Monday, April 27, 2015

Weekly Recipes

Hi ya'll.

I think the last time I did a meal planning post, it was early January.  So here's another one. And this time I am actually going to post in advance of making the food.

Day 1:
Kielbasa, Potato, Pepper and Onion Skillet
-I don't have a recipe for this one because I just kind of throw it together, and have been doing it since college.  It's pretty much what it says it is fried up in whatever oil I have on hand.

Slow Cooker Pulled Pork Sandwiches and Yellow Beans-for an easy dinner day

Day 3:
Ramp Carbonara - probably the most ambitious recipe of the week. The CSA gave us Ramps, a garlicy leafy thing.  It's a first time for us to have these so I'll tell you how it turns out.

Day 4: Left overs

Day 5: One Pot Pasta  Vegetarian dish with lots of flavor. Excited to try this one out.

Day 6: Chicken Tortilla Soup- A brothy soup, a request of the husband

Day 7: Turkey Melts and Salad

So there it is. Our meal plan for the week. Anything exciting on your menu?

Sunday, April 26, 2015

WIWS...lets get out of of the funk.

Hi all. Its Sunday, and lately I've been trying to make Sundays days to rest more.  I don't think its really humanly possible to rest completely as a mother of three littles five and under, but I do think that it is possible to slow down and marvel at the things with which God has blessed me in this life.  And since I have been an awful, awful funk being scared anxious and such. I'm turning a new leaf.  I'm going to keep dealing with all the junk on the side, but I'm not going to write about it much anymore because I think that makes me sink further than I need to be and makes me lose sight of the awesome things God IS doing in my life.

I had a good talk with a church friend and I took away from that talk to detach from the bad and cling to Jesus.  Instead of seeing your life in how messed up you are from your past, to focus on the newish bond you have with your spouse.  You get a whole new turn to do this life thing, and instead of focusing on the bad, you can say we can do better and we don't have to bring the junk into our house from the past.  This was a great change in perspective for me and I've already been putting into practice today a bit. Also, I got a nap.  I needed that nap. :)

So here's the outfit.

Cardigan: Marshalls
Shirt: Target
Skirt: Target
Headband: Marc's 

I also had my trusty red canvas TOMS on go with the outfit. But I am enjoying the color red these days, now to only remember to wear it on Pentecost, for some reason I usually forget to do this.

We had an afternoon at the park and it was wonderful.  The kids loved it and neighbors visited and so we got to see friendly faces too.  An all out success to just enjoy the day. Here are the three kiddos all swinging away.

Check out some more Sunday attire at the WIWS linkup @ Fine Linen & Purple. Cheers!

Friday, April 24, 2015

Never me

I never thought I would be the one to fall out of love with Jesus. But honestly I think I did. The world got to me. And it's funny because to the world I'm one of the good ones. But honestly inside I'm a mess. I'm ridden with anxiety and even though I'm blessed in so many ways it's hard for me to recognize it with so much fear blinding my view.
I don't think it was a fast thing, in some ways it's probably been like most relationships where if you don't spend the time together you drift apart. And it's not that I wasn't praying I was, and what little bits of listening I did to Jesus, well, with those he was able to get through, for that I'm thankful.
But I realize now I've been starving a bit and I think part of it was because for so long I've not been comfortable with me. With who God made me to be. And a big part of it was some mess of people getting to me and dragging me down with them, but that's not me, that's them.
I'm so far from recovered, so much more therapy is needed, but I finally recognize the source. I need to fall back in love with Jesus.
Today we went to the most gorgeous outdoor park and I just wanted to pack up and move there. It just made my heart smile because it just showed how much God loves us in his creation, and I know I sound cliché with saying that but it's true. And part of me didn't want to leave, I wanted to curl up with a book and a tree and just be. Reality was that the kids were tired, but really they were even at home. It was hard to come back, but we did. We will just have to visit again.
But in all this I realized there is a big part of me that needs to work on being present, because by not being so I worry, whatever it may be about it just isn't what is intended for me to be the best me. And it is so freaking hard to fight these tendencies, but as I'm more aware then I can change for the better and be able to love Jesus and stay in love with him more fully.
But unlike Paul, I don't think I'll change over night, but that's okay. As A Holy Experience ended with and these words resonant more and more, "Safe. Held. His. Beloved." If I just know and believe this through and through, it will be okay.

Tuesday, April 21, 2015

Where I'm at

Dear Lena,

You are at such a fun age right now. You are just picking up new things left and right. And you are full of emotions too. You are different than the boys in some ways, it takes you longer to be pacified and you really do see yourself as an extension of me and usually will stick right by me in most environments. But you are getting more adventuresome and you are figuring out your likes and dislikes more and more. I just love seeing your life unfold in a good way.
You and your brothers are bright spots among the ashes I'm dealing with right now and I'm so thankful for you guys. God gave me you all so that I really could learn to love and not out of obligation. Because love needs to come freely. It's not something that we have to be guilted into and this is a big lesson I'm learning right now.
So keep being you little girl, I'll keep trying to smile through the dark because I do know that despite it being so hard, it's going to be okay. Jesus is here with me and you all are too and for that I'm going to keep going.
your Mama

Thursday, April 9, 2015


Lately I haven't wanted to blog. It's partially if I blog about my life it probably would be airing my dirty laundry with others and I don't want to do that in a public forum. But I did want to say a few things.

First, know that I'm getting help. I realize that living in a world where your brain never shuts off ever is kind of hard. So I'm getting help with that. I got an anxiety and depression diagnosis and I'm okay with that. It's a starting point.  Honestly it's because it's not all that bad, I know in the end Jesus conquered death and so I can keep trying, there is always hope. There are so many beautiful and amazing people and moments in my life that I'm holding on to God's grace through the bad.

But with the bad came many habits that need to be undone, many situations that need to understood. And maybe for some it may take a while. And while I don't want to dwell on the negative, shutting it out, not dealing with it for so long, well it's not helped one bit. So I'm trying to move forward and learn from it because I deserve to be whole. And also I want my children to know they are loved, always this. If I can't love me, how can I truly love others?

So I'm done hiding and pretending it's all okay, because it's not. But I am a beloved child of God and I do mean something. And that, that is where I'm at today.