Memories

Yesterday, it was a day that had its ups and downs.  I think somewhere in there, I realized that when there are certain things that are problems outside my control I get frustrated and usually have some of my not so fine moments. Yesterday, had some of those moments and also some growing bits amongst them too.  You see, my husband was supposed to be home before bedtime, maybe not in time for dinner, he had a haircut after work after all, but he was supposed to be home for the kids bedtime.  Yesterday, however, there was a lot of snow in his travels which caused an accident on the highway and made everything be at a standstill for a good hour or more.  Needless to say, he didn't make it in time for bedtime.

I have gotten better at solo bedtime with three, I used to have to call in reinforcements to help out with two and I'm not sure how three is easier than two in that retrospect, but it is for me. I'm finally to the point that I can do it and I don't lose my head.  The not losing my head thing probably helps everyone have a smoother bedtime, at least maybe. So, anyway, when it was nearing 7pm and the husband was still stuck on the highway, I figured I would be doing solo bedtime.

The thing is that I knew today was going to be a big day, and I was going to be out of the house for most of it which meant that I wasn't going to get Helena's birthday cake made unless I did it right then, at 7pm, past the baby's bedtime. So, we made chocolate beet cake, yes I know I'm weird adding beets to cake and all, right then.  A thought crossed my mind that this would be so much easier if everyone was in bed and I was doing this myself, but then I realized this is okay.  This is what I need and this is what the kids are going to remember...making the littlest one's 1st birthday cake at bedtime while daddy was stuck on the highway.

And believe me the whole time we were making it, they enjoyed it but they were also super concerned about their daddy.  They love him so much, they prayed for him to be unstuck, they thought that we should add a snow plow to our van and go rescue him or add a chain and pull him out. When they realized it was just not snow and that there was an accident and that other people were involved, the boys thought to add the people in the accident to their prayers too. They wondered if they needed an ambulance and if they were going to be okay.  I said I hoped so, and that I was sure the people appreciated the kids' prayers.

So eventually we got to bed, Ephraim fell asleep in our bed with the baby and Ben in his bed.  The boys made me read the story of Jonah, and I had to improvise a little because, well, the baby was barely hanging on at this point, but we made through, and I'm glad.  You see I'm realizing that sometimes in these moments where I'm wishing things were easier, I'm missing the good bits if I forget to notice them.  The end of the day was a good reflection point but also if I look back to another point in the day where I was trying to put back together the couch with its slip cover and realizing I wasn't getting anywhere with the kids jumping and or screaming all around me. I just had to stop at that point, it was hard to let go of what i wanted to happen, having an intact couch, but it meant that I just was going to have to stop and be present...in the mess...in the chaos. When I let go of my expectation, everyone, including me was happier, the couch did eventually get put back together, but not for a few more hours. Anyway, sometimes, my head thinks things have to be just so, and while a clean house or kids put to bed on time are nice,  I think I am realizing through this that its okay to break the mold and just be. Perhaps I just need to throw in the towel more in a good way and have more of these moments.

These giants are attacking my car, maybe if I smile at them they will be friendly.