New baby things...the third time around.

I always see posts for what is actually useful for a baby. I don't think I've ever done one, or at least I have forgotten if I have.  So I figured I'd try one of these out because well, my brain can't handle much else these days, and maybe just maybe it will help me to blog a bit more. So here goes, I consider myself more on the minimalist side of buying things since we live in a small house and I don't have that much room to store all the stuff.  Then, on top of that I tend to be more granola than not, so take those in to account when you check out this list.

1. Mei Tai Carrier  - my go to when I need both hands, works with bigger babies too, but the little ones get frog legged and just bury themselves into you. (A lot of times I just zip her in my coat for extra support when out on a walk)

 Mei Tai :annacarriebaby

2. Bouncer - I don't usually use that many devices anymore, my kids just seem to not like them.  But this is the one that they do. It works well for siblings to interact with baby and give your back and hands a break

3. kissaluvs, prefolds, diaper covers, and a package of spouses - I'm a cloth diaperer, but the first few weeks, I give myself a break.  The cloth diapers while awesome in many ways, are hard to fit on a brand new baby. Those legs need some chub for the diapers to work well.  So I allow myself to slowly ease into it for the first month to six weeks or so. Then the kissaluvs and the pre-folds come into play and I don't want to go back because I usually am hating on the disposables and their lack of holding poop at that point.

Kissaluvs

4. Sling - There are many different type of slings, mine is from seven slings, and it works great with a newborn to keep them tight to your body and gives them that mama reassurance baby likes as a newborn.

5. sleepers - I don't dress little babies much, this might change with a girl now.  Eh, probably not, but what I do use are sleepers.  They are easy and they are warm since I seem to have babies born in colder weather.

6. swaddlers - My babies don't like to be swaddled forever, but for the first few weeks they really do like it.  We have a few miracle blankets for this and a kidapotamus one that has velcro and makes it easy.

Diapers.com

7. foam bed rail- This makes me feel at easy with bed sharing.  No one falls or gets stuck in a crack.
They are apparently called magic bumpers, found on amazon here.

8. a few receiving blankets - these have many uses, whether to catch spit up, swaddle, soak up extra breast milk, or as a semi nursing cover for those folks who aren't comfortable around nursing mamas.


9. Nursing gear - breast pads, and nursing tanks or bras. I'm more of the nursing tank gal, but again I have cold weather babies and exposed stomach means I get cold.  Lanolin is also good to have around those first few weeks or if you get a cracked nipple.

target.com

10. Prayer - I've been known to sing an Our Father for a lullaby and when I'm feeling like I'm a mess and everything around me is overwhelming, I pray the simple prayer, of "Sacred Heart of Jesus, I put my trust in Thee." It's really good in the middle of the night when the anxiety hits me like a rock sometimes.

Helena's birth story

So we have a baby girl now.  It seems crazy, I mean I felt like she would be a girl, but I think I was setting myself for having another boy, and not that I would be upset with another boy, its just that I couldn't fathom that things would be be different.

Now on to her birth...Monday night I had a lot of lower back pain and it didn't really go away until the next morning. It snowed about a foot Monday into Tuesday morning, and while Keith decided to work from home all day, I'm thankful that his job allows him to do this, I had a midwife appointment at 1pm that I was set on going to no matter what.  So crazy kid me shoveled half the driveway with the boys semi helping and then let Keith do the rest.

I had my appointment and my midwife told me that I was contracting. I just didn't feel it at this moment. Fast forward to Thursday and I while I was making dinner I started having a few contractions that I actually felt but they stopped when I sat down for actual dinner.

Friday night, I didn't have any more contractions, but for some reason there was so much pressure and baby felt so low that I just couldn't sit.  I found myself hanging over an exercise ball just because it felt better and then I went to bed hoping to get some sleep.

At 2am I was woken up by contractions that continued every 7-10 minutes till about 5:30.  But nothing really picked up and actually around 5 they slowed down. So tried to sleep and got about an hour or so of sleep before the kids woke up.

This whole week Ephraim had insisted on staying as close to me as possible. I think he could tell something was about to happen.  So he stayed up later than normal watching the olympics with us and slept on the crib mattress beside us or on the floor if he rolled off looking like this.

