|Couch jumping, its almost as good as a trampoline. :)|
A wise friend once told me that she never wants to make a decision based out of fear. This always challenges me, because I feel like I can fall into that fear trap. I want everything to work out okay and sometimes it creates a failure to act.
I've been reading Henri Nouwen in my Lenten journey, and so far its been a good thing. He thinks a bit like me, but also not. But he asks the questions that I need to be asked and challenges the thinking that may be skewed. The Life of the Beloved is my current read, and its good. It's helping me to see myself as loved because I struggle with that. You wouldn't think that, me being me and all, but I do.
Hurt and fear of failure really have done a number on me, but its a good start to know that I'm the Beloved. I used to hear the youth minister say "you are a beloved child of God" to countless teens when I volunteered. It didn't hit me then though. I'm glad he said it to all those kids because its true and they needed that seed, and so did I.
I think I am growing a bit this Lent and maybe not in the way I was intending to do so. I've already figured out that social media really isn't the culprit to my distraction, though it can be addicting, so its good to reset the limits. Thus, I'll carry out that fast and when Lent is through I'll reevaluate my limits. Limits are definitely a key. Sometimes I feel like I'm missing out being away from social media, but I know the break is good. There are a few Twitter friends' babies to be born that I'm anticipating finding out about their births on Sundays. The Twitter community is probably the most missed, there are some good friends on there who are an extension of my IRL friends and I miss them a bit.
I was also trying to work on trying to be more joyous in my vocation. I think in my day job of being a SAHM, its so easy for me to be pessimistic, and point out the bad parts of the day or dwell on them which is even worse. I'm noticing that if I'm present more, I like what I do more. The brain calling me 20 different directions needs to shave off at least a few of those distractions and just be. It still doesn't make me like pretend play, but I can at least do some bits of it and offer it up (which is another whole blog post in its being).
I wanted to write so many things here, but I think I'll leave it at that, a Lenten update one week in. How is your Lent going? Reevaluating as well? Ready to give up? Feeling Stronger? I look forward to hearing from you.