The melancholic child

Dude, I hate that I say that Ephraim is a hard baby, this doesn't make him a bad child.  But yes for me he has been a hard baby.  We just differ in who we are and its been a learning curve over the last 15 months.  I've learned through the book The Temperament that God Gave Your Children that I am of the choleric temperament, while Ephraim is of the melancholic temperament. It's not that melancholic is hard in itself.  It's just another temperament after all.  But its weird because my first kid had the same temperament as me we just gelled a little more.  I could push him where he needed to be pushed and such.  Ephraim just has his own timing, and cannot be pushed.  This comes in play with things like being away from mama, or needing to be nursed still in certain situations, or pinning down a bedtime.

I think though its good that I'm learning this point of information about him though (that sounds so scientist-like to say, weird).  I hope to be more understanding of who he is as a person because of it.  I hope that he and I can fight each other less and maybe when he's a teenager he won't crawl in a hole and never come out because he's become so isolated and introverted from me pushing him too much.

It's a hard thing to not be able to parent the same for each child, but then again if we were all the same life would be so boring.

What I Wore Sunday, the it's freezing outside edition.

It's time for another...

It was super cold this Sunday, so the object today was to dress warmly in layers! It seriously dropped about 30 degrees in less than 24 hours.  Yesterday a coat wasn't necessary but today I wanted at least 2 of them on me with the cold, cold wind outside!

So here is the outfit:

The outfit

Crazy Hair: due to wearing a hat

Necklace: no idea!

Sweater: from a clothing swap, originally from Gap

Undershirt: American apparel but probably from Marshall's since I don't think I've ever shopped at an actual American apparel store.

Skirt: my mom gave it to me as a skirt to get through pregnancies, but apparently I wear it outside of its intended use, its super comfy and warm on these super cold days. 

Tights: Sam's Club, you can't see them but they were needed with the cold day in the layering process

Boots: Target 

And here are the munchkins and I leaving mass, my husband took this picture as a Four Square checkin marking, I liked the picture so I thought I would share.  The kiddos are getting so big!  I feel like we are in a weird transitional phase with family where we now have two toddlers instead of a baby anymore. Though one toddler is in the constant destructo phase and the other yelling at him for destroying everything.  Oh life is interesting at least everyday.

Check out more fashionable mass outfits at Fine Linen and Purple. 

Thoughts about where I am

Gah. I hate opening my heart on the internet, because I never know how its going to be taken.  I mean I blog, so I should be used to it. I've been holding out a lot lately, but if you read my resolutions for 2013, one of them was to own who I am.  And if I forgot to post that particular resolution, well I am following it anyway.

So really 2012 was filled with learning about me, in ways I must have crumpled into a ball and just shoved into a corner for a long time.  My shortcomings and fears and anxieties came out.  I spent the year feeling incompetent, wanting to scream and fearing that I would never sleep well again.

A lot of these things came from being a parent of 2 kiddos under 3.  It's just hard man, and I just have to admit it.  Figuring out naps and bedtime was a big challenge and then shutting my brain off to actually sleep was even more of a challenge.  Because for me when I don't sleep well, which happened a lot this past year because of giving birth to a rough sleeper in late 2011, I get more and more anxious about my lack of sleep.

And then on top of that, a lot of thoughts were taken into account of what to do with child spacing during the latter half of the year.  I wanted to trust God more than I think I was willing to do.  Though I tell myself that I am better off that I don't do anything against God's will like contracepting, but I'm still a sinner and even with NFP I don't trust him enough to know that he will take care of me and knows what I can handle. I need to do more trusting, another resolution for 2013.

So basically the last few months have been a trying time of learning to trust God more. I get fearful of what the world is and the crazy powerful people out there, or just care too much about what people think about my life decisions.  I know I shouldn't care. I mean I'm trying my best and trying to make the best decisions for my family, but its still hard.

I also fear the unknown, I hate the weaning process, because I sometimes feel like there is no end in sight and this time around I haven't done anything to actively wean my baby, but he's still doing it.  The hormones are still driving me crazy, I feel like a ball of rage sometimes, and other times a rude comment can send me to tears, as what happened today at a store.

Currently, I'm trying to trust God more.  I try to repeat as much I remember to do so, "Sacred Heart of Jesus," I put my trust in thee. But also just the realization the good always has to trump evil is helping me, in that God is always in control and if I do try my best to trust I will know that.  I also keep trying to pray for help in my unbelief, that I may believe, and not worry or be anxious.

But this is the place where I am.  One day at a time though, right?

“Pray, hope, and don't worry. Worry is useless. God is merciful and will hear your prayer.” - St. Padre Pio

What I wore Sunday, Baptism of the Lord edition

Hi all.  Well the snow has melted, and we had a fabulous weekend outdoors with family.  The snow is scheduled to make its return again this week, but the break from the cold was welcomed.  But now for WIWS.

Here's the outfit.

Shoes: Target.com

Pants: JC Penney

Tunic: Clothing Swap

Turtleneck: Target

Necklace: Target

So first letting just say the world is going to end because I broke some one of my rules for mass get-up with this outfit.  I wore jeans.  And not only that skinny jeans. I have long tried to not buy into the skinny jeans phenomena, but I guess I finally gave in when my husband was buying the boy equivalent of them last time when we went mall shopping. Maybe we really are hipsters after all.  But since all hipsters are supposed to be Catholic one day, I think this is maybe okay?

And now for a pose of what really goes on in mass, the wrangling of toddlers.

But he makes up for it with allowing me to give him sweet kisses.

Check out some more mass attire at Fine Linen and Purple. 

Word block

Currently I feel like I have a word block.  I have a lot of things running around in my head but none of them have been transferred to the nets. So I will leave you with a photo from dinner last night.

And man is he ever growing up fast. Before I know it he will be 3 and no longer 2. Gah.

What I Wore Sunday, Epiphany Edition

Happy Epiphany!!

BAM!

Coming at you for another post of: 

So here is the outfit: 

Necklace: I found in my childhood jewelry stash, no idea where it came from

Shirt: Target

Sweater: JC Penney

Skirt: H&M 

Tights: Brown

Shoes: Sanita

Here's a close up of the necklace that I pulled out of the past:

And then after mass we made a snowman:

Check out some more fun Sunday outfits at Fine Linen and Purple. 

Resolutions for the New Year

1. To try to see each person as someone with dignity and with Jesus in them instead of someone flawed that is no good.

2. Work-out more consistently

3. Continue to read and finish the Catechism of the Catholic Church

4. Blog twice a week so that my head stays clear.

5. Podcast again with my husband @theContranauts

6. Be more present in the moment and less drawn into social media when playing with the kiddos.

7. To try daily to be the best mama and wife I can be in 2013.