First Day

We arrived! It's a pleasant little neighborhood in Indy that reminds me of a more modest East Nashville by the chocolate factory,  Olive and Sinclair.
After settling in we made a trek around the neighborhood in the 90+ degree heat.  Though,  honestly we weren't the only ones out walking.  I love to see people walking and enjoying outside.  So it's good to be in another place where this happens,  despite the weather. 
We saw the library branch and the local Catholic church and the playground too. 
We ended up at a vegetarian restaurant for dinner and everyone enjoyed their meals.  It was called Three Carrots, the waitress we had was great and has a gracious demeanor with our family.  I look forward to more delicious food here and can't wait to see what tomorrow has in store. 

Three Favorite Free Parks for kids in the Greater Cleveland Area

I am sure this list exists in a different way, but after visiting a lot of parks in the last 8 years, I am adding my two cents about my favorite parks in the greater Cleveland area. So here goes:

1. Lakewood Park: This place, located in Lakewood, OH is everything you need in a park.  A shaded giant playground. Pavilions and picnic tables for eating. Trails for walking. A pool, with a fee, for swimming. Trees for climbing. A beautiful lake view. A baseball diamond, a volleyball court, and a stage for outdoor community events. It's even got concessions during the summer if you forget to bring food with you. It's gorgeous and I love every minute I spend here.  The one tiny downfall is that they lack a changing table inside the restrooms, not sure how this was skipped or if I've just never found it.

Bonus beautiful views of downtown Cleveland.

2. Tony Brush Park - This park is located in the heart of Little Italy in Cleveland, there is always people there and its got some of the best slides around.  I am almost terrified of the height of them, but they are thrilling for the kids.  It has a great view of nearby train tracks for those who love a good cargo or commuter train. My favorite time to visit this park is during the Feast of the Assumption because it gives my kids a chance to blow off some steam for free instead of paying for them to be entertained on fair-type rides.

Photo Credit: tripadvisor.com 

3. Penitentiary Glen - While this park is probably the furthest from the center of Cleveland, located in Kirkland, OH it was well worth a visit for my crew.  There are trails for those that that love trails and a nature center for the cold and/or rainy days, but the children's exploration garden is top notch and the staff running it are wonderful. The exploration garden is extensive and ranges from sand and water play, to catch and releasing tadpoles, a wooden playhouse, a field for running, tunnels and more. One bonus is that the rules of the garden are clearly posted and to me that helps my crew know what is expected of them.  Another great thing about this place is that during the month of December they host a life sized Candyland, which is great for the kindergarten and pre-school crowd.

I hope to highlight three more great parks next time I write. Until then, take care!

Wholeness of vision

I think in my social media circles, there have been a lot of recent book releases.  I am sure all of them are excellent books, why else would they be being published.  The one that has been sticking in my mind lately and my amazing husband snagged me a copy for Mother's Day is One Beautiful Dream by Jennifer Fulwiler.  I'm almost 80 pages in and I just started it in the quiet moments of today.  It's been a wonderful read so far and I anticipate good things to come.

One thing that has stood out to me in reading the book so far, that has made me think about just where I am in life is the concept of wholeness of vision.  It's something I realize I can struggle with immensely, especially in the hard day to day, where I am just trying to get a kid to finish their school work or get a meal on the table.  It would be nice to think about instead how perhaps in the bigger realm of things this work, though a struggle for the kid to do is something that is going to help them to learn discipline and perserverance, the meal that I am creating is helping me to see that I can nourish the people entrusted to me with good food.

A stumbling block I have been thinking about lately, since a return of fertility this last month, is in thinking about more children. I do know that currently I am still in a state where my baby, to me, is pretty small and I don't feel capable to take on another just yet. However, in less than my ideal timing for a baby, if God decided else wise or I blurred the lines of NFP, after grumbling a bit,  I would hope with grace I'd rise to the occasion of caring for another soul entrusted to me.

Perhaps that's part of who I am, the grumbling part.  The one that takes a while to accept a gift given to her. That needs to know where to put said gift into said spot of the timeline of life. That sometimes grumbles thinking about the struggles of the throbbing varicose veins, and swollen limbs that make it hard to walk, the extreme heartburn that makes it hard to eat or sleep, instead of seeing the gift in hand through it all. It's easy for me to get stuck looking at the trees instead of the forest, the wholeness of vision.

