Saturday, September 29, 2012

So it's not about you, you know..

Well, how do I start this. Hmm.  I'm not sure how much I want to share about the goings on that happened since the last post.  But I think I hit some sort of bottom since then and conceded I needed help. Help that I was avoiding, but I needed it,  and I did it and am feeling so much better as a result.  And a lot of things have been realized since said help started and out of all it I think the main thing is that I was so woe is me about the whole prior situation/state of life that we weren't getting anywhere.  That attitude made it way worse.  Instead of focusing on helping the other party (insert either child's name here or DH) I was in a constant state of anxiety of how can I help me. So what did I decide to do? Change focus.  

Changing focus has really helped because, though I'm still tired, I can try to get at the root cause.  I mean, it's still a battle to fight, and I still need to work on a lot of things, but overall realizing that this life I am leading is not about me, me, me but about serving God and others in even this aspect of life has been helping.  Because it's not like I was a completely vain person, at least I hope not, but just one that was struggling and handling that struggle incorrectly.  

To boot God threw another version of this lesson at me a few days into this revelation.  The back story goes like this, I had been in contact with my parish's priest about starting an Elizabeth Ministry.  I was telling him that this was such a good thing and a way to build community amongst young mothers in the parish.  I was all gung-ho to start it up and lead, lead, lead. He then found two other women that wanted to help and set up a meeting amongst us all.  

At the meeting I told them the ideas and such and they were like this is great. The women named a handful of other women that they knew might be interested in some of the outreach parts of the ministry and basically with a few instructions took it out of my hands.  It was like being a leader that presents an idea and having someone volunteer instantly to do it.  That never happens so I was slightly thrown off guard, and off put.  But then I realized the best thing happened the Ministry was born.  People were going to be helped.  And at the end of the day it wasn't about me, it was about forming community and we did.  So until I'm needed I get to sit back for a bit and watch it fall into place. A bit odd to do but I can do it because God is at work even if I am not currently needed.

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