When

It seems there is always a constant reflection of self in motherhood. Your children mimic you in good and bad habits. It seems to go along with it everyone has some expert parenting advice. We analyze it all, and to the analytic that I am it becomes a little much.

I am not saying that we shouldn't strive for great children and great self. But sometimes it feels like we want a formula to produce a good kid. The thing is from the parents of many and older kids it seems like there isn't one, so why be fooled in thinking there is one. 

I think I can so easily pull apart this characteristic or that, to take this picture or that. But I fail to just be and to know. To really look in my child's eyes and just really see them and be with them and just be there.

I think I'm so guilty of always caring what someone may think of me in my way I interact with my kids that I fail to engage in the way I should. I want to blame social media for it. But at the same time I could just put it down. Why the need for the constant validation? I don't know.

So I think I'm going to challenge myself to put it all away in the sense that I don't know all the answers but I'm learning each day. Do I need some validation at times, sure. But I think the incessant amount in my life may be too much.

I want to be real and not live in fear. Fear is not from God after all and I only want things that come from Him. Yes, I will reconcile when wrong, but I want to really work on true relationship, not seeing the little people as projects but as little unique people to be loved. Because in the end nothing else matters.