It was like he was my own little watch dog. He refused to be moved, so we just let him be. 

Things slowed down for a few hours in the morning, but I still called my midwife to give her a heads up because well, I haven't had false/warm-up labor to that extent before.  So I figured I should at least let her know what was happening. She said she had one appointment to go to and then would be at her MIL's house, which happens to be about 4 houses away from ours. 

I figured I was in labor at this point, but I just felt like it was going to take awhile, so I sent Keith to Target to get some things we were missing in the house, and since I hadn't gotten my GBS result back, I needed the rinse that prevents GBS from becoming an issue. I haven't been GBS positive before, but I know it lives in your system and can present itself at anytime and causes major issues with baby. Thus, better safe than sorry.

Keith came back and at this point I had started a puzzle and the in-laws were called to come get the kids. So around 10:30-11am the boys were picked up and oddly contractions started getting closer again. I watched a whole bunch of house hunters on Amazon Prime TV and by noon or shortly after I again called the midwife, because well things were more intense. I got her voicemail but within a few minutes she called back and said she was in the neighborhood and would be there in 2 minutes.  And a good thing she was because apparently active labor was pretty short for me, about an hour.  

We tried to set up the tub, but well, it takes more than an hour to do.  I think next time if we do water, I think I will tell Keith to just start it as soon as labor starts because well otherwise its useless with me since there is not enough time. 

The midwife was cool about everything though and Keith and her just quickly made up the bed for birth because she knew I was close.  I remember asking to use the bathroom, because well, I just think for me its natural with all the pressure to want to bear down over something.  But she reminded me if I did that, there was probably going to be a baby born in a toilet.  And while she was okay if I wanted to do that, I thought it might be a nicer story to tell baby later that she wasn't.  

So in about 3 pushes I had a baby girl out.  I was totally amazed she was a girl, despite the feeling the whole time that it was a girl. It took about 20 minutes afterward for the placenta to deliver itself, but it didn't matter because I had a baby girl in my arms. All the mess went away quickly and nothing was ruined or stained in the house. 

It was honestly not highly dramatic like last time and I think I needed that.  I know God was still looking out for me though with the uncertainties of short active labor and him putting my midwife right in the neighborhood when I needed her to be. I am thankful to have a healthy, beautiful baby girl in my life now and I am enjoying all the shenanigans her brothers are causing in the chaos of a new baby.  Now if only could get the boys to call her baby Helena or Lena instead of baby Gaby which they insist on calling her. 

Helena Perpetua

To Edel

This is over a week late announcement, but since I'm just trying to not think about things and hopefully soon have a baby, here you go. I hope to see you in July!

I'm crazy; I admit it. :)

I admit almost daily to my husband that I am crazy during pregnancy.  And somehow yet, he deals with me gracefully.  I know this time around I have specifically struggled with what happened last time and what I want to happen this time around during delivery.  I keep getting it into my mind that something is going to happen that is bad and I won't be able to deliver here at home like I want to. I guess also taking the leap towards home birth scares me a bit too, because its an unknown to me. I can't say what is really going to happen. But then again, "There is a gift in not knowing." Sarah Reinhard reminded me of this in her Pregnancy Companion book that the lovely Elizabeth Buergler pointed out to me.  I think sometimes its so hard for me not to know, but then that is kind of the whole game of parenting isn't it?  You put in all this effort into trying to get your kids to heaven when in the end they too have free will.  You don't know what will happen because only God does.  It's a crazy challenge to just set forth each day and try to do your best with them in each moment.

The song "Worlds Apart" by Jars of Clay, a song from my childhood, always gets to me whenever I hear it.  It's always a different part but the tears come no matter what.  I spent two nights ago singing this song and crying along as well after I had heard it earlier that day.  I needed that cry.  I feel like for some reason the extra hormones have ALL the emotions inside me these days, and sometimes the only satisfying thing is a good cry.  

