tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-42944836798684520402024-02-19T16:39:40.448-05:00Contranaut GirlMusings of wannabe author in a world of possibility. Contranaut Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02773343233006374719noreply@blogger.comBlogger592125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4294483679868452040.post-75920349984440503352024-01-25T21:45:00.002-05:002024-01-25T21:45:19.791-05:00The Menagerie Book 1 ReviewThe Menagerie is a middle grade novel written by the author of the Wings of Fire series, Tui T. Sutherland. I have read the first seven books of the Wings of Fire series, because my kids love them so much. However, I could never quite get inside their dragon world as well as I wanted. Something about the anthropomorphism that gets me all in a haze of understanding. However, in this series, Contranaut Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02773343233006374719noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4294483679868452040.post-61753720136863731022024-01-14T16:15:00.002-05:002024-01-14T16:15:35.363-05:00Neurodivergence part 1There is a series called Divergent by Veronica Roth. It's not the most amazing series ever, there are things that could be developed more but it brings you along for the ride in a way that I, at least, identify with it. The society tries to pin each member into a faction that they identify with based on a test. Cue the personality tests, right? The protagonist however is split between two Contranaut Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02773343233006374719noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4294483679868452040.post-28518220234111306992024-01-04T19:09:00.003-05:002024-01-04T19:09:43.968-05:00Chicken encounters 1Tiger likes to spend her days poking at anything and everything. She will poke at all human feet, even as they are moving. She will peck at the floor, she will peck at the door, she will peck at an apple core. Tiger makes sure she will get the first special bit of food. She will trample her fellow hens to make sure she will for sure get that treat, or be the first to anything ever. The one Contranaut Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02773343233006374719noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4294483679868452040.post-42942619900282794572023-11-09T21:10:00.003-05:002023-11-09T21:10:50.702-05:00When in conflict I have decided its a pretty taxing thing to feel in conflict always with the church you belong to. To know that you have thought about things a lot and have researched and listened to others, and just cannot have the point of things that you once did, it's a bit brain fraying. I've been watching what the people say that are still devout and its interesting because I think they simplify the Contranaut Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02773343233006374719noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4294483679868452040.post-5395478884358632212023-11-07T19:00:00.001-05:002023-11-07T19:00:22.082-05:00High School selections I can never quite think of a great title, but alas, I want to write. I have been dealing with high school applications for my oldest, and it has been a huge process. It is because we live in the city of Cleveland and there are just so many different choices. There are so many public magnet schools and then there are the private schools, and then there are the charter schools, and last the Contranaut Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02773343233006374719noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4294483679868452040.post-59417608497231502842023-05-12T19:54:00.002-04:002023-05-12T19:54:29.980-04:00Mother's Day So much of me hates Mother's Day. It embodies memories of fighting with my own mom, burying my baby, taking a kid to the ER and just all these expectations. Somehow I feel like it would be nice to just be taken care of all day, but to actually get that where I am in life, that's not going to happen, at least not by the people around me. I am going to get a massage, and I am sure there are Contranaut Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02773343233006374719noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4294483679868452040.post-78172224946880560862023-01-05T11:28:00.002-05:002023-01-05T11:28:13.054-05:00Poem, 1.5 To feed, to clothe, to give a roof over one's head. Those are the basics. To be able to accept, hear, and understand. Those are the things that bring love. Somehow the latter is so much harder. Perhaps because we fight to still have the former. When will we learn. Contranaut Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02773343233006374719noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4294483679868452040.post-82437451689097570552022-12-04T10:34:00.001-05:002022-12-04T10:34:15.654-05:00Reconciling being made in the image One of my favorite songs by the Rocket Summer, "Just A Moment Forget Who You Are" has a line in it where it says, "Because who you are is perfect. You were made in the image of greatness." In Bryce Avery's only slightly subtle way, he is referencing that we as humans are made in the image of God. And taking that we are made in the image of God, that we made to be something that is all good Contranaut Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02773343233006374719noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4294483679868452040.post-57587726425144864412022-10-01T21:53:00.001-04:002022-10-01T21:53:56.878-04:00On