life

Since Keith's plane is delayed 30 minutes, I am gonna post here. First of all, I was not happy to be back. Because I know more and more that what I am doing presently is not what I feel called to do for the rest of my life. I am trying to discern that still. Many times on vacation, I was asked what do you do, what do you want to do with your degree. I have come up with the answer that I want to teach, though I am not sure that they understand that it probably won't be chemistry unless I have to. I would much rather help people with other things than teach chemistry. I did a spiritual gift test, and it was kinda funny, because you can see how things are gonna turn out like half way through. I knew I was gonna get the missionary gift. I have been told before that I have a missionary spirit. I think that is true. I love helping people that need me and that are not like me. I love helping others to understand God better and to just help with them with everyday things. Sometimes I think maybe i get in the way, but hopefully not too much. The other thing I got is Faith, which means trusting in God for everything. I hope this is true, but sometimes I let my selfishness get in the way. I can be quite a brat sometimes. And a little impatient. I kinda think that I want to work with women teaching them something sciency. There was an article in the Heifer Int. magazine, and it talked about a huge need for women to be involved in the development of clean water systems in developing countries. This would be a cool thing to do. Because this would unite two passions redeeming true womanhood and helping others in an environmental way. I think it would be cool. Anyway, that is all. I can't think too well right now due to lack of good sleep.

educated =liberal ? I don't think so

Click on the title to read the article referenced in this post.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080521/ap_on_el_pr/campaign_exit_poll


The author of this article seems to think that in order to be educated, one be a liberal. I beg to differ. If one was truly educated on truth, then they wouldn't be liberal at all. They would understand true tolerance, as described in a previous post.

Also even if you are uneducated, that doesn't mean you are a racist, as the author seems to imply as well. Yeah, so why are the bible belters voting for the democrats anyway? Oh right, I forgot that whole abortion issue isn't a big deal to them anymore. Hmm, the dignity of each human from conceptionforgotten (at least everywhere else but Colorado, go them for proposing a well supported ammendment!). Well, I will continue to pray.

honestly, I need to be me

So I have decided that I have become way too obsessed with the fact that people don't like the changes I have made in my life. Well too bad, get over it. I like being me, and I am happy being me. And enough is enough.
Today my arm hurts alot. Probably because I decided to vacuum and lift many heavy objects dig a few holes. and then carry a suitcase a good half mile or so. Fun stuff. I guess that I haven't explained why my arm should hurt abnormally. You see I managed to break my arm in the fall due to not knowing the proper way of falling. My husband is however, great at falling, so he dives all the time without a scratch. Anyway, since breaking my elbow in the fall, I have now in the spring discovered that my arm once again is acting up. So I went to see a doctor, they were like yeah you have a piece of your bone in your elbow joint that is causing you pain. So eventually when the insurance decides that it ok I will get an MRI and then probably have some sort of surgery to get the fragment out. So maybe, just maybe I can have a non-hurt arm again. In the mean time, I will try to attempt doing things as a lefty when it comes to the heavy lifting and the vacuuming and even trying to start the lawn mower, which I totally cannot do anymore, grr.

Anyway, I had a good conversation with a friend last night about the line between helping and hurting someone by calling them out on something. This is a very hard line to stay on the helping side. At least for me because I observe things a lot. I observe people and read about the habits of people, so sometimes I want to be like can't you just learn to do this. Why can't you see that this is harming you. It becomes a crazy mess. Sometimes by pointing out the behavior in the way I do, I actually enable it. Other times, I just lecture the person till they feel bad about their behavior, but they don't know how to fix it, or to please me. But that totally misses the point. The point is that Jesus charges me to help people. And sometimes my human ways just hurt. Because most of the time the person needs to figure it out their self, because their own conscience needs to be convicted. They need to see the harm or the destruction. The pain that comes of it. If they don't see it they aren't gonna change. They are gonna think well thats nice and keep doing the same thing. I think really I have learned that most of the time, and I'm still learning this, that people just want you to listen to them. Only give advice when they ask for it. I have the tendency to have the know-it-all personality, so I want to put my two cents in constantly. Its a struggle to sit back and listen. But God wants me to do that and to be there for people when they need it.

