Friday, August 28, 2020

Three Girl

My daughter paints in soap and lotion.

When she watches a movie, she's in constant motion

She can sing any tune

And always points out the moon.

She hates to get wet.

But give her a swing and she is set.

I wonder who she will grow to be

But right now she is only three.

Monday, July 13, 2020

Plastic Free Alternatives

I complied a list of things you can get without plastic involved. In our area of the country, we do not have glass recycling and plastic recycling is on its way out. We only have metal and paper recycling. Thus, I made a list of products and companies that offer alternatives, some are even tree free using bamboo. All packaging that the product comes in should be compostable, recyclable or reusable. Hope you find this helpful.

Plastic FREE PRODUCTS (zero waste, everything is compostable or recyclable)

Shampoo, conditioner and body wash 
Can return packaging for refills. 

Dishsoap, handsoap, multi purpose cleaner, bathroom cleaner, glass cleaner

Can just use own bottles and just start with refill packs

Cleancult- waxed milk jug containers

Kitchen Sponges
Silicon sponges like these -reusable, dishwasher friendly


Patch Bandages - Made from bamboo sold online or at target

If you don’t have teeth problems bamboo brushes are the way to go here. There are many companies that sell these, just do a search online

“Q-Tips” - Cotton Buds

Lip Balm
Many different companies selling lipbalm in compostable tubes, this is a small etsy seller doing it.

No good alternatives for actual wanting to clean your mouth well.
Best alternative found is David’s Natural Toothpaste, supposedly in an all metal recyclable container, not sure who would recycle it though.


Period care
Thinx underwear
Menstrual Cups
Reusable cloth pads and panty liners

Replacable blade razors (costly)

Baby Diapers: 
Alva Baby, Green Mountain Diapers
BumGenius, Fuzzi Buns, Charlie Banana 
(find through a buy nothing or local buy nothing group)

Loofah sponge

Laundry soap


Sheets laundry club

Ziplock bags
Various silicone washable bags can be found on Amazon or other smaller company sites

Plastic wrap
Bees wax wrap

Toilet paper 
Who gives a crap 
Grove co. 

Paper towels and tissues
Grove co.

Cupcake Liners:
Regular ones are compostable 
Silcone Ones are reusable

Companies that carry a lot of niche zero waste products

Package Free Shop

Well Earth Goods 

Wednesday, July 8, 2020

What is okay to share

There's an absolute sense of vulnerability in my life currently that feels like I'm unable to share publicly. Andwhat does that really mean to share publicly? Does one have to bare one's heart to the world to be loved?
In raw pain I'm glad that people can find comfort in sharing. I don't have that in my life. In the hard things I've gone through I've been shut down or gaslit away from being able to feel them freely. It's led me to set up strict boundaries that just are hard because the people around me will never really know our understand what it's like to walk in my shoes. But some do have some empathy and for that I'm grateful.
In knowing all of this, I'm trying to lean into my own discomfort for the marginalized people in our country, the immigrants, BIPOC, and all the people who have to live in fear to be themselves. Because the God l know is full of love, so full he sees us when no one else does. And he says in our mess that he still loves us. And goodness is our nation a mess currently. I've seen in my own life that sometimes you absolutely have to break to be healed, but it's uncomfortable to do so and we often to resist it. I think we need to break as a nation, currently many are trying to cover everything up, but it's not working. It's just beating one's head against the wall over and over.
So if statues have to come down and protests have to carried out to be heard then we need to hear. We need to listen to the broken, because we too are broken and it's in our brokenness that we can find common ground and learn to love.

And yes, our God is bigger than a statue any day. 

Thursday, May 21, 2020

Pandemic poem

We knew it wasn't sustainable.
This lifestyle and world we were living in.
It couldn't cycle through another,"but this is the way things have always been."
It had to break at some point.
But who would have thought this would be it.
A pandemic.
Yet it is it.
There are so many things that needed to break.
And there are so many people hurting.
But perhaps this is the world's chance at redemptive suffering.
If they will let it in.
It will be hard, to grow and learn.
It always is.
Tears will be shed.
Overwhelm will happen.
Through it, though, it can't be avoided.
And it's not all for naught.
We can still find joy among the sadness.
But it is still sad.
Sad that the good had to stop with the bad.
Finding little bits of joy will keep you going.
Knowing that you matter, that the cancer patient down the street matters.
The 85 year old neighbor matters, and the narcissist, he still matters, though perhaps should be not in the forefront.
This time in pandemic isn't a wash.
So how do we learn from the broken.
How do we grow in the darkness.
Step outside the fear perhaps?
Search for creativity.
Take a step back and soak it all in.
See the forest among the trees.
Go with kindness, even in the hard things.
We can learn while broken.
We can shine brightly again.
But perhaps we need to hope.
Hope in something greater than us.
That hope will get us through.
To the other side.
We will sing again.