the Fringe part 1If you know me, you know I read a lot. I think I have so far read close to 120 books this year, and that doesn't often include all the picture books and curriculum books for my kids. In my reading, I have been trying to discern where I belong. I can't seem to leave Jesus. I hate where stagnant Christianity is at, but I cannot throw Jesus and God out the window. I know for some this is necessary, Contranaut Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02773343233006374719noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4294483679868452040.post-85449192042271086622022-07-11T17:48:00.001-04:002022-07-11T17:48:41.288-04:00Reconstruct I think for so long I thought that if I just did all the things right I would be good and be in the good graces of others, but now I am so full of grey areas that perhaps all I can do is know God is always here and that I need to care for humanity in a way that is real and not an idealization of what is thought to be, or only a perspective that is relevant for me or people who are more wellContranaut Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02773343233006374719noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4294483679868452040.post-56625373152709335282022-05-23T21:51:00.004-04:002022-05-23T21:52:37.796-04:00The tree growsSometimes i get jealous of perfectly manicured lawns with weed protected flower beds and just the right sized bushes and trees. It seems like it would be nice to have it all under control. To know where this one bit is going and that nothing will surprise you or be a nuisance. Or even that things could be curated to be just the right manageable size. The thing is my yard is never like that. Contranaut Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02773343233006374719noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4294483679868452040.post-87642695170044989132022-03-29T21:47:00.005-04:002022-03-29T21:47:39.533-04:00It's not that I don't love you It's not that I don't love you, that I have to go away.It's more that I do, because we didn't know how to play.This game of changing roles, to be a supportive friend.You couldn't be that for me, and I tried so hard to bend.To be what you needed me to be, but that wasn't me at all.Instead it often made me curl up into a ball.I'm learning that I need to know I'm okay.And that for now that Contranaut Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02773343233006374719noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4294483679868452040.post-70258698805923188772022-03-29T21:41:00.003-04:002022-03-29T21:41:59.272-04:00CompassionAfter reading The Return of the Prodigal Son by Henri Nouwen, I am renewed in my understanding of who God is and who he is not. One large take away from Nouwen is how he says that God's only authority is his compassion. It's almost a double take. How does a God, the maker of the world only rule by compassion. Compassion is love and grace and mercy. And these are God in actuality. But what is Contranaut Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02773343233006374719noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4294483679868452040.post-41806377742363030162021-12-06T11:20:00.000-05:002021-12-06T11:20:06.832-05:00ConfessionI have a confession to make. I am trying to figure out how to feel about confession. Part of me knows that I am super hard and scrupulous on myself and I am trying to reconcile what that means when it comes to confession. Is what I did actually a sin? Do I need to actually go? Why is going so stressed? Are we all supposed to be so scrupulous? Are most people not this way? Do most people Contranaut Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02773343233006374719noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4294483679868452040.post-31679814421319384642021-11-30T19:09:00.001-05:002021-11-30T19:09:23.750-05:00Different from what you expect I remember telling myself a story about being left out. Years ago, I saw a social media post of a friend and many mutual friends getting together and i had FOMO and all of a sudden felt excluded. I had rationalized that I had said something that had this person pull away, as another encounter she was distant too. So i first texted her and she had no idea why I was upset. She had her Contranaut Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02773343233006374719noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4294483679868452040.post-49075192801196632982021-10-06T08:21:00.002-04:002021-10-06T08:21:53.232-04:00As I lay here I was sitting in bed trying to sleep just a little longer this morning, but my head decided to wander in thought, so I thought I should get it out. It went from first how divergent in character I am, to how I would not survive an internment camp to how there are so many at the border that are living this internment camp life daily. To I wonder if there is an authority that lets human Contranaut Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02773343233006374719noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4294483679868452040.post-61100654796416995492021-09-17T14:57:00.005-04:002021-09-17T14:57:57.557-04:00This pandemicThe pandemic is still happening. Its been interesting living in a pandemic. I birthed a baby in a pandemic, I helped start local recycling iniatives in this pandemic. I taught my kids in this pandemic. Life