Mary a mother example for all of us

I thought about this a few days back, though, I was busy with presentations and tests so I never had a chance to sit down and write. Hopefully, what I thought about then all comes back to me now.
First of all, my thoughts went first back to the film about home birth. It still fascinates me and I am determined to have a home birth now for many reasons, as long as I don't have any medical complications, which 80% of births do not.
But then I thought about motherhood, I thought about how I so badly want to be a mother, but society in subconscious and some conscience ways doesn't want me to be. They say that in order to have worth you need a career outside of the home, something that gives you fulfillment. Why isn't being a mom fulfilling enough. I guess when it comes without really understanding that we are made for each other, to have real intimate relationships with each other, and this is who we really are. (and I mean intimate in a way unlike the normal connotation, but maybe what one would say is a deep meaningful relationship) If we don't understand what we were made for then, we look for fulfillment elsewhere, and sometimes you do need to have a career to survive. This is the way that I look at work, something that I have to do to survive. Because for me it is evident that I thrive off relationships with others. I am gettting a PhD in physical computational applied theoretical electrochemistry, and you know what I am not going to be that. I am going to use my degree so that I can be the best mother that I can be. I will use all the skills and the knowledge that I have gained to rear or raise my children. I have many other passions and interests that amount to more knowledge than this and I will be able to use these in my motherhood. And some would be like well you can't teach a child electrochemistry when they are 2. Well maybe you can't at least not at the level that I know it, but that is a sacrifice to raise little lights of Christ that I am willing to take.
I think in someways, the way that motherhood is downplayed makes it all the more significant, because we will be looked at as uneducated in the western world's standards of intelligence for a woman. We will be thought of as women who are retreating away from what women's liberation has done for us. I mean honestly, if women's liberation has only done things that have made men and women be identical instead of being equal but separate. I don't want any part of it. I don't want to have to suppress what God has built me with to function as a man in society, instead of the woman that I am. I am going to be a mom, because through being a mom I am fulfilled in God's design of who I am. I will have the hardest "career", as I will be responsible for the fragility of tiny person and for the development of them into adulthood in many aspects. I will have to see that they grow into lights of Christ, never ceasing to what to serve their God and to seek to understand the world around them.
And lastly, I bring up Mary. This woman and I have had our issues as I became Catholic last year, mainly because as Protestants say she comes out at Christmas and that is it. But I have begun to understand her as more. Being the Mother of God, she has such a huge role in Christianity, that we really cannot deny or suppress. Why? Because she is an example of how all women can serve Christ. She was at his right hand, seeing him through all things, giving support, really just sacarficing her life for him. She had no idea what his life was to become, but she accepted the challenge, as a mother, a care-giver. She was so humble and not proud and really just pointed in her actions towards her son. and this is how we can understand motherhood through her example.

A song stuck in my head "Oh My God" by Jars of Clay

This song strikes me in a strange way. It's just a cry out to the creator. It's someone who sees all the wrong and the destruction in this world and is perplexed by it all. A reaction to going somewhere trying to do something short term about and realizing that isn't enough. I sometimes think that's part of the reason coming back from doing short term missions, I don't feel good about myself. My brother put it well when he was in N. Ireland, there was a group of people that came in for a week, and they got kids involved, cleaned up the neighborhoods, got people to come to church for a week, and then when they left it was back to what it was before they came. Low church attendance, little involvement, kids on the streets getting into trouble, lots of unemployment everywhere you went. I think that the one thing that I learned about it all doing these short trips was that you should appreciate everything you have. Most Americans have too much. We have the latest gadgets, the latest fashions, the best food to eat, the nicest cars to drive. I still tell my husband that our house is way too big for us. Granted we want a family and it was on the market cheap due to the housing crisis in America, but still its too much. It could house 5 families in a different country. There could be 15 people living in it. And most people would think I am quite the crazy one to think this way. Because most people just want to live comfortably, and sometimes I do too. But this is not what my life is about. Not one bit. My life is serving God. I think thats why I get so upset about the innocent being destroyed, and most don't get why because for most Americans they want this comfort. They are so lost in it all, and they may deny the want for it. It's sad to think about it. And why do we do it. I think sometimes its because we don't let God in enough, we aren't repentant enough, and if you are Catholic, we aren't confessing enough and learning from our mistakes. We need to see the power of God, the perfection of him in our weakness and we fail to do this time and time again. As the priest gave the homily last week on this, it makes so much sense. He sees it, and thank God for priests like him that do. Unfortunately, most will say it doesn't apply to them even though it does. For me its pride, God's mercy is made perfect everytime he humbles me. And believe me since I am an arrogant young person, it happens a lot. But I really should work, so I will leave you to decide for yourself what you think of the lyrics of this beautiful cry for help.



"Oh my God, look around this place
Your fingers reach around the bone
You set the break and set the tone
Flights of grace, and future falls
In present pain
All fools say, "Oh my God"

Oh my God, Why are we so afraid?
We make it worse when we don't bleed
There is no cure for our disease
Turn a phrase, and rise again
Or fake your death and only tell your closest friend
Oh my God.

