what do you think?
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Monday, December 14, 2009
a few adventish reflections and other random tidbits
For some reason having bullet points makes my posts seem better to me, and numbers seem to work the best cause of the order to them. So I will use my numbered bullet points to try to extract some thoughts out of my head.
1. I am kinda missing my super curly hair. The hormones from pregnancy have half-straightened my hair to have waves in it but no longer any ringlets which I was becoming very fond of that finally in my adult life. Some women have told me that the curl will return while others have said that for them it stayed straighter after pregnancy. I guess I would like the curls to return, but if God means me to have wavy hair instead, then I will have to go with it. Overall, its not a huge complaint, just an adjustment to get used to that I am still in transition about.
2. One of my favorite blogger's Arwen Mosher wrote a piece on Faith and Family Live about feeling disorganized this advent due to moving her parents from their old house to a new one because the state was acquiring their property for some community project or something like that. There is definitely the parallel that they are doing actual preparations in a home, totally redoing it from head to toe, and for me this is similar. My last 1.5 months have been spent dewallpapering, painting, and now onto getting new flooring/refinishing wood flooring. It seems a bit daunting at times, but at the same time Mary and Joseph were probably like woah we have to do this and this for the King, and we also have to raise the Son of God. And their preparations didn't probably leave them in a nice perfect comfy place, but they had to be ready to go, cause Jesus would have been killed if they had stayed. So they had this discomfort, and at times right now being 6+ months pregnant and fixing up a house leaves one a bit uncomfortable.
3. And besides making actual house preparations instead of just decorating and getting a tree and writing cards etc., I am on the other end of giving and receiving link. Usually I have the capability to do a million things for others and to really give of myself. But right now, I am limited in what I can do, and even though I do much more than probably the average 1st time pregnant woman, I actually need a lot of help. Tiredness comes quickly, frustration even quicker. And if days are anything like they were yesterday, where I totally wanted to cry over breaking a paint tray in half and feeling exhausted after just doing two walls in a room, I realize that I am thankful for those around me who have been helpful. Even the smallest gestures are appreciated, and the big ones so much so. It's really a lesson in humility for me because I am not the one to ask for help unless I need it, and so many times these days I have had to ask for help. And sometimes I get to identify with the folks who ask for help and get none because there is too much business in their lives or are sick etc. It makes me empathize a bit with God who asks us to do simple tasks but we say no with every excuse in the book. I don't mean to chastise other folks for having lives or circumstances that prevent them from lending a hand, but to myself to think twice about saying no to someone who really could use that helping hand.
4. And lastly, my favorite non-Christ-mas, non-advent song is definitely Aberlin's version of Christmas, Baby Please Come Home. I just think Stephen Christian has the perfect voice for this song, and it always gets me bopping to the tune every time I hear it. My old classic favorite is John Lennon's Happy Christmas, but I would say this is a little more Christ-mas like so it doesn't fully qualify.
1. I am kinda missing my super curly hair. The hormones from pregnancy have half-straightened my hair to have waves in it but no longer any ringlets which I was becoming very fond of that finally in my adult life. Some women have told me that the curl will return while others have said that for them it stayed straighter after pregnancy. I guess I would like the curls to return, but if God means me to have wavy hair instead, then I will have to go with it. Overall, its not a huge complaint, just an adjustment to get used to that I am still in transition about.
2. One of my favorite blogger's Arwen Mosher wrote a piece on Faith and Family Live about feeling disorganized this advent due to moving her parents from their old house to a new one because the state was acquiring their property for some community project or something like that. There is definitely the parallel that they are doing actual preparations in a home, totally redoing it from head to toe, and for me this is similar. My last 1.5 months have been spent dewallpapering, painting, and now onto getting new flooring/refinishing wood flooring. It seems a bit daunting at times, but at the same time Mary and Joseph were probably like woah we have to do this and this for the King, and we also have to raise the Son of God. And their preparations didn't probably leave them in a nice perfect comfy place, but they had to be ready to go, cause Jesus would have been killed if they had stayed. So they had this discomfort, and at times right now being 6+ months pregnant and fixing up a house leaves one a bit uncomfortable.