has gone on around us and yet its been drastically different in some ways too. Nature is always growing and cycling and adapting to whatever comes its way. Beautiful flowers can grow in Contranaut Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02773343233006374719noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4294483679868452040.post-63603002186625877342021-09-16T22:16:00.001-04:002021-09-16T22:16:49.124-04:00Not an authority I have struggled to write anything in the past year. I think perhaps its mental fog, my normalcy was no longer there and everything just jumbled up. But also I realize more and more as I get older how I am not the know it all authority that I thought I once was in my early twenties. Perhaps this leads to more compassion for others in different situations, at least i hope. And also I've beenContranaut Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02773343233006374719noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4294483679868452040.post-76242418859975016892021-04-23T21:05:00.003-04:002021-04-23T21:05:43.988-04:00Birth Story I absolutely wanted to write down Oscar's birth story. But I haven't been able to because we had a high needs baby that would not let me sit down to type at all. Honestly I was often terrified to pick up the phone, because it was going to end in a breakdown. Walks weren't even peaceful because somehow they just wouldn't work for little O. But we have gotten some treatment and fixed a tongueContranaut Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02773343233006374719noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4294483679868452040.post-68186630848948883102021-04-11T17:14:00.000-04:002021-04-11T17:14:46.460-04:00Coping with what is Five kids is actually hard. I love them all, and I wouldn't not have them, but this period of taking care of a baby with four bigger kids is hard. Maybe some are better suited than me at this. Maybe they can take it all in stride, but some days are a struggle. And mostly I am coping and making it through, but it is tiring. And perhaps this is redemptive suffering, and perhaps this is how I Contranaut Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02773343233006374719noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4294483679868452040.post-28962063240615660022021-04-03T10:32:00.001-04:002021-04-03T10:32:02.065-04:00Baby memoriesTrying to remember bits of a 5th baby's life: Early Oscar memories: You started mimic smiling at 4 weeks old and now you like to greet if each morning with a few. At 5 weeks old you rolled from back to belly trying to get to me to nurse. Your mama was amazed. You really seem to like to listen to music, especially Jack's Mannequin and The Rocket SummerYou like to be in Contranaut Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02773343233006374719noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4294483679868452040.post-85548778588521474342021-02-19T19:49:00.005-05:002021-02-19T19:49:59.508-05:00Statistics aren't helping meIt's been a strange week, as I am now overdue. There was a death from covid and a wedding announcement and tons of snow all in one week. Statistically my head says this should already be over, and yet I am not. I am still miserable and huge and waiting. Part of me thinks that I am not allowed to have these nice things, that perhaps because I have taken steps towards healing myself, that somehow IContranaut Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02773343233006374719noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4294483679868452040.post-19689386436608240962021-01-21T06:48:00.002-05:002021-01-21T06:48:37.309-05:00Delight I did the word generator of the year mini program from Jennifer Fulweiler and got the word delight. I mostly passed it off when I got it. I didn't think much about it except that it was a good sentiment. That sure I could be a bit better at delighting in things. And then I had a nightmare and woke up sobbing in grief. That grief had me realizing how much I've conditioned myself not to Contranaut Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02773343233006374719noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4294483679868452040.post-47091931537361766002020-12-14T08:54:00.003-05:002020-12-14T08:58:31.400-05:00Some more contemplation I have been awake for over an hour, earlier than I usually awake. But that happens sometimes in this state in my life. Because I am awake, I have been trying to understand a differing opinion than my own that I heard the other day. It may have just been yesterday, I honestly don't have the greatest concept of time in pandemic life. So here it goes anyway.A person stated that their spiritualContranaut Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02773343233006374719noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4294483679868452040.post-31961009463597534642020-11-17T09:02:00.000-05:002020-11-17T09:02:06.209-05:00How do you reconcile? I am not sure why Americans are so set on individualism and being right. Perhaps its our founding fathers, or the pioneers that were imperialists that saw those there before them as uncivilized instead of different. That somehow its still so highly prevalent in society to have non-collectivist thoughts. That we say we want to protect the most vulnerable and the supposed truly religious willContranaut Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02773343233006374719noreply@blogger.com0