Oh my God, can I complain?
You take away my firm belief and graft my soul upon your grief
Weddings, boats and alibis
All drift away, and a mother cries

Liars and fools; sons and failures
Thieves will always say
Lost and found; ailing wanderers
Healers always say
Whores and angels; men with problems
Leavers always say
Broken hearted; separated
Orphans always say
War creators; racial haters
Preachers always say
Distant fathers; fallen warriors
Givers always say
Pilgrim saints; lonely widows
Users always say
Fearful mothers; watchful doubters
Saviors always say

Sometimes I cannot forgive
And these days, mercy cuts so deep
If the world was how it should be, maybe I could get some sleep
While I lay, I dream we're better,
Scales were gone and faces light
When we wake, we hate our brother
We still move to hurt each other
Sometimes I can close my eyes,
And all the fear that keeps me silent falls below my heavy breathing,
What makes me so badly bent?
We all have a chance to murder
We all feel the need for wonder
We still want to be reminded that the pain is worth the thunder

Sometimes when I lose my grip, I wonder what to make of heaven
All the times I thought to reach up
All the times I had to give
Babies underneath their beds
Hospitals that cannot treat all the wounds that money causes,
All the comforts of cathedrals
All the cries of thirsty children - this is our inheritance
All the rage of watching mothers - this is our greatest offense

Oh my God
Oh my God
Oh my God"

Becoming a Mom

Just to set the record straight, at this moment I am not pregnant. A lot of people around me are, but I am not. Today I watched a documentary called "The Business of Being Born" by Ricki Lake. It was really good. It was about how 80% of births have no need to take place in a hospital setting where doctors are around. A midwife is more than capable of handling most births and from watching this film, I think they should. C-sections have become the way most women deliver babies now, and if not then they are heavily sedated that they cannot feel what their bodies are doing, or they are induced for doctor's convenience so they can get leave their shifts on time. Most OBGYNs have not seen natural birth, the way God set us up to have a child actually happen. That simply amazed me. Epidurals are almost standard, which to me is crazy. I want to feel my body actually giving birth. The other thing that amazed me is that the position that we see textbook births in is not the best position to have birth. Squatting is actually the best position, instead of being on your back. It helps the process to be so much better. It was amazing watching these births in this way, the woman seemed so much more comfortable, so much more relaxed and without drugs. Why do we woman think we have to be on drugs for all things concerning our fertility? I really don't get it. God really built us able to be in control of it ourselves without having drugs at all. One of the most amazing parts was seeing the part of the husband or the family members and the doula (which I will explain later). They all were doing things to help comfort the future mom, but also letting her being charge of her own body. And if you have a midwife and you develop complications during pregnancy they will help you to get to a doctor that can do something about it. They are trained to know what it to do. They know how to turn around breached babies, which is key. Basically I think as long as I have no complications in my pregnancies I am definitely going this way. It is so much cheaper too, and you have human interaction instead of cold doctors who aren't excited about the miracle happening. Granted not all doctors are programmed but I still think a woman seems to have a much better experience with a midwife than a normally trained OBGYN.

And now to how this relates to my pro-life self. I think that because having the ability to give birth naturally is a gift from God, it is essentially pro-life. By doing this, infants have a higher chance of survival, the mother has less chance of infections, or having later complications with future pregnancies. These are all measures of how being open to life in the way God designed it to be makes it pro-life. We aren't altering what already works. Supposedly with the way birth in hospitals is done with inducing of labor and epidurals we are creating more chances for the baby to be killed in vaginal childbirth, which is then why babies are delivered thru C-sections. Its kinda crazy. I think it has to do with the fact that we don't want to be inconvenienced in some sense, and in others, its all we know and so we think its the only way that it can be done as told by doctors. It's also amazing that due to being on massive amounts of drugs during childbirth, woman no longer feel that true connection their child, they find it hard to breast feed because of this. It doesn't come naturally. Why do we want to mess with these things that our bodies are designed to do. I wonder some day if some woman won't be able to give birth naturally anymore because of evolving in that manner. If this is the case it will be an even sadder world than it is today with many more lost people looking for love in all the wrong places.

To leave on a note of connections, which are always interesting with me. it has been proposed that having these drugs put into woman during childbirth may be a cause of the high amounts of attention deficit disorders, and problems of that matter. Researchers have not looked into this enough to know if this is true, but most birth drugs given do not see immediate side effects but only after several years of having them being used.

some thoughts...

Just so I get this off my mind. I have been beating myself up that I didn't answer the question correctly about the difference in being pro-choice and killing children. When you are pro-choice, it means that somewhere in your head you have disconnected the idea of when life begins from the scientific fact that it begins at conception. You have disconnected the fact that even though you may not understand what it going on in a woman's body during this time, she is forming a fully developed life. You are advocating that to suck out the brains of an almost full term baby and have it born as a stillborn is ok, because someone this prevents it from being a true life. You don't think about how a woman will be so depressed after this procedure, that she herself will take her own life many times. So think about it. What are you advocating in this measure. Think about all the wonderful people who want to have a child and can't. They want it so badly but it never happens for them. And then think of all the innocent who have been destroyed because of this viewpoint. There is a life there. A human, in its early stages of development, a stage you once were. I mean thats the part that baffles me. We once were these tiny humans, and we made it through. Why don't we want this for everyone. Think about all of your friends and if their moms had decided to abort them. Where would you be? What if your mother had an abortion and you are missing a sibling? Think of the dynamic lost. Its so strange to think about, and I leave you at that. To kill an innocent child is the same as having pro-choice views, even if you yourself could never do it.

Planned Parenthood upset about the rise in Birth Control Costs

So supposedly birth control went up 900% from what it was last year. I say good. Because maybe it will make people think about their choices. As we all know its about choice. lol. Anyway, just thought that was interesting. Found an add on campus about how we should be more upset about birth control than gas prices rising. It's kinda funny, I think that planned parenthood is an organization that only deals with symptoms of a bigger problem. Probably why the same people that support them also get annoyed with gas prices rising. They don't see the bigger picture. Granted I spent about 3 extra hours on public transportation in the last 24 hours, but I see there is more than just complaining about gas prices to solve a problem. We need to get rid of our gas dependency in general. As with birth control, we need to get rid of the idea that we need it to be intelligent about our choices. It's actually the most unintelligible thing to do about having sex.