My friend said for her she wants people to do as she would in a situation or with a certain issue. We concluded this was natural, and at times only due to what our preferences in life are. We forget that Jesus loved everybody. So it is a daily struggle to help and not harm. I mean I did it today. I sometimes think it crazy that my advisor's wife lives a good 15 hours away. But my co-worker reminded me that not everyone needs to have people surrounding them like I do. It made me think of those people that have to deal with their spouse being away due to military duty. I don't think I could do it, I mean maybe I could with God's help, but I think I would have to find a good group of friends to have companionship around me.

Anyway, I am glad that I am choosing to do youth ministry. I think it will help me to not judge, but to help, and sometimes to just listen. :)

Absolutely Brilliant!!! I kinda wish this was told to me when I was younger.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c800q53nysw&NR=1

how did I change really?

From college till now.

1.) I don't hate men.
2.) I understand more of who I am and what God intends of me.
3.) I speak up more about what I believe in.
4.) I actually go out and help people.
5.) I actually like church.
6.) I finally feel at home at church instead of being at a rock show or wierded out.
7.) I actually am in check with my pattern sins and trying to do something about them.
8.) I like a sense of stability and understand what it is be part of something bigger than me.
9.) I am more outspoken.
10.)I have looked into issues and have decided where I stand on them.
11.)I like trains. :)
12.)I enjoy watching baseball more than before, though I did go to games before in college.

what didnt change

1.) I still like soccer.
2.) I still like tennis
3.) I still want to help others.
4.) I still don't smoke.
5.) I still don't swear.
6.) I still don't drink excessively.
7.) I still want to be a missionary.
8.) I still am fascinated with other cultures.
9.) I still like traveling
10.)I still am conservative in the way I dress.
11.)I still read my bible daily.
12.)I still read books a lot.
13.)I still like to go outside for a good run when frustrated.
14.)I still like practical gifts.
15.)I still love emo music, and other various genres.
16.)I still like kermit the frog.
17.)I still like getting A's on things.
18.)I still like languages.
19.)I still like to watch video games and not play them so much.
20.)I still like art a lot.
21.)I still like architecture a lot and am quite fascinated with buildings.
22.)I still love saving the environment and recycling every chance I get.
23.)I still love silly B romantic comedies that make me smile and escape from reality.
24.)I still dress in my nerd punk surfer style.
25.)I still like being outside for good walks in the park.
26.)I still believe in Jesus as my savior.
27.)I still believe in a trinitarian God.
28.)I still go to church every Sunday not out of guilt or routine.
29.)I still enjoy acting like a kid to enjoy the little things in life.
30.)I still can be obsessive about blogging and being online.

I could go on for a while, but I am gonna stop. I think I am still me by and large, maybe just a little more defined me who isn't afraid to stand up for what she believes.

Conversion Part Deux

So in light that I never finish anything that I start on here. I think I am actually going to try this time, at least get part 2 down.

So recap, read about Catholics unknowingly, visited a Catholic Cathedral due to the beauty of its architecture, was contemplating the showiness of my current church, and I had spent the summers working with quite a few Catholics.

1.) Going back to working at HP, we had a lot of Polish and foreign students. I remember that not to say this was me, but simply a God thing, but since God was making me stronger in my faith after that first summer of college of being disoriented and falling. I had a revival in my faith, and I guess that came out. I remember hearing about the Polish and Slavakians coming back from mass on Sunday and being all excited about it. I think I thought to myself that I was like, well I guess that being in a former communist country would make you mighty happy about going to church, even though at the time it was odd to me because they were Catholic. But I thought, well Americans are lazy, and are disengaged about who Jesus is. To really be excited about it. And also I remember them saying it was the same mass as it was at home. I thought that was odd. I remember M telling me that this had to be really boring, and probably was why people were disengaged. ??? I also remember M telling me to date MF even though I remember saying he was a Catholic, maybe M thought he could be converted?

2.) Now to the defining class. NT Spring 2005. I took this class specifically as a senior for two reasons. It was going to be easy, and it would help me to exit the Union bubble, really understanding the meat behind my beliefs. Dr. VN was a compelling teacher who forced me to think. I took my daily responses very seriously. I tried to grasp all the things taught in that class, because it was who I was as a Christian. There was ideas about the authority of the church that really hit me. He expressed his ideals that the church should have more authority than it did. Maybe even to say that it should have its own judicial system, as it seemed to lack that presently within the baptist church. He also emphasized the importance of community and how if you weren't an active member in a church then you were missing out in part of God's graces. With scripture he emphasized that there was only one interpretation of it but many applications for it. And lastly, he emphasized communion, because this was something that was important enough to do every Sunday at least. I need to remember why he thought it so important but yeah got me thinking, why the heck do us presbys and non-denoms only do it when we feel like it?