3. And besides making actual house preparations instead of just decorating and getting a tree and writing cards etc., I am on the other end of giving and receiving link. Usually I have the capability to do a million things for others and to really give of myself. But right now, I am limited in what I can do, and even though I do much more than probably the average 1st time pregnant woman, I actually need a lot of help. Tiredness comes quickly, frustration even quicker. And if days are anything like they were yesterday, where I totally wanted to cry over breaking a paint tray in half and feeling exhausted after just doing two walls in a room, I realize that I am thankful for those around me who have been helpful. Even the smallest gestures are appreciated, and the big ones so much so. It's really a lesson in humility for me because I am not the one to ask for help unless I need it, and so many times these days I have had to ask for help. And sometimes I get to identify with the folks who ask for help and get none because there is too much business in their lives or are sick etc. It makes me empathize a bit with God who asks us to do simple tasks but we say no with every excuse in the book. I don't mean to chastise other folks for having lives or circumstances that prevent them from lending a hand, but to myself to think twice about saying no to someone who really could use that helping hand.
4. And lastly, my favorite non-Christ-mas, non-advent song is definitely Aberlin's version of Christmas, Baby Please Come Home. I just think Stephen Christian has the perfect voice for this song, and it always gets me bopping to the tune every time I hear it. My old classic favorite is John Lennon's Happy Christmas, but I would say this is a little more Christ-mas like so it doesn't fully qualify.
Friday, December 4, 2009
7 quick takes
1. I have decided that the reason my husband takes so long to get over a cold is that he doesn't seem to sleep. Last night he programmed till 4am and then went to work this morning at 8:40am. It may be just me, but I don't think that 4 hours of sleep is a sufficient amount to regain health from.
2. I am really wanting it to snow. I love, love, love snow. And since it is finally cold (The highest temp of the next 10 days is 40F.), it is now time to bring on the snow. It makes the cold worth it.
3. Speaking of cold. I am so much more comfortable outside in the cold this year than last, one odd benefit of being pregnant I guess.
4. I am ready for my house to at least have another level to live in. Right now, all we have is the basemen, the kitchen and the 1.5 bathrooms. It is at least much closer than earlier in November.
5. I am now at 27 weeks. It seems that in 13 weeks a lot of stuff has to get done, and I actually hope that most of it gets done in the next month, just so that I can relax a bit more. That and I am a bit tired of people telling me I look like I am ready to deliver any minute. I have decided that since I am a non-hippy girl that the baby has to grow somewhere and thus it grows out. Here is a pic, you can decide what you think.
6. We have a television now, its kinda strange to have one. I declared yesterday that we would never have cable TV, and my husband agreed to this. Instead we will just have our 10$ a month Netflix which allows us to screen content of what is put on the TV and also to not watch crappy commercials. We do have an adapter for the local TV, but usually that is only watched for about 2 hours a week.
7. I have a washer! This is part of my Christmas present from my husband. He needs yet to balance it since it is a side loader that we got for a sweet deal at Best Buy, but I am excited that there is one in my home again. I am running out of clothes at the moment since I have a limited amount of maternity clothes that I seem to just be recycling these days at least twice before washing. Sorry if that grosses anyone out.
2. I am really wanting it to snow. I love, love, love snow. And since it is finally cold (The highest temp of the next 10 days is 40F.), it is now time to bring on the snow. It makes the cold worth it.
3. Speaking of cold. I am so much more comfortable outside in the cold this year than last, one odd benefit of being pregnant I guess.
4. I am ready for my house to at least have another level to live in. Right now, all we have is the basemen, the kitchen and the 1.5 bathrooms. It is at least much closer than earlier in November.
5. I am now at 27 weeks. It seems that in 13 weeks a lot of stuff has to get done, and I actually hope that most of it gets done in the next month, just so that I can relax a bit more. That and I am a bit tired of people telling me I look like I am ready to deliver any minute. I have decided that since I am a non-hippy girl that the baby has to grow somewhere and thus it grows out. Here is a pic, you can decide what you think.
