Monday, January 20, 2014
So you all know that making this actual decision was a hard one, not so much the home birthing aspect itself, I totally labor all that I can at home anyway, so why not just take the plunge to staying at home for actual birthing too. Since I really don't like to be intervened with in birth unless needed, this seemed like a good option for me.
So what's it been like? Pre-natal care has definitely differed. Appointments are 1-2 hours and encompass the whole of my life at the time. It's been good for me, especially this time because I've had a lot to work through and she has been able to help me do that by talking with me giving me suggestions to work on and even lending books to read.
In the appointments, I actually do my own urine analysis, before this was probably done by the nurse, but now I know exactly what was being checked and check it myself. I also get to opt out of something if I don't want to do it without backlash. One day we even skipped taking BP because she knew I was fine, but I was just being paranoid about it instead of seeing it as something helpful. I think this has been good and at the same time trying to me because well, it makes me have to trust God more and not the establishment.
Different HB midwives do different things, it depends on different state regulations and such and what they feel is important. The one I have models her care more on the European midwife standard of care, so she does test for Strep B, but will not do an IV for drugs at birth but a wash instead. She doesn't however test for gestational diabetes because it has never been an issue for her patients as long as diet is monitored. She will however refer you to an office if you want that type of testing.
Ultrasounds are also not required. It's an odd thing to tell a person that no I don't have any US pictures of my baby yet, but really I feel like for myself they are expensive under our insurance and last time when I got them with my first I felt very pressured to get them so that I could then consider abortion if something wasn't right. This wasn't going to be the outcome, so hubby and I decided unless necessary we would skip them from there on out. I know for a lot of folks ultrasounds mean reassurance and connection with baby and I am glad for that, I just haven't felt the need for that this time around.
I guess one major difference is that you really see a person as your care provider instead of a title. This can come with ups and downs, because maybe you have slightly different personalities and disagree a little or maybe you gain a friend. But also its made me have to remember that their is a person there that has a life, that isn't perfect and well that's okay. It doesn't mean that she isn't a professional about her work, she is, but there are definitely differences to having a one man shop versus an office to call where someone else does a lot of the interacting work for you and you just have to follow protocol.
So this all I know about HB at the moment. The midwife I have actually now has an apprentice too, so I'm interested to see what having her there as well brings to the table. There is approximately 6.5 weeks to go. It's bound to get more interesting from here on out
Sunday, January 19, 2014
Doing a quick link up for What I Wore Sunday with the girls over at Fine Linen and Purple.
I did a more serious post earlier dealing with my feelings on the March for Life found here.
So here is the outfit.
Sunday, January 12, 2014
Wednesday, January 8, 2014
I've been so caught up lately with school stuff in my head. Am I doing enough? Why can't my child learn the letter V? Should I actually have a more structured lesson for my kids a day? I mean yeah, we do a butt load of crafts, because well I like art. But I see something new and it makes me worry that I am not doing enough. It probably didn't help to add to the matter that my husband wanted me to give him a homeschooling budget. I mean I really can't blame him he was being super practical about it, and well that's just who he is. He loves his structure and his numbers and everything having a place. And I am thankful for him being so because our house would be a crap shoot without him. It's just that it started the worry process even more because it made me think, what should I do? Should I get this gadget or that, or should I get a boxed set, or should I enroll them in this or that? It really kind of spiraled out of control fast.
Today I asked for some sanity by venting to the lovely Jeanine, and well she gave it to me to me straight. She asked point blank, do you think there is something different you should be doing with them? And I said, probably not they are probably okay. She reminded me of Charlotte Mason and that really trying to teach my children to have good habits at this age is more important that shoving information into them. And so it should be.
It is hard sometimes to not let the super fast paced world get to you though. With the curriculum of first grade moved into kindergarten, why wouldn't someone panic that a nearly 4yo should know his alphabet, since they are expected to read at 5 in the traditional schooling atmosphere. And I'm not saying that it's bad to know how to read at an earlier age. It's just maybe not what should be my focus with my children.
I know when I look at what I want my children to become, I don't really care if they are a plumber or a rocket scientist or a pro-athlete or a priest. God knows what they are to be and he's got that covered. My job is to help them to love, to show compassion, to want to help others and to instill good habits that will actually help them to be able to learn what they need to learn to be well-functioning adults. And dangit, this is actually harder to me than learning the letter V, because the letter V will come, but those habits, those values, those are what stick.
I know I am not perfect at this at all. I sometimes really lack compassion or graciousness with my children, but today was a reminder that maybe, just maybe, I can do this. Because as I reflected in the shower, I remember my little ones, looking out of the McDonald's play land all wide eyed and wanting just that smile returned. Ben even came out multiple times just to give me a hug because he tells me continuously these days that he likes me and he just likes being near me. So maybe they are learning love. I sure hope I am offering my love in return.
Sunday, January 5, 2014
Wednesday, January 1, 2014
Advent always makes me think of where I'm at to meet Jesus and where I want to improve. A lot of it was spent praying for peace and to try to let go of the things I cannot change that I try to in my sense of false control I so badly want to have. I think it went well and really it helped me to find a little bit of Jesus amongst the chaos.
Today at mass, our priest challenged us to be more Mary. In her life most of it out of her control she was able to have peace and patience. These things seem to be so difficult as a parent of small children. The children are crazy and can constantly test your patience so you give them anything they want instead of what you and they need.
My job as a parent is to equip my children with the tools to get to heaven. To stay on that narrow path to and with Jesus. And it's hard already and I don't even have anyone over the age of three my charge. To really try to teach them to love above all else, sometimes is hard and I know I fail at it a lot. But I'm realizing that I may be putting too much weight on my shoulders and not letting God do his thing.
And so in this new year I'm going to try to love more and worry less, To try to get rid of some of my false sense of control, and in doing so try to get closer to Mama Mary. After almost 7 years of being Catholic, I admit I still struggle with all things Marian, and to this point I've gotten her intellectually. But this year I want to try to work on my relationship with her and get to know her mama to mama. Because with a new baby set to arrive in about 9 weeks on top of the 2 littles I'm trying to already take care of and teach it's going to be an interesting year.
So my prayer and resolution this year is to get to know mama Mary and by doing so get to know her son Jesus even better. I hope I can really do this because the peace and patience of Christ, I really do need them.