Anyway, after reflecting and multiple replays of the song, two things stuck out at me. The first is, "Because what I need and what I believe are worlds apart." Ugh, to explain this now.  I keep deleting, but maybe I will get this this time. A while back, probably in the summer, I was reading the devotional called A Catholic Woman's book of Days by Amy Welborn.  In it she describes a scenario where her daughter is afraid of the dark, even though there is no reason for her to be while she is in her bed safe at home.  She says she knows it but is having a hard time believing it.  I think this is me a lot of times.  I know God is there, I see his work in my life and yet I fail to believe it so. God knows what I need, but I am struggling to really believe it. 

The second lyric that stood out was "It takes all I am to believe; In the mercy that covers me." Here we go with the believe again right?  So the other day, I was contemplating grace and mercy. More so grace to start out, because I kept hearing it in songs, and I was like I know what grace is, but do I really.  So I looked it up being the nerd that I am.  Grace is an unwarranted blessing, at least in my understanding.  I can see these all throughout my life and over the last year, I have opened myself up to try to be more thankful for them.  But I still felt like something was missing.  And it was the concept of Mercy.  It's probably odd or maybe just my age that shows, when the first thing that pops into my mind with this concept is Uncle Jesse on Full House saying "Have mercy!" in his Elvis voice when things go awry with the girls in the house. 

The thing with mercy is that I know I struggle with it, because while I understand it exists, I fail many times to believe it applies to me.  Probably the thesis of the "Worlds Apart" song.  But I need to know right here and now that it does, because otherwise I don't think I would be where I was at with this baby with his mercy.  This baby that God is giving to me for just a short while in the scheme of things. He gives me mercy through the anxiety and the tears and the pain.  He really does want good things for me even if I want to think otherwise.  He knows I'm trying and he loves me.  For that I'm thankful.  Now if only you could tell me this at midnight tonight when I wake up in panic mode. :)

In other news. Do you think I swallowed a watermelon? 

Homebirth vs. Hospital Part 1: Prenatal Care

I'm not one much to make lists, its just not in me too much so I apologize in advance for the lack of bullet points.  I just know a few of you have been interested in the fact that I am planning to have a home birth this time around.  So I wanted to give you more information about it.

So you all know that making this actual decision was a hard one, not so much the home birthing aspect itself, I totally labor all that I can at home anyway, so why not just take the plunge to staying at home for actual birthing too. Since I really don't like to be intervened with in birth unless needed, this seemed like a good option for me.

So what's it been like?  Pre-natal care has definitely differed.  Appointments are 1-2 hours and encompass the whole of my life at the time. It's been good for me, especially this time because I've had a lot to work through and she has been able to help me do that by talking with me giving me suggestions to work on and even lending books to read.

In the appointments, I actually do my own urine analysis, before this was probably done by the nurse, but now I know exactly what was being checked and check it myself.  I also get to opt out of something if I don't want to do it without backlash. One day we even skipped taking BP because she knew I was fine, but I was just being paranoid about it instead of seeing it as something helpful. I think this has been good and at the same time trying to me because well, it makes me have to trust God more and not the establishment.

Different HB midwives do different things, it depends on different state regulations and such and what they feel is important.  The one I have models her care more on the European midwife standard of care, so she does test for Strep B, but will not do an IV for drugs at birth but a wash instead.  She doesn't however test for gestational diabetes because it has never been an issue for her patients as long as diet is monitored.  She will however refer you to an office if you want that type of testing.

Ultrasounds are also not required. It's an odd thing to tell a person that no I don't have any US pictures of my baby yet, but really I feel like for myself they are expensive under our insurance and last time when I got them with my first I felt very pressured to get them so that I could then consider abortion if something wasn't right. This wasn't going to be the outcome, so hubby and I decided unless necessary we would skip them from there on out.  I know for a lot of folks ultrasounds mean reassurance and connection with baby and I am glad for that, I just haven't felt the need for that this time around.

I guess one major difference is that you really see a person as your care provider instead of a title.  This can come with ups and downs, because maybe you have slightly different personalities and disagree a little or maybe you gain a friend. But also its made me have to remember that their is a person there that has a life, that isn't perfect and well that's okay.  It doesn't mean that she isn't a professional about her work, she is, but there are definitely differences to having a one man shop versus an office to call where someone else does a lot of the interacting work for you and you just have to follow protocol.