3.) Nothing against my family, I absolutely love them, with all their quirks and insecurities, and graces God blesses them with. However, generations have emphasized an anti-Catholic theme in our extended family. I believe it all is based off of misinformation and fear of the unknown. So one aunt and uncle and cousins are Greek Orthodox, and they are kind of thought odd to the rest of our family. After really interacting with a true Greek young woman, I have learned that their behavior makes sense. Its a totally different culture, sometimes very hard to understand within my ideal of less is better. But there mannerisms were nothing against us, that is just them. Their culture is a big part of their life. And so what I want to say with this is that the rest of my family thinks this particular family is Catholic. I guess in the greater sense they are pretty close to it, but if you ask a Greek Orthodox person if they are Catholic and they will say they are Greek not Catholic in the Roman rite (what most American Catholics are, and a good portion of other places as well.) But yes, so this family is the representation of Catholics to my immediate family, they judge as all of us do, their faults many, but they are still people. But yeah, took a while to get this generalization that all Catholics are lapse Catholics. Not true at all.

Re-evaluate it all

First on a side note, I didn't get rid of facebook. I did however decide to use it as something more personal than I was. I decided that I would use it for more email like purposes and really seeing how friends were instead of just playing stalker.

Now to the main event. I came into the Catholic church last Easter, for the past two months, I have been thinking about that decision, trying to figure out where I have grown, what I need to work on still ( a lot) but really it came about from a classmate telling another that I became Catholic because of my now husband. As God is probably the only one that truly gets it, seeds were planted long before that.

1.)
Some of the first seeds, was that I decided to read a book by the famous protestant author, Philip Yancy. In this book he described how his faith had survived the church. Why would his faith have to survive the church, what was so wrong with it, why was it so unsatisfying? Well I know I was a disgruntled protestant with the church at the time. I could see so many hypocritical things about it. Like selectivity, or simple dissagreements leading to splits. But looking at this book again, I found something interesting, about half of these people that this guy found influential were Catholic, though I didn't know that at the time. People like Chesterson and Henri Nouwen were among a few of them. It now amazes me that this guy that was well known protestant had many Catholic influences and wasn't afraid to mention them. I think of how I grew up, how most protestants grow up, being anti-Catholic, because Catholics to us are the worst representations of Christians, they think that they can sin as much as then want and then go to church on Sunday or confession and be fine. And really a protestant as I was really could not understand what the deal with confession was, why some guy could forgive your sins.

2.) I took this class called Arts in Western Civilization with a sculpture artist, so passionate about what he did. He taught us about art, about how art showed what our culture held dear to our hearts, whether it be food, wealth, God, or in todays society pornography. He ultimately concluded that art was for God. This made me wonder what a lack of art there was in the churches I had known. I mean sure we had stained glass windows with scenes on them. But where were the paintings, the scenes showing the love of God, the acts of the apostles, the power of God, the grace of God. In protestant churches there is little of this, and to me this was sad. I was told by him that the St. Louis Cathedral was a place of worship that was so beautiful that it was a must see. He something along the manner of that if you can't worship there with all this beauty leading towards God, then I don't know where you can worship. And when I went to see it was beautiful, though believe me I felt very odd being there, because it was so grand, and a little overwhelming being that there were many things around that were foreign to me.

3.) A friend ES, made me think in my junior year about how church should not be a show. She said that she felt like the church I was going to her was leaning that way, to be a show. Something that they were proclaiming themselves more than God. This made me think, in someways it was true. Granted to have a beautiful voice and use it for God is not a bad thing, but to treat it like a stage was another thing. I remember, as I used this example earlier, how when I went to a Nashville baptist church a similar feeling was felt, that it was a show, and in this case a rock concert. The message was so simplified that I felt so disengaged. So ES made me think twice about production of things versus truth being preached.

4.)I worked at Hershey Park around a lot of Catholics. Some went to Catholic school and took their faith seriously, others while they had strong values, were disengaged from being part of the body of believers. It was an interesting mix. However, one person, MF, helped me to realize that Catholics did have more values than what I was taught, they did respect their families, and women more than I sometimes felt in my upbringing, though this was due to my own skewed view.


And I will stop now for a moment, because it is podcasting time. Pray that I make a point.