Musings

A lot of time I think about writing things on here, a lot of them become too personal to share on the internet.  Post conversation over the Easter break with a friend I've been thinking about what I actually share on the internet.  At times it helps to share things to be authentic.  At times those things of authenticity can hurt another or are something that by sharing are just passive aggressive thoughts that by blasting them into cyberspace makes us feel better.  And I've done both of these things.  Other times they are those of self discovery or describing life's experiences, a way of journaling.

I've been noticing that I am prone to jealousy or feeling left out. In reality it makes no sense, the fact that one can only interact with some many people in one's life, I should really be content with interacting with the people I really can interact with, versus the illusive person that is a friend of a friend on the internet.  At times though, I just want to know.  To know what another is up to, and be in the know. Maybe it stems from not being completely filled in my day to day relationships. Maybe its just me letting my human weakness dictate how I interact with others.

Whatever it is, it has me thinking. Am I sharing this to feel better about myself at the expense of another?  Is this something I should just talk to one person about? Am I lacking something right now that I need to fill up with time with reflecting with myself and God? These are things that I am pondering and realizing a lot of times I'm stuck in what to do. And maybe that's not the best place to be, stuck. Perhaps, I have to learn to still think for myself to really and truly own who I am. I want to be able to write something and not be worried that it will offend another or have it be me wanting to gain popularity.

I pray that I'll get better at this discernment as I recognized God's grace and grow along the way. Perhaps I should stick to what I know, but really I'm not sure if I know anything all that well. Am I really an expert?  I guess what I can do is offer my perspective of where I am at in life.  And this is it. This is where I am. I am a child of God. I am a married woman. I have 4 living children and two in heaven. I homeschool my kids and I teach a class on the side to high schoolers. I lead a Destination Imagination group for my kids and three other families. I take part in leading our local Blessed Is She group and try to maintain its Facebook page.  I knit sometimes and binge read a lot.  I enjoy food tv shows and those that highlight culture and I am a sucker for a good teenage Disney channel like show. I like happy endings and things that show the beauty of life. I enjoy being outside but am terrified of snakes and ticks. I like walking places and hate cars, using them only as a necessity.

I'm sure there is a lot more to me, but this what I know right now. I want to grow in who I am, to truly  be able to say this is me and mean it. Perhaps I won't be comfortable in my own shoes until heaven.  But I hope my journey towards heaven inches me closer. And I think I'll just leave it at that for today.

A day

Today we started in a different state across the Ohio river in the bordering town of Covington,  KY. We were staying in a row house airbnb, and it was a fun old house with some modernized bits to it.  The children appreciated that it had two sets of stairs so they could make a stair loop.  Honestly,  child me loved any house with Butlers stairs because it just felt like you could explore more and pretend more with them.  And I'm pretty sure it was a slim amount of time I came into contact with them as a kid and yet they still made an impact on me,  so perhaps this rental was fulfilling my inner child as well. 

I noticed on the way in last night that we were within walking distance from a gorgeous cathedral, one I had wanted to visit when we had stayed in Cincinnati area last summer but it didn't work out.  So we looked up the daily mass time and went this morning.  The tabernacle alone was worth the early morning waking for mass.  I always have good intentions to be a more regular daily mass goer,  but rarely am.  I blame it on the kids,  but really I'm someone that likes to sleep in on a regular basis to 8am, and that means I miss most daily masses.  Today, though we made it,  all six of us.

We then traveled across the river and dropped the husband off to work and then went to the Firefighter museum. It was small but we were refreshed in our fire safety,  learned some history and the kids got to play in the cab of a modern day fire engine, so I'd call it a win for the $8.25 total for the admission of all of us.

After that we walked the three blocks to Washington park,  the kids remember this place super fondly so they played in the park playground for a bit and then we wandered over to get soft pretzels from Bretzel nearby. We then wandered back to our car and headed up to Findlay market for some more nutrient dense lunch.  The kids chose carrots,  pepperoni and cheese for lunch.  I had cashew chicken salad.  All was satisfying.

We then said goodbye to our favorite away from home city and started our drive home.  It was a long drive as we got stuck in Columbus with a wrong turn and some accidents of other drivers but we made it finally home.  And its good to be home,  on the complete opposite side of the state from where we started.  To be home, a glorious thing,  even if travel is good.  Its good to come home and know that its where you can be you faults and all. 

So with the children bathed and in bed,  I bid you goodnight.  Goodnight.  I hope the sense of home warms your soul tonight.