Wednesday, September 10, 2014

Only if it brings you closer

I have been thinking, probably more like overthinking, about how much I don't know about Catholicism.  The intellectual in me likes to know things, but I think at times it makes me anxious.  To step into a realm of the unknown and learn a little which then leads to so much more. I think though at the same time I struggle with certain things.  I really struggle with prayer that is repetitive, I just..can't...focus when I do it.  I either fall asleep or get distracted.  So then, I see how folks have learned this great ancient prayer, and I think to myself "I suck at being a Catholic Christian because I can't do that." But this is the devil getting to me.  And well, I don't need him, I need Jesus. So then today after sitting in a bit of prayer, I was reminded of something that the priest at the church I went through RCIA said.  "If it doesn't bring you closer to Jesus, then it isn't worth it."  This doesn't discredit what others may be doing in their ancient prayer learning or carrying out so and so tradition, because for them it probably is doing just this, bringing them closer to Jesus.  But if its a hinderance instead of being fruitful, well then maybe I should reconsider it and do what works for me.  I think this doesn't mean that I can't grow, but I have to grow in Christ as God wants me to, not as someone else does, or from fear of being a bad Catholic.

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