Weekly writing

I have been reading the book, "She's Still There" by Crystal Evans Hurst. And its amazing. I think honestly if you frame it right it can help you to work towards bettering any situation if you have the intention that you want it to be better and are willing to do something about it. I picked it up under an Elizabeth Foss recommendation and because well I do sometimes think that I have lost me along the way of the craziness of life. Let me tell you, its held up to its esteemed recommendation.

I know everyone seems to be talking about self-care these days, and I think this was one of my means of achieving how to know how to do that for me. There are the usual healthful diet and regular exercise, of which I try to adhere to, where I struggle is with up keeping regular habits that are beneficial in thought so as to change the outlook of things around me.

So in trying to figure that out, I realize that writing helps me tremendously in my mood and I had gotten away from it for so very long. I blamed the baby and the homeschooling and just about everything. I guess I wasn't really ready to own up to the fact that I needed it. But I finally decided that this was my one habit that I needed to continue and so here I am.

As for today, today I'll tell you how my children truly amaze me. I shared on twitter how the children decided to make a lemonade stand this afternoon. And they did it. They cleaned my drink pitcher, they made the lemonade, they made a sign with the price and product, they hauled out the table and chairs, they found the cups to distribute and they even brought out extra quarters for change. They did this all while I was hauled up in my bedroom with the nursling that wouldn't let me go. Their dad was nearby watching from a far, but still, they did it all by themselves. It made my mama heart proud.

Apparently, Ephraim "read" a book that featured a lemonade stand in it, so he then got the idea and carried it out. This guy has a born initiative that I did not teach him and I love it. It seems to work well with his brother's personality that smooths out the kinks with the conversing with people and the knowing the exact proportions of things. But honestly I am still amazed. They actually had customers too. And Helena told me that she said thank-you and she said that customer was like Maui and said "You're Welcome".  Her little personality makes us laugh so much at times.

Tomorrow is Stellamaris's feast day, so we shall see what that brings. Sweet dreams.

Cincinnati reflections part 3

I realize its been months since we took our trip to Cincinnati, but I think I am a slow processor. I would not work well as the latest iPhone model for sure. I'm more like my 4 year old android holder phone that has to be poked 5 or more times to load a page.

I may have touched on this all before, but one thing I think Cincinnati did for me was stretch me in my thoughts of how we live. I used to think that since I lived in the city that I was an urban dweller, but really I still have a yard and a driveway and a whole house to myself. My kids don't have to go to a park to play outside they can run around in the yard or just walk to a neighbors house around the corner. When we were there I realized that even though this is the city of Cleveland, we are still spread out a ton. There is so much freedom and green here and I appreciate that immensely because of my experience. Now if we could only get rid of the mosquitoes so I could go outside and not be bitten 5 times in 5 minutes we'd be good. But we do live in a city that doesn't have a budget for that and in the end that's okay.

When we came back we were actually sad that we couldn't walk to everything, that things just felt more car oriented here and it was a bit of a letdown. But maybe we were also more adventurous when there and honestly Over the Rhine isn't as easily maneuverable by car as here is. There are a lot more smaller streets and a lot more one ways there, while Old Brooklyn, despite its million pot holes is pretty driver friendly. It's also pretty bike friendly too, and that we appreciate living here and liking to bike.

I am going to say that I may say this all very badly because I don't usually talk about race on the blog, but one of the major learning things from being where we were in the city compared to where we normally live was that we were no longer the majority race. My kids noticed it right away, and it called to mind that whole issue of being color blind. We really aren't color blind. Being different colors doesn't make one of us better than the other, but we are different colors. So my kids noticed that. And I think it was good for me to have to discuss that with them. I think also, even though I consider myself not to be prejudice about someone of a different color, I think I had to come to grips with what my comfort level was with being around people that were different than me. I think I learned that part of me was scared, and I needed to adjust that and get over it. My kids on the other hand made friends with whomever would willingly play with them and that pretty much meant everyone at the playground that was willing to run circles with them or run the slides backwards. My oldest even made friends with the playground attendant because she was super friendly, to him it never seems to matter if someone is different. He's going to ask you about those differences and in that form a bond with you in doing so.

34

I'm 34 officially today. I think overall it was a good little day. The kids were sweet in their birthday moments of wrapping up toys of theirs (H), making me a lego creation (B), or creating a print card (E), or sleeping better finally (S). But even if these graces didn't happen, it was just a good day. I think I realized that one of the things I really enjoy is baking with my kids. So we made some brownies from scratch together and just made them be our celebration cake.

I also went to the craft store, which is another favorite of mine, and I enjoyed that a lot. I like art and making things. Even though I don't think I have the time or talent to be an Etsy shop lady, I do enjoy it. Honestly, its my favorite thing in the world to get a kiwi crate with kids and just see what they create. 

My children, are well, themselves. Helena is loud and emotional about a lot of things and today was no exception. She fought playing soccer with her team, even though she begged to play with her brother last spring. If I ran around with her, and this meant with a baby in the Boba, she would do it, but otherwise she flailed. And maybe this means she's a bit young to be playing, and probably she is. But I think to some extent it's good that its hard for her and even if she gets 30% of what's intended out of it, that is something. (That's her in the pic running in that orange flash.) 

I think its hard to be everything she needs. She's in this phase of I can't. And I wish she wasn't, but she is. I think its her wanting more of me because she has a baby sister that gets a lot of attention and her brother's get a lot of attention with their schooling. I try to make a point to take special walks with her, but sometimes that's not enough and she wants more. And I get that, I do. Sometimes its just hard to give. I do want her to know she is loved though, and I hope she does. 

And I didn't mean for that to be about H but that was where my mind was. I think a lot about my relationships with my girls, just because my own relationship with my own mom is a struggle at times. I want these girls of mine and my boys too, to know they are loved just the way they are. And for some odd reason birthdays make me think of this. 

So here's to 34. I'm hoping for more patience and more I love yous. I am praying for more peace in my restless heart. I want to remember more that I am okay and it's going to be okay. And just to smile at noticing the little things, the way the kids play together, the way the flowers grow, the way my husband walks down a street to meet our crazy crew when we've been at the neighbors. 34, I'm ready.