Breath of Heaven

"Breath of Heaven, hold me together

Be forever near me, Breath of Heaven
Breath of Heaven, lighten my darkness
Pour over me Your holiness for You are holy
Breath of Heaven

Do you wonder as you watch my face
If a wiser one should have had my place?
But I offer all I am
For the mercy of Your plan
Help me be strong, help me be, help me" -Amy Grant

After a year off, I went to a spiritual direction session.  It was good because, well, it made me get outside the chaos. It helped me to get perspective and see that I still really am trying to work on the same issues I have been. I don't need to be perfect and nor will I ever be.  I'm a work in progress and will be for the rest of my life.  But it was different because I am in a different place than I was last time I did this.  

The above song "Breath of Heaven" totally slipped through my radar for the past 20+ years its been around.  It wasn't until this past weekend when a choir performed it at mass, and there I was 27 weeks pregnant with two crazy boys overwhelmed with life till this song sunk in.  And now I'm crying every time I hear it.  But its a good cry.

I think for a long time I was taught that emotions had to be held in, that I had to be okay with everything and just be happy.  But the thing is this hasn't been good for me.  Instead of growing, it made me stuck, it made the anxieties too heavy.  I feel like I am just starting to grow knowing that a good cry is really a good thing.  God gets it and he understands.  He doesn't need me to be put together 100% of the time, or even 90% of the time.  He needs me to be me and be the best me I can be so I can love and bring God to the world.  So Breath of Heaven, do hold me together because well, I'm definitely not in control even if I so badly want to be.