6. We have a television now, its kinda strange to have one. I declared yesterday that we would never have cable TV, and my husband agreed to this. Instead we will just have our 10$ a month Netflix which allows us to screen content of what is put on the TV and also to not watch crappy commercials. We do have an adapter for the local TV, but usually that is only watched for about 2 hours a week.
7. I have a washer! This is part of my Christmas present from my husband. He needs yet to balance it since it is a side loader that we got for a sweet deal at Best Buy, but I am excited that there is one in my home again. I am running out of clothes at the moment since I have a limited amount of maternity clothes that I seem to just be recycling these days at least twice before washing. Sorry if that grosses anyone out.
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Pre-advent advent....What do you think?
So I know a lot of people at least say that they get annoyed with Christmas stuff going up in October alongside Halloween stuff. But are they really annoyed? Or does the culture of the times get to them and they decide oh maybe I should get this now so I can be more prepared for the season. But why do we do this? I kind of feel that the economy partially drives the way we celebrate our religious holidays and not in a good way. But what is behind all this madness? Is it the sense that we need to make an extra buck? Does that person really another candy cane or body lotion? Does our bathroom door need that red bow on it? Why are we like this?
Maybe I am a little too extremist when I don't want to say that things prior to Christmas are Christmas parties, but insist that they are Advent parties. Because truthfully Christmas doesn't start till the 25th. I actually enjoy doing last minute shopping for things, and not putting my Christmas tree up till the 24th if possible. Unfortunately the commercial aspect of Christmas sometimes doesn't allow me to wait till the 24th to get a tree, and thus I am forced to get it a few days before so that they don't decide to get rid of all their trees. But then I decorate it as late as possible, so that I can really enjoy Christmas as Christmas, instead of advent as Christmas. It's slightly ironic, we do all this partying and decorating for ourselves when Jesus hasn't arrived yet, but then once he does, a day later we as a culture strip everything bare. Maybe this is reflective of what we think of our Savior. I would hope not, but sometimes I am not so optimistic about us as Americans.
Mostly for myself, I think besides the influence of commercialism, I think its a lack of knowledge about Christmas. You think we would get Christmas because it comes every year, and we do so much prep for it, its a bit crazy. But do we really get it? We get the giving thing and the being kind thing and the helping out thing. But really if Christmas is over on the 25th as for most it is in our society, doesn't it become disappointing once the presents are unwrapped and the ham or turkey eaten? What's left? I remember as a kid always hating Christmas day, I for one acted terrible when it came to gifts, but the highlight was always going to Christmas Eve service together and singing Silent Night. And since I knew nothing about an ongoing celebration, I was saddened when the presents were done, because everyone went about their own way afterward. I wish I had known that Christmas extended itself to a season that only begins on the 25th. That I should be excited for at least 12 days. But in our culture no one really knows that there is a time-line, that the gifts didn't come till Epiphany. Is this really important, maybe not to some people. But now that I know I thoroughly enjoy celebrating in a way that Jesus' presence really is celebrated. And to just do stuff prior to Christmas that focuses on us, and maybe a few others, instead of Jesus, instead of really trying to prepare ourselves for his coming doesn't make much sense. So where does the lack of knowledge come from.
I think it comes from the wanting to make things simple view on Christianity. Since, I am a former protestant, I blame my former self and lack of knowledge I had of the correct celebration and since our country has such a Protestant tone to it, this makes total sense. At least half of Protestants do not celebrate advent, and most do not celebrate Christmas past the 25th. Come the Sunday after the 25th of December, no carols are sung, little decoration is left and its all back to what we would call ordinary time in the Catholic church. Oh, Martin Luther, if only knew what the effects of what you were doing in your insanity would be. But if it wasn't Mr. Luther, then it would have been someone else, Henry VIII for example, who decided that their personal beliefs were stronger than that of the church that Jesus left us.
So maybe I care too much. But I like celebrating Advent as advent, as a time to prepare oneself for Jesus, and I like celebrating Christmas as if Jesus really is here and is worth more than just one day of celebration but at least 12. The only decoration I plan to pull out in the next week or actually make, since I usually make it, is an advent calendar. If we acquire a wreath I will put that out too, but right now we don't have one.