Thursday, April 30, 2020

Little things in the wrong places.

This week has had a few little things in odd places, places where they shouldn't have been.

The first one was a 1X1 green Lego brick. I was attempting to close the dishwasher and for some reason I couldn't get it to close. It would not physically fit where it was supposed to and I had no idea why. My honest go to is to shove something into place to make it work, but it honestly wouldn't go here. And so I called down my husband telling him that the dishwasher was broken. I was convinced that somehow the counters had swelled and warped. Newsflash, they did not. But the dishwasher would not close. So Keith examined it further and it happened that a tiny Lego brick found its way into the crack between the door and the rest of the washer. I didn't see it, it was small, but Keith found it and the dishwasher worked again.

The second one was a toothpick. Apparently, Keith was fixing our breaking dining room table with toothpicks and wood glue. All the screws were coming plum out so Keith was trying to make the holes more sticky and smaller. So somehow a toothpick traveled upstairs to our bedroom carpet and lodged itself in the carpet. I was in the act of collecting books for our local chapter of forest school's remote circle time that day. I went to reach down for Peter Rabbit by Beatrix Potter, and felt a sharp pain in my foot. I exclaimed my pain and then tried to figure out what it was that my foot had encountered. Whatever it was, had gone straight through my sock into the ball of my foot. When I looked at it, it was a stick of wood, a half toothpick to be exact. So I had Keith play immediate surgeon, and he pulled out some of it. But then part was still stuck, so I got brave and took it out myself. I cleaned the wound and bandaged it.  It was pretty sore to walk on for the rest of the day but is much better since then.

The last one was an ear bud cap. I had been using an old pair of headphones, because I haven't found a my newer set and there is no way I would trust myself with Airpods. So I have been listening to audio books as background noise to learn something and feel like people are around me. This requires my phone to be attached, so one time it fell straight to the ground and the headphone ripped right out of my ear. I saw it in pieces and thought, well, I guess I will just throw these out now. I went drop off food to a new mama and went about my day. Much later in the day, Helena exclaimed that I had a really weird earring in my ear. And I had no idea what she was talking about. But I asked her what ear, and apparently she was right, I had the outside covering to the earbud stuck right in my ear. I had no idea!

So hopefully these stories make you cry, laugh or think I'm crazy. Any of the above or outside this range of reaction is totally acceptable. I hope you have a great May Day tomorrow!

Tuesday, April 28, 2020

Existential Crisis Mode

I miss my life. I miss Forest School and community building. I miss making Little Free Libraries for people and teaching at co-op. I miss it. I miss Jesus and Sunday church community.

I am feeling like I have no purpose, because it just feels like I can't do the things I want to do and I am so ready to do things again. I guess instead I have to be creative and do them differently, and I have been. But then it comes back to the hard things, the things that I have always struggled with and those things are so hard. That it feels like there is an inability to fit in and that I will never been good enough to feel proud of myself. That I am totally terrified of what others think of my heart projects. That maybe, I am just that terrible at English that I can't write a children's book anyway.

And today there was the conversation that made me feel like I didn't belong, everyone else agreed that the world should take into account population control to solve climate change, and its just not true. Instead we have to go and make the big players change their policies. If the little guys can only change the climate by 6 percent, then we definitely need to adjust how the big players see it. My dear husband told me that a lot of excess energy is spent on military operations, and yet a lot of things are not necessary to be what they are.

I do think that scientists are trying, even if sometimes the headlines for the masses may blow up a small finding as huge. I do think we care about this planet, but also we need to care about our people. There's no use having people die in Malawi and then tell them the solution to their problems is to live a westernized way when that's not even on their radar and doesn't allow them to be them.

I was reading the Encountering the Saints Series book on Saint Issac Jogues, and man was he ever tortured. It's hard to think about how the colonizers interacted with the natives with a clear head, knowing what we know now. But at the same time, its really not respecting another human to bite off his thumb or club him in a gauntlet. I remember from the baptists of being told to meet people where they are at when trying to share the gospel with them. I think they tried, but yet they were so different and also associated with their enemies that they just had different ways of thinking about a non native.

I want to be able to approach topics that are hard, that I disagree with others without wanting to say you are dumb for thinking that, because that's not respectful either. I think perhaps its hard though when it attacks your core, and a core that you are unsure of yourself in a way that plays at your weaknesses. I for one do not like to rock the boat, because anytime I have done so, its had major consequences. However, if something is blatantly false, how do I approach someone with dignity but also say you should look at this through a different angle.

I also like books, but most folks don't like to read books that challenge you to think deeply. Most adult fiction is written at a 6th grade level of reading, no higher. Why do you think that is?

So here I am, in existential crisis mode wondering why I will never get over not wanting to be praised and liked. That I will fail here and now and this will make me stronger, even if I don't like it.