So I've been busy. Benjamin asked for a sweater for his birthday, and specifically asked me to knit it. So that's what I've been up to the last few weeks. Well that and I needed a hat, so I knitted a hat, two hats actually, the first didn't fit me so I gave it to Helena.
I go about a year or more between knitting projects so I'm always relearning and so here's to hoping that it turns out okay.
I wanted to write about these kids of mine. I used to cringe solo bedtime so much with them. There was always so much to do with them and no one was ever happy and it was gnashing of teeth. I just couldn't handle it. The last two times I've done it, I'm not sure if I just let go of expectations, or that they finally understand their routine with me but somehow it's not been cringe worthy.
In fact tonight I really wanted to smile at my kids and tell them I loved them instead of begrudgingly doing it.
I think the one difference is they are older, Ben's nearing 5, Ephraim 3.5 and Helena 1. Now the baby is still little but somehow, having the bigger two makes her not seem as hard. Maybe because they love her so much, who knows. And today she was hard. She barely napped and instead cried and bit me all day. Teething much anyone?
Anyway, to anyone contemplating a third, I'm now at a point where I can say it's worth it. It's so hard some days, but it's also that much better other days. It's helped me let go of so many false expectations I had before, it's helped me see what I really need for myself and it's just stretched me in a good way. I knew from a good friend who had her three and now has a fourth that three would be hard, but I could see that she also saw the amazing dynamic of it all too. That kept me going this past year, so thank you Clare if you read this.
And now, now I enjoy the silence of three sleeping children. Even if it only lasts a little while with the baby the way she is today.