What do you think about the way Christmas is celebrated in America?
Maybe I am a little too extremist when I don't want to say that things prior to Christmas are Christmas parties, but insist that they are Advent parties. Because truthfully Christmas doesn't start till the 25th. I actually enjoy doing last minute shopping for things, and not putting my Christmas tree up till the 24th if possible. Unfortunately the commercial aspect of Christmas sometimes doesn't allow me to wait till the 24th to get a tree, and thus I am forced to get it a few days before so that they don't decide to get rid of all their trees. But then I decorate it as late as possible, so that I can really enjoy Christmas as Christmas, instead of advent as Christmas. It's slightly ironic, we do all this partying and decorating for ourselves when Jesus hasn't arrived yet, but then once he does, a day later we as a culture strip everything bare. Maybe this is reflective of what we think of our Savior. I would hope not, but sometimes I am not so optimistic about us as Americans.
Mostly for myself, I think besides the influence of commercialism, I think its a lack of knowledge about Christmas. You think we would get Christmas because it comes every year, and we do so much prep for it, its a bit crazy. But do we really get it? We get the giving thing and the being kind thing and the helping out thing. But really if Christmas is over on the 25th as for most it is in our society, doesn't it become disappointing once the presents are unwrapped and the ham or turkey eaten? What's left? I remember as a kid always hating Christmas day, I for one acted terrible when it came to gifts, but the highlight was always going to Christmas Eve service together and singing Silent Night. And since I knew nothing about an ongoing celebration, I was saddened when the presents were done, because everyone went about their own way afterward. I wish I had known that Christmas extended itself to a season that only begins on the 25th. That I should be excited for at least 12 days. But in our culture no one really knows that there is a time-line, that the gifts didn't come till Epiphany. Is this really important, maybe not to some people. But now that I know I thoroughly enjoy celebrating in a way that Jesus' presence really is celebrated. And to just do stuff prior to Christmas that focuses on us, and maybe a few others, instead of Jesus, instead of really trying to prepare ourselves for his coming doesn't make much sense. So where does the lack of knowledge come from.
I think it comes from the wanting to make things simple view on Christianity. Since, I am a former protestant, I blame my former self and lack of knowledge I had of the correct celebration and since our country has such a Protestant tone to it, this makes total sense. At least half of Protestants do not celebrate advent, and most do not celebrate Christmas past the 25th. Come the Sunday after the 25th of December, no carols are sung, little decoration is left and its all back to what we would call ordinary time in the Catholic church. Oh, Martin Luther, if only knew what the effects of what you were doing in your insanity would be. But if it wasn't Mr. Luther, then it would have been someone else, Henry VIII for example, who decided that their personal beliefs were stronger than that of the church that Jesus left us.
So maybe I care too much. But I like celebrating Advent as advent, as a time to prepare oneself for Jesus, and I like celebrating Christmas as if Jesus really is here and is worth more than just one day of celebration but at least 12. The only decoration I plan to pull out in the next week or actually make, since I usually make it, is an advent calendar. If we acquire a wreath I will put that out too, but right now we don't have one.
What do you think about the way Christmas is celebrated in America?
Friday, November 13, 2009
7 quick takes before I go insane
The insanity part is due to my work situation, but I am going to try to make the best of it. Pray that it gets better and that my advisor is less condescending in his accusations towards me.
1. We moved into the basement of our house. Right now we have a working kitchen, 1.5 baths and a basement to live in. All which are on separate levels, thus it is like living in a very skinny house with everything stacked on top of each other. I feel like I should be in London or New York with the narrowness of my current living space.
2. We have been dewallpapering for the past week, and its a tiring job. I am so thankful for my friend Megan for all her wonderous help. I need to start making her more food to return the favor. Also, this dewallpapering has made my dislike for wallpaper become immensely larger, and my liking of paint become immensely larger as well. Now I just have to pick good colors. I'm a fan of warm colors. What are your favorites?
