Birthing from within take 1

So I'm finally reading the book the midwife gave me, Birthing from Within by Pam England and Rob Horowitz. It's bringing up lots of things and I'm only 80 pages into it. If you are a boy reader and you don't like talking about birth, then skip this post. 

One major thing I like about the book is that it is helping me to see how this whole birth and healing process can really come together. Instead of being passive, I do get to have a role in all this. I mean I'm birthing at home after all. But the thing is even though I've said that since I've made this decision, I couldn't visualize it. I'm finally beginning to put some pieces together. I can actually name some places I would like to birth and others I would hate. For some reason my bed is one of them of the hate places now. Birthing on some kind of bed is usually the way I see birth in a hospital, and for some reason it was so not what my body wanted to do last time nor really for most of my first time. I'm an active birther and beds make me feel passive.

Next, a lot of this pregnancy I've find myself frustrated and stuck. I feel like I'm not able to do what I want to do physically, and it's not cutting it. Granted most times I'm in real pain but I think I can still change some things up and feel better about where I am at. I am going to at least walk every other day and take it from there. Stretching would be good to since this one seems to like to screw with the sciatic nerve.

There are definite fears this time around. Because, well even though this is the third go of it, it's a whole new experience in a new environment. And last time didn't go well. A lot of times I feel like I'm going to do something that isn't going to let a home birth be possible. But the thing is there are things I can do to check that things are going well. I can do the GD test. I can work on anxiety and thus lower BP issues around birthing. I can be honest with people about what we are doing in a positive way with home birth and I can actually have a before hand game plan of what to do with my children.

I feel like this time around a lot of unsettled issues have emerged again and well, I'm finally working on them. I feel like it's maybe because with number 3 my mom card is really gonna show and I don't want to be carrying any baggage with me into it. Also, I was a third baby and I don't want my third baby to have a scared mom but one who trusts in God. But pray for me in this because a lot of hurt and healing need to happen for this to really be full throttle.

So this is not the usual happy pregnancy post you see on the net, because frankly, I'm not there yet. But I needed this all to be out in words and maybe someone will see it's okay to not be as everyone else wants you to be.

What I Wore Sunday, November 17, 2013

Hi again.

I actually did post another time this week, and have been keeping up the blog for the kids.  I removed myself from Facebook because for me people IRL are way better than what they present themselves on FB to be.  At least this is what I've learned in the few months since being off of it. I still do Twitter, because well for some reason it tends to be less of an issue and people are more real and less promoting of the unreal on there.

Anyway, on to the actual basis of this post, another WIWS!  I enjoy these and am glad that I finally am back into the swing of posting again.  I love the community and positivity that it creates amongst us women.  It's a cold hard world, but its nice to have something every Sunday were people encourage you and care (besides mass that is). Speaking of mass, we actually were able to meet another family in the parish through a small world connection.  The mom used to be a college roommate of one of my grad school roommates before I married Keith.  It was great to talk with her and she used the same home birth midwife for her fifth that I am going with currently.   It was good to hear such positive things because its definitely been a worry that it just won't go well since it didn't last time.

So here is the outfit, friends have made the comment that for some reason this week, I seemed to have  finally popped, what do you think? I'm only at 24.5 weeks, but I guess they might have meant that I actually look pregnant finally to them?

Undershirt: American Apparel

Shirt: Motherhood Maternity

Skirt: from my mom

Tights: Running tights inside out and repurposed

Shoes: Target, from last year on clearance

I hope you all are having an excellent Sunday or Monday or Tuesday depending on when you read this. Check out more WIWS over at Fine Linen and Purple! 

Theme Thursday: Cold

Linking up for Theme Thursday with @celticmama6 today.

We got our first lasting snow this week, it was a bit early as a decent amount of trees in the area still have leaves.  But the littles thoroughly enjoyed romping in the snow and not caring one bit that it was "cold".

What I Wore Sunday, November 10th edition

Linking up with the girls over at Fine Linen and Purple today. 