With Stella, I have seen a lot more of how those phases of difficulty with a baby are just phases and in some ways can be enjoyed more than dreaded.  Yes, there will be weeks with little sleep but there will also be moments with such great joy. Perhaps that makes me look at her and realize what a gift she is, but also that its okay to maybe someday have another baby, God willing. And in this moment, I also have learned more of how much every moment with a baby either inside or out is a gift and I can't control how long I get with whomever I'm given. I can only control me, and my approach to a situation.

Today on mother's day there was a calmness in the chaos, there was a point where Keith and I were both reading separate books post dinner and the children were playing all around the yard or in the house. I paused for a moment and the fullness of life astounded me. Each baby I brought into this world had some struggle, and the parenting of them hasn't always been easy.  But they are beautiful souls and beings and we are team Kurak and we can do this life thing together.

So maybe I am realizing that I do need to step back and see the forest for the trees more, a wholeness of vision may it be. With that peace there that Jesus is always sharing in my life with me every step of the way, perhaps, the next round of this some day won't be so bad.

May flowers

The winter was so very long this year.  It was very cold almost until the end of April. My kids because of that still think the snow is going to come back. They are however,  thoroughly enjoying the 70 degree temperatures now that its been consistently warmer.

May makes me think of flowers and this year especially I have noticed the transformation.  We started out the month giving out May Day flowers,  because its my favorite under-celebrated holiday.  It's so much fun to bring a little cheer to your neighbors with a flower or two. 

And then we got to stand up as godparents for a dear little boy,  who if its parents had our way would be betrothed to Stella already.  I may have flashed the lady sitting diagonally in front of me while trying to nurse Stella in the pew with a light blanket over her,  when she totally wasn't having any bit of the cover.  But we got through it. And I remember the priest's footwear of Birkenstock sandals above most every thing else,  but it was a good day.  We even were abtable to do a quick trip to give flowers to our special ones graves at tge cemetery one the way back.

This week has been extra busy with activities.  Last week of teaching the high schoolers,  last week of Destination Imagination with extra practices,  a park date,  a end of school year part,  a museum field trip, a ladies paint night at the local coffee shop,  a soccer game,  two soccer practices and then our final DI play performance.  I cringed coming into this week because I knew it would be a lot.  I think the only thing getting me through this week is a whole lot of grace which is helping me to remember that each moment is a moment to be in and not to rush through or dread. 

My favorite moments have oddly been in the car with all the kids.  Either they have been arguing all together and I just smile at the chaos, or I introduce them to a silly song on an old album that I love and they love it too, or them cheering me on as we navigate heavy traffic. 

And so Saturday will be a little hard,  it's my 2 year loss date,  Sunday also a little hard because its mother's day.  But I know that the last two years have been filled with a lot of growing pains and I'm a bit more velveteen than I was before,  and I think that's okay.  And one day the reunion in heaven will be epic.  :)

Musings

A lot of time I think about writing things on here, a lot of them become too personal to share on the internet.  Post conversation over the Easter break with a friend I've been thinking about what I actually share on the internet.  At times it helps to share things to be authentic.  At times those things of authenticity can hurt another or are something that by sharing are just passive aggressive thoughts that by blasting them into cyberspace makes us feel better.  And I've done both of these things.  Other times they are those of self discovery or describing life's experiences, a way of journaling.

I've been noticing that I am prone to jealousy or feeling left out. In reality it makes no sense, the fact that one can only interact with some many people in one's life, I should really be content with interacting with the people I really can interact with, versus the illusive person that is a friend of a friend on the internet.  At times though, I just want to know.  To know what another is up to, and be in the know. Maybe it stems from not being completely filled in my day to day relationships. Maybe its just me letting my human weakness dictate how I interact with others.

Whatever it is, it has me thinking. Am I sharing this to feel better about myself at the expense of another?  Is this something I should just talk to one person about? Am I lacking something right now that I need to fill up with time with reflecting with myself and God? These are things that I am pondering and realizing a lot of times I'm stuck in what to do. And maybe that's not the best place to be, stuck. Perhaps, I have to learn to still think for myself to really and truly own who I am. I want to be able to write something and not be worried that it will offend another or have it be me wanting to gain popularity.