3. I am enjoying the shorter commute, in 15-20 minutes, if I time it right, I can be at school. It used to be over an hour to get there. Some folks would say I am a crazy kid for the way that I use the public transit stop that is not so good, but I figure if there are more normalish people like me and less shady people going thru there then it will become a less shady area.
4. We had a retreat this past weekend with the Lifeteen teenagers, and it was a lovely one. The best retreat group I have had by far. Everyone wanted to be there and everyone contributed, no one was a grump at all. And as usual I got to laugh a ton at my husband's silly antics. And also be asked a million times if I laughed as much as he did. My response was that usually I have to ask him why he is laughing because it mostly involves some crazy news item or blog he read on the internet, and I am out of the loop till then. Or its homestarrunner.com, and in that case it is pretty hilarious, but then its extra hilarious to guys I think. Anyway, I felt like I missed out on parts of it, but really I needed to get the sleep and if I didn't get the sleep I would have not been functioning at all during the weekend or after it.
5. Lately, the laziness of people and the apathy they have are really annoying me. Granted I know people have their own lives, but TV does not take precedence over helping out where needed. At least this is true in my lifestyle, but then again, I live with out a TV, so maybe I am biased.
6. I think this weekend, since we are officially living in the city, we will need to check out the local Catholic churches, and I mean churches as is more than one. Within about 5 miles are like 10 churches to choose from, kinda crazy sometimes to think, since I grew up in an area where there were only 2 within a 25 mile radius.
7. So I know most people would yell at me with this, but I am super excited to paint. I got the non toxin emitting paint, which helps me, the pregnant lady out to paint. I am thankful also for Anne coming to help me out in advance tomorrow morning with the painting job. I am just so giddy to paint, seriously its that much fun to me.
1. We moved into the basement of our house. Right now we have a working kitchen, 1.5 baths and a basement to live in. All which are on separate levels, thus it is like living in a very skinny house with everything stacked on top of each other. I feel like I should be in London or New York with the narrowness of my current living space.
2. We have been dewallpapering for the past week, and its a tiring job. I am so thankful for my friend Megan for all her wonderous help. I need to start making her more food to return the favor. Also, this dewallpapering has made my dislike for wallpaper become immensely larger, and my liking of paint become immensely larger as well. Now I just have to pick good colors. I'm a fan of warm colors. What are your favorites?
3. I am enjoying the shorter commute, in 15-20 minutes, if I time it right, I can be at school. It used to be over an hour to get there. Some folks would say I am a crazy kid for the way that I use the public transit stop that is not so good, but I figure if there are more normalish people like me and less shady people going thru there then it will become a less shady area.
4. We had a retreat this past weekend with the Lifeteen teenagers, and it was a lovely one. The best retreat group I have had by far. Everyone wanted to be there and everyone contributed, no one was a grump at all. And as usual I got to laugh a ton at my husband's silly antics. And also be asked a million times if I laughed as much as he did. My response was that usually I have to ask him why he is laughing because it mostly involves some crazy news item or blog he read on the internet, and I am out of the loop till then. Or its homestarrunner.com, and in that case it is pretty hilarious, but then its extra hilarious to guys I think. Anyway, I felt like I missed out on parts of it, but really I needed to get the sleep and if I didn't get the sleep I would have not been functioning at all during the weekend or after it.
5. Lately, the laziness of people and the apathy they have are really annoying me. Granted I know people have their own lives, but TV does not take precedence over helping out where needed. At least this is true in my lifestyle, but then again, I live with out a TV, so maybe I am biased.
6. I think this weekend, since we are officially living in the city, we will need to check out the local Catholic churches, and I mean churches as is more than one. Within about 5 miles are like 10 churches to choose from, kinda crazy sometimes to think, since I grew up in an area where there were only 2 within a 25 mile radius.
7. So I know most people would yell at me with this, but I am super excited to paint. I got the non toxin emitting paint, which helps me, the pregnant lady out to paint. I am thankful also for Anne coming to help me out in advance tomorrow morning with the painting job. I am just so giddy to paint, seriously its that much fun to me.
