Stuck

Lately I haven't wanted to blog. It's partially if I blog about my life it probably would be airing my dirty laundry with others and I don't want to do that in a public forum. But I did want to say a few things.

First, know that I'm getting help. I realize that living in a world where your brain never shuts off ever is kind of hard. So I'm getting help with that. I got an anxiety and depression diagnosis and I'm okay with that. It's a starting point.  Honestly it's because it's not all that bad, I know in the end Jesus conquered death and so I can keep trying, there is always hope. There are so many beautiful and amazing people and moments in my life that I'm holding on to God's grace through the bad.

But with the bad came many habits that need to be undone, many situations that need to understood. And maybe for some it may take a while. And while I don't want to dwell on the negative, shutting it out, not dealing with it for so long, well it's not helped one bit. So I'm trying to move forward and learn from it because I deserve to be whole. And also I want my children to know they are loved, always this. If I can't love me, how can I truly love others?

So I'm done hiding and pretending it's all okay, because it's not. But I am a beloved child of God and I do mean something. And that, that is where I'm at today.