So this all I know about HB at the moment.  The midwife I have actually now has an apprentice too, so I'm interested to see what having her there as well brings to the table.  There is approximately 6.5 weeks to go.  It's bound to get more interesting from here on out

What I Wore Sunday, Life week edition

Doing a quick link up for What I Wore Sunday with the girls over at Fine Linen and Purple.

I did a more serious post earlier dealing with my feelings on the March for Life found here.

So here is the outfit.

Undershirt: American Apparel

Dress: given to me by my neighbor, more tunic-like length on me

Pants: Motherhood Maternity

Shoes: which you can't see here, from Target.

Baby Belly: 33.5 weeks

So that's all for this post.  It's been a little chaotic today with the littles, and as I just wrote this, I got thrown up on, just because someone was chewing on their finger a little too much. 6pm bedtime anyone?

So go check out more outfits at Fine Linen and Purple!  Happy Sunday!

For life

I started writing down my thoughts for this post on actual paper and I hope this goes well because well, I'm writing this on my phone which is okay, but I can't type the same so the words might be not be the same.

Yesterday, the family trekked downtown on the bus to the Cleveland March for Life. It's an odd thing to go to a March or maybe just pray in front of a clinic when pregnant. Why? Because the emotions are so different and you can actually put yourself in the shoes of the woman wrestling with this heart wrenching decision.

One of the things that pained me was the carrying of the graphic images by those around me. To me, I feel like those images are more hurtful than helpful especially when pregnant. They just made me sad and really had me crying. Because while yes they are accurate, I'm not sure who they are really trying to reach. Maybe they are going after the guy counterpart involved, the one that operates off of logic and facts, but even then I'm not sure if it's making them colder in the issue or actually helping. It was ironic to then read Simcha Fischer's post which basically said something similar but with more proof.

And here's the thing. I love marching for life. I really do. I just don't think it needs the gruesome to support the truth and beauty that life is.

You see the March and I have an interesting history. I lost my first baby around the time of my second March experience. There I was marching for life for saving it while at the same time I was my baby. And while I didn't medically know the exact moment or if they were still hanging on at that moment it was still really hard. So the point in March where those graphic images were huge and clear I cringed. I hope one doesn't need to lose a baby to know those images hurt more than help to try see and be more compassionate but maybe it does take that.

To me it's similar to taking the approach to sharing the gospel of Jesus as a crazy street preacher would. It may be true, but there is zero compassion there. I remember even having to take a class my Baptist university before mission work about how not to shove Jesus down people's throats. They knew that forming that trust and having compassion to know where some one was coming from much more effective. So when it comes to life issues, I feel like there is a distinct parallel. These women seeking an abortion are people and they usually are in a tough situation, while those may be truth they are also scary make you want to run away from the problem as quickly as possible which means having the abortion, despite the aftermath years later.

I think about the women in my life who have had to face difficult situations where people told they to have an abortion versus carry the baby, because it would have been easier. And yes, externally it may have appeared easier, but I'm glad that they choose differently. I'm glad I was able to support them and others too so that they could give those babies life. It may have been rough, but I know each one of those women is so glad to have those children in their lives. They are blessings and not burdens.

The thing is, I know the support isn't always there. We live in a broken world full of broken homes and big problems. Even those of us who appear to have it together don't really as this life is messy and we can be easily influenced to justify something wrong as right. My prayer though is that the pro-lifers want to be that support and are. Instead of these hurtful rash statements we listen and talk and be there. I remember movie Bella in which the guy actually goes and helps the woman by raising the baby for her. This is the point we need to be at, as hard as it is to uproot our lives to do it. And the thing is so many people do. There are saints living and breathing out there doing this and I'm so thankful for them. To be completely selfless in that manner is amazing to say the least.

But one more thing, I feel like the March for Life doesn't just stop with the issue of abortion. I feel like it should incorporate those who have lost that baby due miscarriage or stillborn or ectopic pregnancy or disease or yearning and praying for a child to be theirs on this earth. We are all effected by life in its brevity or loneliness or its pain, and some how, through the tears we realize what an amazing gift it really is. And when you do, you don't want to take it for granted one bit more. Because that gift, the chance to experience life, that is definitely something worth marching for...