Friday, October 30, 2009
two books
I so want this book :
Ugly as Sin - http://www.sophiainstitute.com/productdetails.cfm?sku=449
and this one:
Catholic Church Architecture and the Spirit of the Liturgy - http://www.ltp.org/p-2094-catholic-church-architecture-and-the-spirit-of-the-liturgy.aspx
I love church architecture, but am particularly drawn to the old school style instead of the modern style. Anything built plainly and most things after 1960 kill me.
Ugly as Sin - http://www.sophiainstitute.com/productdetails.cfm?sku=449
and this one:
Catholic Church Architecture and the Spirit of the Liturgy - http://www.ltp.org/p-2094-catholic-church-architecture-and-the-spirit-of-the-liturgy.aspx
I love church architecture, but am particularly drawn to the old school style instead of the modern style. Anything built plainly and most things after 1960 kill me.
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
my view of teen dating
When I think of all the people I know who did date in high school, I can come up with only 2 or 3 couples who ended up with their high school "sweethearts". Most did not. And I remember the days of people pressuring you to have a boyfriend or to ask this guy or girl out. Really I was probably the odd one out, where there were one or 2 guys that I liked while in high school I didn't actually date them. The first and foremost reason being was that I wasn't allowed to date. I particularly remember my dad having to talk to the one guy that took me to a dance that my mom got very upset about it being date-like, and from then on out that boy never asked me out again. In some ways I was angry at my parents for doing that. But really I now can look back and see it was a good thing, because I have changed so much since then. To have gotten myself emotionally invested in a relationship would have probably limited my growing, at least for me. I had a lot to deal with prior to this due to unfortunate circumstances in an incident in my childhood, and really didnt come to grips with them till later. So probably having this rule for me kept me out of deeper trouble that I could have gotten myself into.
Then I went to college, and again some folks around me encouraged me to date. But in my mind now I knew that I wanted to be pursued. And not the other way around. So anything that came about never really materialized much. There was a summer incident in which I was taken advantage of, and really that scarred me for a while, but I got thru it. But really what got me thru it all and helped me to have a healthy view on it all was to see good examples around me. Examples of people dating with marriage in sight. With those committed to doing the best thing for the other person involved and him or herself so that they wouldn't be jaded and confused if it did end. I have to thank those people for helping me to see that there was a way that dating could be done right. I wouldn't have been able to grow into who I needed to be when God put in my path my now husband. Those people that I saw as good examples challenged me and listened to me and helped me to keep my higher standard. So when I met Keith and interacted with him and his friends, I knew what kind of guy I was looking for, one that wasn't gonna let me fall but build me up and make me into the woman that God wants me to be. Entering into a relationship with him it wasn't a casual thing, and he never took advantage of me, but really wanted what was best for me, and for this I thank him. I still thank him periodically for the fact that he was a major part of God's plan for helping me to see that I was ok, and to move forward away from the past destruction.
Maybe when it comes to teen dating I bring all that mess with me. I can't see it as good thing just to date someone without there being a bigger purpose there. I can't see the just wanting to date someone just to date someone to be a good thing. I don't think I would be me if I had this philosophy. I think if one does date you always have to think of what is best for the other person, and the best must be based of of Jesus's standard. If its gonna be something that is detrimental towards them it shouldn't happen in the first place. And it shouldn't be out of balance, as to forget all of your other relationships that you have. Your friends will really miss you if you leave them for a guy or girl, and it won't be the same when you come running back to them after being dumped.
For the few folks that I know that it worked that they actually ended married part way thru college after starting to date in high school, these guys are the anomaly and God definitely was working in them to keep them on the right path against the normal grain of what usually happens in high school and college. And for this I admire them. I do however think that a major factor of their success was the fact that both parties involved had strong relationships with God and probably was the basis for their meeting in the first place.
For the rest of people who aren't an anomalies in this, I really think that group dating and developing good friendships are the way to go. Also to focus on who God wants you to be rather than who society tells you to be is very important. Because if you focus on who God wants you to be, you can see clearer what your future vocation should be, whether it to be married, single or being a priest, nun, or brother somewhere. Forming strong friendships and learning how to interact with the opposite sex without being romantically attached help this out a lot. Because no matter where you are you are going to have to be authentically male or female in your vocation, and live out the relationship that Christ presents in the new testament, to love so much as to die for the other. And this will apply whether it be in marriage to a man or woman or to Christ through the church or as a single missionary in the world.