I sometimes have blog ruts and link-ups are one of the only things that keep me going.  But honestly, I think that is okay.  So for WIWS here goes:

Undershirt: American Apparel

Sweater: Borrowed from a neighbor. 

 (Please tell me I'm not the only one who borrows maternity clothes from friends?  I like doing this because then I get to have new to me wardrobe with every pregnancy without spending a thing.  I also make sure to return the favor to other pregnant friends.)

Skirt: From my mom from her old teaching days collection (she had some style as at teacher didn't she?)

Boots: From a clothing swap. (Honestly these boots are super high heeled for me, and for those of you who rock heels, more power to you, my ankles ached after 2 hours.)

Belly: 23 weeks and 3 days

And so there you have it!  This weekend I was also running a booth to try to recruit ladies to help out with our Elizabeth Ministry.  Yesterday's mass was trying, but today so far I was able to get 3 volunteers.  I have one more mass to go, so I'm hoping for a few more. On a side note, I realized how quickly folks leave mass once they are done.  It makes it hard to build community, and honestly easily building community is something that I miss from my Protestant days. But I guess I just need to persevere and get there slowly.  Three more people to help is 3 more than I had yesterday!

Check out some more Sunday outfits at Fine Linen and Purple!

7 quick Takes

Linking up with Jen over at Conversion Diary for a lazy Saturday edition

1. Halloween came and went, we had a lot of rain and so we really didn't get any good pictures, and our costumes fell slightly apart by the end of it.  Lets just say that Elmer's glue is no longer sticky when it comes in contact with water. However, we did get to hang out with friends but unlike our normal adventures in our neighborhood, the wind and rain deterred a lot of houses from setting up so we didn't get to trick-or-treat to so many houses as we would as well. 

2. We made it through a 7pm mass last night with the kiddos.  They were a mess because it was late for them to be doing something that requires some discipline of themselves to sit stillish. Ben was just kind of limp when told to do anything and smuggled in a rubber band that he decided to make as a crane hook with all the mass books.  Ephraim tried to escape many times, and at one time managed to drop the kneeler in the pew behind us on himself.  I think we had to walk to the back at least 5 times with him and still dealt with a screaming E in the communion line.

3. I signed up the boys for a parent and child art class.  We enjoyed it yesterday a lot.  They introduced them to art appreciation and how to act in a museum and even had them distinguish composition to see if a bicycle could go in this or that painting.  To end it all, they got to paint with cars and trucks and tractors.  The boys loved it, and I was happy that it wasn't above Ephraim's capabilities as he is officially supposed to be 2.5 and he is just 2 now. They didn't let us take home our wet paintings, but we get them next week, and hopefully I will remember to take a picture or two of them.

4. When it came to Catholic book club this week, well, I didn't even try to put the boys in the childcare side.  They both hate it.  I don't know why completely, I can just rationalize that its an attachment thing and they aren't usually put into situations where they don't know the babysitters or the environment well so when they are, they revolt. It honestly makes perfect sense, but it sure is a struggle to fight the want to have them be like the other kids that seem to have no problem being separated from their mamas.

5. Lately when Ephraim ends a book that he is "reading" himself, she says "Amen" instead of the End.  It cracks me up every time.

6. I'm not sure if I ever said this, but Ephraim is no longer in our bed at night.  Sometimes he wanders over at 2 or 3 in the morning, but more days than not he will stay in his own bed in his shared room with his brother and its wonderful.  I feel like for us and him this was definitely the right time for him to be transitioned, any earlier and it would have been painful for me and him and we would have just been miserable. 

7. We started implementing more so the less snacks or no snacks a few hours before a meal time to try to get Ben and actually now Ephraim to eat more at meals.  It seems to be working, and the picky eater actually has to try to be less picky so he will eat.  We also are telling them that they don't get dessert until they have finished their plate, at least to the proportions that a toddler, pre-schooler should eat. It doesn't mean that I am awesome at doing this 100%, because I myself am a snacker.  But it is having me try to choose more healthy snack options since then I know if the kids do get a snack it is something that has nourishing components. 

Well, sorry there wasn't any pictures, but there you go. Have a great weekend!