is a bit daunting at times, but I do think it is more rewarding than not and therefore able to be continued. Perhaps there will be a point when it is not so, but for now I like it. Connecting people in nature and witnessing children engineering their orchestrations and multi-age play and generations coming together, its worth it.

Pumpkin

A poem for the Kit Lit Contest happening on Math Is Everywhere. 



Pumpkin

by Kiera Kurak


Pumpkin Seed

Pumpkin Grown

Pumpkin Picked

Pumpkin Painted

Pumpkin Carved

Pumpkin Lantern

Pumpkin Pie

Yum!


Image #7 from contest

a local conference

Reading the daily readings today, it reminded me that sometimes we need to be renewed and refreshed in the good that is God so we can keep on keeping on in the beautiful mess that is our world. Prior to this, I was honestly weary of another conference when the Cleveland Catholic's Women Conference first came about. The over stimulated with people bit in me just thought, ugh, another thing where people will get half-assed speaches about being faithful and crap and then just go back to daily routine.

Today, though for some reason it hit me differently, that at times we need these bits of renewals these refreshing bits of what we know to be true but has gotten lost in the gun shootings and broken glasses and poop accidents. So I'm coming around to I think its good.That maybe I need this and perhaps you do too. Its hard to keep going a million miles an hour and not have time to stop and say thank-you and realize you are just one part of many that you aren't isolated in your struggle, we all have it, and we all can find solace in the goodness of God. And this gives a place to do that.

So I am buying a ticket to go. How I will get there, I am not sure, maybe I will catch a ride, maybe I will take a bus, or bike my way over. Whatever it be, I'll be going. Maybe you should too.

https://www.clecatholicwomen.org/events/cleveland-catholic-womens-conference-2019

A do over

I feel like perhaps the full moon got the best of us today. We struggled today. It started out fine, but I think something went amiss at forest school. During introductions, two of my children ran away and then at the tail end of it, one of my kids pushed another off of a bike rack hurting him in the process. Then somehow it seemed that the big kids had it in their mind that they were going up the path that has a giant set of stairs, but they didn’t have that direction to be able to do that. And since we had a lot of new attendees, my kids were basically the only people leading the group. It was a bit chaotic. I went the lower path way with the others who had not gone up and helped them along. My littlest was being her normal adventurous 2yo self, so we wandered our way over to basecamp. In the last bit Helena saw me and started crying right away, because she was with people she didn’t know and she needed a familiar face. And things were okay for a while, but then my boys were fighting with each other and then my oldest at one point hit someone and it was just all downhill from there. On the way back I lost a kid and just felt terrible about how little control I had. I think ultimately it was just the feeling that as much as we were used to having friends surrounding us, there were a lot of new faces today, and while its great to get people out, we missed the sense of a tribe today because its vacation season and so regulars aren’t coming so much.

And then at home it was just. more screaming and crying and I am thankful that at the end of the day my husband went to the corner chocolate shop and got a frozen mouse pop. It just helped.

So tomorrow is another day, and I am so glad of that.