So to end, if a teenager reads this I say first, don't define yourself by who or if you are dating. And two keep your focus where it is supposed to be on God. If you are dating someone be sure that you treating them with the utmost respect and dignity that every person deserves so that both of you can keep your eyes focused on your savior. If you aren't dating someone, well to me that is awesome, because God is calling you to do something different at this time, whether it be to focus on how to achieve your goals, or to be able to be flexible to help somewhere or to think about where your relationship with God stands and maybe to think about your future vocation. No wallowing is needed when being single because this time is a gift given to you by God to be able to grow and be used for something greater.
I wonder how much of this I can use on Sunday. hmmm.
Then I went to college, and again some folks around me encouraged me to date. But in my mind now I knew that I wanted to be pursued. And not the other way around. So anything that came about never really materialized much. There was a summer incident in which I was taken advantage of, and really that scarred me for a while, but I got thru it. But really what got me thru it all and helped me to have a healthy view on it all was to see good examples around me. Examples of people dating with marriage in sight. With those committed to doing the best thing for the other person involved and him or herself so that they wouldn't be jaded and confused if it did end. I have to thank those people for helping me to see that there was a way that dating could be done right. I wouldn't have been able to grow into who I needed to be when God put in my path my now husband. Those people that I saw as good examples challenged me and listened to me and helped me to keep my higher standard. So when I met Keith and interacted with him and his friends, I knew what kind of guy I was looking for, one that wasn't gonna let me fall but build me up and make me into the woman that God wants me to be. Entering into a relationship with him it wasn't a casual thing, and he never took advantage of me, but really wanted what was best for me, and for this I thank him. I still thank him periodically for the fact that he was a major part of God's plan for helping me to see that I was ok, and to move forward away from the past destruction.
Maybe when it comes to teen dating I bring all that mess with me. I can't see it as good thing just to date someone without there being a bigger purpose there. I can't see the just wanting to date someone just to date someone to be a good thing. I don't think I would be me if I had this philosophy. I think if one does date you always have to think of what is best for the other person, and the best must be based of of Jesus's standard. If its gonna be something that is detrimental towards them it shouldn't happen in the first place. And it shouldn't be out of balance, as to forget all of your other relationships that you have. Your friends will really miss you if you leave them for a guy or girl, and it won't be the same when you come running back to them after being dumped.
For the few folks that I know that it worked that they actually ended married part way thru college after starting to date in high school, these guys are the anomaly and God definitely was working in them to keep them on the right path against the normal grain of what usually happens in high school and college. And for this I admire them. I do however think that a major factor of their success was the fact that both parties involved had strong relationships with God and probably was the basis for their meeting in the first place.
For the rest of people who aren't an anomalies in this, I really think that group dating and developing good friendships are the way to go. Also to focus on who God wants you to be rather than who society tells you to be is very important. Because if you focus on who God wants you to be, you can see clearer what your future vocation should be, whether it to be married, single or being a priest, nun, or brother somewhere. Forming strong friendships and learning how to interact with the opposite sex without being romantically attached help this out a lot. Because no matter where you are you are going to have to be authentically male or female in your vocation, and live out the relationship that Christ presents in the new testament, to love so much as to die for the other. And this will apply whether it be in marriage to a man or woman or to Christ through the church or as a single missionary in the world.
So to end, if a teenager reads this I say first, don't define yourself by who or if you are dating. And two keep your focus where it is supposed to be on God. If you are dating someone be sure that you treating them with the utmost respect and dignity that every person deserves so that both of you can keep your eyes focused on your savior. If you aren't dating someone, well to me that is awesome, because God is calling you to do something different at this time, whether it be to focus on how to achieve your goals, or to be able to be flexible to help somewhere or to think about where your relationship with God stands and maybe to think about your future vocation. No wallowing is needed when being single because this time is a gift given to you by God to be able to grow and be used for something greater.
I wonder how much of this I can use on Sunday. hmmm.
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