annoyed

Why do we try to control all aspects of life? Why aren't people allowed to be the way that they were created to be, instead we have to mask things. Why is it insane to be a mom of 5, or 9. I think they are pretty cool. They have definitely learned humility in their lives. It's one thing to abstain in marriage due to grave reasons such as medical issues, extreme financial issues (not a "I can't afford a new car anymore if we have a baby"), mental health issues etc. Its another to have sex and eliminate the life giving aspect of it. It seems more and more that somehow people have it in their minds that they get to be done with God's will for their lives when it comes to children. They use any kind of barrier or potentially cancerous alteration to make sure that they don't have to sacrifice the ideal life. It's insane. I really want to be the mom with at least 5 kids that everyone looks down upon because I have too many kids. I mean I hope that they would be excited about the largish family, but it seems that when you have more than 2 kids these days, its a big family and too much to handle. I mean as of present, I'm not sure what God has in mind for the size of my family because I only have been able to make a little one that only after a few weeks in the womb went to heaven. But I have this strong desire to have a largish family whether it be natural or adopted. Honestly, adoption seems like a really great option if you want to help those that no one else wants, meaning a special needs child or a multi-racial/minority child. Both of which are awesome gifts from God because they teach us supposedly normal folks so much about life and how selfish we really are. Anyway, I am good with where I am, at least I am working on being ok with where God has placed me. But, I just don't want everyone around me to mask the beauty of what God has given them. To truly understand what a man and woman are meant to be is amazing, and how much God has written himself into us is amazing, to mask that means you miss so much of the gifts that God has given you.

about an hour after I wrote this, I read this interview. Definitely good to have someone backing me up. The Mom Squad

excellent quote from another blog

"And so the 40 year period after Vatican II was increasingly characterized by a kind of cult of ambiguity and moral indeterminacy. The less certain a person sounded, the more mature and sophisticated was he considered to be, and the more clear, certain and determinate a person was on moral issues, the less credibility he enjoyed." - DEACON DOUGLAS MCMANAMAN

this song makes me laugh

its true though, makes the humanity seem more real. And since that is my weeks reflection, I think that this helps with that. And if you don't know the band Popple, well then you are missing out.


Just Like Us by Popple

One day God got a plan
He’d come to Earth as a man
So he packed up his bags and came down, in the form of Jesus
Now Jesus wasn’t like me
Cause He was fully God you see
And He was perfection, and that certainly don’t describe me

But in a different way
He was human and from day to day
He had struggles, and temptations just like we all do
And so, He is our example
We take parts of His life to sample
Cause in His greatness, he was still a human just like you and me

He warmed the cold hearted
Largest seas he parted
Don’t forget, he’s just like us
Ya, even Jesus farted

So next time you start
To think you don’t have the heart
Just remember, Jesus had the same one that you have

"I've been so many people to so many people..."

I am completely exhausted today. I think I put too much effort into worrying about things that turn out fine in the long run. So why do I worry, why do I not trust God that it will be ok? That is something I am gonna continue contemplating. I mean it would be easy to blame it on society pressures, or what my parents expect of me, or even what my boss expects of me. But the thing is this, I am trying. And putting my best foot forward, or at least attempting to, in everything that I do. I think the part of me that worries is the perfectionist. The part that I don't want to be but still am and so it manifests itself in worry. I am slowly realizing more and more the need for silence, the need for contemplative prayer, for listening, because they are assuring that it is ok. That God is still holding my hand, and not letting go. THe other thing I realized is that these things are really hard for me to do. I would give anything to be able to shut of my constantly thinking head and be in total silence, but I can't. Again, though I try.

Trying is not the same as almost doing something though, trying in my book means I keep at it, I keep persisting, I keep wanting to be at peace, to not worry. And sometimes there is glimpses of it, which is excellent, really excellent.

I think part of my strive to do it all perfectly is that I like that well done remark, today I didn't get it. But that is ok, I need to be ok with the imperfection of myself. Those parts that I want to be brilliant but really only shine when Jesus takes hold of them. Its odd sometimes how beautiful and perfect Jesus is. We romanticize his humanity a little much though I think. He probably would never make today's hottest 100 men list. Nor would he make the best dressed list. To me he would be that skinny awkward looking fellow, that probably had crooked teeth, and probably didnt smell all that spectacular either, though the people of the time were probably used to everyone being smelly. I wonder if they based beauty on the amount of odor a person had back in the day, that would be odd to see. Though I know today, if you sit on the train beside a smelly man, well its not the best experience in the world.

Anyway, so you see the perfectionist in me wants myself to be perfect in all facets, but the problem is that I am judging that by man-made standards, ones that are virtually flawed by the fact that they are from men. So what does it come down to then?

Well I am a daughter of a King. A king I tell you! So that makes me a princess :), and so who is the one person that I have to answer to? Well the king obviously. So, should I worry about living up to this person's standards, or society's teaching on this or that. Only if they are in agreement with the king, and that King is Jesus. Jesus, the one who totally goes against the norm of what is right, and the one that people hated because he stood for truth, and was God in all his humanity. He was God in all his humanity....hmmm. His humanity of scrapes and bruises, pimples and blisters, of dry skin and smelly feet. None of these were sins, they didn't violate the fact that he was still sinless and perfect.

And we are made in the image of God, a perfect God, but what is perfection really if we base it off the wrong standard? I think now it becomes meaningless, though somehow we still hide ourselves and are shameful of not living up to the societal standard. Maybe we should rethink this. I know I need to, being the daughter of a King and all.