I pray that I'll get better at this discernment as I recognized God's grace and grow along the way. Perhaps I should stick to what I know, but really I'm not sure if I know anything all that well. Am I really an expert?  I guess what I can do is offer my perspective of where I am at in life.  And this is it. This is where I am. I am a child of God. I am a married woman. I have 4 living children and two in heaven. I homeschool my kids and I teach a class on the side to high schoolers. I lead a Destination Imagination group for my kids and three other families. I take part in leading our local Blessed Is She group and try to maintain its Facebook page.  I knit sometimes and binge read a lot.  I enjoy food tv shows and those that highlight culture and I am a sucker for a good teenage Disney channel like show. I like happy endings and things that show the beauty of life. I enjoy being outside but am terrified of snakes and ticks. I like walking places and hate cars, using them only as a necessity.

I'm sure there is a lot more to me, but this what I know right now. I want to grow in who I am, to truly  be able to say this is me and mean it. Perhaps I won't be comfortable in my own shoes until heaven.  But I hope my journey towards heaven inches me closer. And I think I'll just leave it at that for today.

A day

Today we started in a different state across the Ohio river in the bordering town of Covington,  KY. We were staying in a row house airbnb, and it was a fun old house with some modernized bits to it.  The children appreciated that it had two sets of stairs so they could make a stair loop.  Honestly,  child me loved any house with Butlers stairs because it just felt like you could explore more and pretend more with them.  And I'm pretty sure it was a slim amount of time I came into contact with them as a kid and yet they still made an impact on me,  so perhaps this rental was fulfilling my inner child as well. 

I noticed on the way in last night that we were within walking distance from a gorgeous cathedral, one I had wanted to visit when we had stayed in Cincinnati area last summer but it didn't work out.  So we looked up the daily mass time and went this morning.  The tabernacle alone was worth the early morning waking for mass.  I always have good intentions to be a more regular daily mass goer,  but rarely am.  I blame it on the kids,  but really I'm someone that likes to sleep in on a regular basis to 8am, and that means I miss most daily masses.  Today, though we made it,  all six of us.

We then traveled across the river and dropped the husband off to work and then went to the Firefighter museum. It was small but we were refreshed in our fire safety,  learned some history and the kids got to play in the cab of a modern day fire engine, so I'd call it a win for the $8.25 total for the admission of all of us.

After that we walked the three blocks to Washington park,  the kids remember this place super fondly so they played in the park playground for a bit and then we wandered over to get soft pretzels from Bretzel nearby. We then wandered back to our car and headed up to Findlay market for some more nutrient dense lunch.  The kids chose carrots,  pepperoni and cheese for lunch.  I had cashew chicken salad.  All was satisfying.

We then said goodbye to our favorite away from home city and started our drive home.  It was a long drive as we got stuck in Columbus with a wrong turn and some accidents of other drivers but we made it finally home.  And its good to be home,  on the complete opposite side of the state from where we started.  To be home, a glorious thing,  even if travel is good.  Its good to come home and know that its where you can be you faults and all. 

So with the children bathed and in bed,  I bid you goodnight.  Goodnight.  I hope the sense of home warms your soul tonight.

Stella, you are one!

Dear Stella,

You are one baby girl. We made it through the first year together. I am still so glad you are here.  I love how you watch and explore quietly and have decided to do things in your own time. You have thrown me for a loop so many times in your first year, but I think that it's been good for me, God knew I needed a you.

You currently love to climb stairs and would do it all day long if you allowed.  Walking hasn't come yet, but that doesn't stop you from being super quick on your knees and palms. You are a bit of a daredevil at times and its probably something you have in common with your older brother Ephraim, who is extremely good at testing the limits on things for his advantage.

You are loved deeply by your siblings.  One of my favorite things has been to see how your siblings love on you.  While they may get annoyed slightly here and there with you stealing their toy or messing with their game, they cheer you on in each new thing.  Every new ability is a cause for celebration and they just sing your praises to no end.  Baby girl, you are loved.

You love to be cuddled and have a mama right near. You are greatly weary of strangers if they try to hold you or pick you up. Sometimes you get scared if you are too far away from someone you trust and you still aren't the greatest fan of the car, but you tolerate it much more now and sometimes will even take a nap in it.

You love playing with cup and bowls and things that can go inside of cups and bowls.  You are excellent at tearing pages of books and unfortunately a few library books have fallen prey to your habits. You enjoy being held by your mama especially in the sling so you can safely look out on the world and experience things close to your life source.

You are calmed by walks and sometimes will only fall asleep when out on one.  You aren't the greatest of nappers some days but you seem to enjoy sleep at night as long as you are cuddled, and for that we are thankful. You are so sweet in so many ways and we can't wait to see what your second year has in store for you.

Happy Birthday, Stella girl!

Love,
Your Mama